Isolated without choice

Chapter 1: I think I'm losing myself.

*Television*
I believe that blah blah...
I sit here in my room staring at the tv and zooming myself out.
I see the walls moving in big motions it feels good...

A little too good. I don't want to look really high around my family. They don't know I smoke but I been smoking since, 14.
I'm 17 now. I heard fighting next door slowly take my vape out my mouth and lick my lips from the dryness. Moving the curtains and I see a woman next door yelling

"Don't take my baby please just don't take my only child away from me!"
The woman clothes was ripped and torn apart. her dress look like it was once white, but coffee spilled all over her. The man who appears to be her husband or now a days the boyfriend I guess. His face was red from the anger. he runs in and out the house to take his bags and later, coming back for the baby. The toddler looks about 16 months but, seems to understand the situation already. As the lady runs down the apartment complex yelling for her child.
"Please! Don't take my baby not my baby noooo!!" The man put the baby in the taxi car and drives off while leaving the mother who is still screaming, slamming herself at the ground several times. And I just sit there with my pen and smoke more once again and And to get finished off with my poems. I feel like I'm a good poet some words just come to me in anytime that's whether good or horrible. Or sometimes rap lyrics. I write the top of the page in my journal headed it January 12,1989. I look again outside to see if any thing else is happening nothing but some druggies walking down the area. Its rough out here in Chicago. Today is Monday I skip school today. Sometimes I skip but I have my reasons. the teachers hate teaching there they won't teach you shit. all they mad about not getting enough dollars on that paycheck. It's whatever... Writing in my book I space out and write look as a "halfbreed" never being accept as just me; why this must be I have the same dreams and goal like u G... Noo that's not right.. Like I said I'm a poet. *laughs*
my family left me without even telling me they're gone for a two week vacation. I'm Treated worst than a middle child. Well it's only 2pm so I guess they'll be back soon.. Hopefully they didn't get attack by some mountain lions there if so they deserve it.. Assholes..
*signs* oh... Well at least I have you cris. Cris is my cat. he is grey very misterious and quiet. I had him for about three years a gift from a boy I was friends with and in love. He died from leukemia I watch him died right in front of me. His parents was confronting him but stares at me while taking his last breathes. I didn't cry it hurt so much I couldn't I always like him but we was like 12 and 1/2 or 13 some shit like that. it was weird that I love him. I mean, for that age it felt like that. He love me to. I know he did I had a letter from him before he died but I threw it away. It hurts to much to keep memories of him. I never date before maybe because I'm socially awkward but who knows. one of the things that keep the blood through my heart still is my friends so blessed to have them I look at them as sisters morely. they understand. Its whatever... i need to go the store but its 9pm I swore not to smoke more than 2 or 3 hours to stop my addiction. I get up look in the mirror say " wow... am high as fuck ... holyshit.."It was kinda hard to walk because I felt dizzy and didn't know why. walking outside at night can be scary especially, the abandon homes that scared me more at night how creepy they look and the people in them using them as a trap houses is more crazy. it's too creepy. how are they willing to stay the night till dawn. half way through the streetcorner of the drugstore this black van keeps following me, but I dont know.. who's following the drugstore by me. its seems to believe... I look closely and its... man who is so pale can see his whole face eyes are blue though, it's dark... I get the chills of danger so I look away and start walking faster. he stops the car.. for awhile I thought he must been doing something. I didnt here anything so I took of for a run... and thats when he got me. I tried scream but couldnt because his hand was over my mouth. the thoughts over flooding my mind was nothing but fear. he pushes me into the car slams the door and turn around stares at me with a crooked smile. and says" you're family owns me money and untill they pay me back what they own me then, you'll be free sweetheart." I kick and scream but he move quick to tie me up. and moves close to me with his seductive eyes. the man look about in his late 20s maybe even 30s. he whisper in my ear."I make a call to them and see what they say be a good girl and talk when spoken and noone gets hurt". while saying this he touches my face slowly to my curly hair. its like hes petting me i feel really bad about this.I just wish to kick his ass he's such a creep. ughh. struggling to back away crying so maybe he would at least back out my personal zone because i would hate to think he wants to take advantage of me..he looks pissed now, shaking the phone in anger as if he wanted to break it and back at me with the same expression. I'm really scared. I wish they answer back. and then look at me smile deviously." I think you should go to sleep now".. my head rolls back and see a blackness and my last thoughts...
help me.. someone please! why must this happen...