Trauma/Vent Dump..

1

TW: SEXUAL TRAUMA

I was 6-7 he was the same age but he still touched me during reading time he tried to touch my chest and vagina but he could only get to my chest before I got up and ran. I'm happy I knew what happened at the right moment but he still touched me sexually he rubbed my nipples I was scared in shock I almost told the teacher but I knew she wouldn't believe me because I'm 6-7 I "don't know what I'm talking about because I'm so young" I'm almost 12 now and I wish I told someone before I had decided to "go to the bathroom" but I just hope people know they can tell others and don't make the same mistake I made and regret making to now. Please tell someone don't be a fucking idiot like me and not tell anyone about being sexually touched even if nobody will believe you just still tell someone please it'll take a weight off your shoulders maybe a big weight or a small weight but still tell someone.

TW: CHILD ABUSE

My mom never loved me she always shut me out and started hitting me, yelling at me every single day always calling me names and started gas lighting me I'm not sure when it started but I do know she just stopped loving me after about 7-9 years of me being alive I raised by the fucking internet I learned that she was only pretending so I won't get taken away from her and so she wont go to jail. I only pretend she loves me around people I don't fully trust it feels like the right thing to do because if I told them my mom didn't love me they might not believe me or tell everyone and heaven forbid that happens other wise they'd take me away from my mom and i'd get in trouble and get scolded by every other person. It makes me sick remembering that she has 4 kids and only loves 3 of them why doesn't she love all 4 of them they all love her but she doesn't love the youngest for no reason shes a piece of shit and still abuses me to this day I'm almost 12 it hurts me just not knowing why she does this to me. I hate her i hate her i hate her i hate her I HATE HER! SHE'S SUCH A BITCH TO ME AND NOT TOWARDS MY SIBLINGS SHE DOESN'T TREAT US EQUAL WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO "I love all my children equally." JENNIFER? HUH!? WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED WHAT'D I DO WRONG TO MAKE YOU EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY ABUSE ME? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY TELL ME WHY JENNIFER WHY?! FUCKING WHY?!

I'm sorry if this was long with all of the why's I just didn't think and sorta repeated typing why for a long time sorry.