Sincere Heart

Chapter 1 - Why?

I looked out of my window, looking down on the traffic that was on ahead as rain poured on the cars bellow. It was a very dull evening here in London, very dark and extremely cold. I let go of my curtains and turned on my lamp. I have been studying for my upcoming exams! I looked down at my phone to see if I received any text messages, but I hadn't, uh I'm sure I heard it vibrate?

My name is manal, I am 20years old. I'm am African British if that's what you call it. I am Somali. I am a muslim girl and I recently started practising. Alhamdulilah it has been 3years! I am a uni student and lived on campus, my room mate is a muslim sister named sultana. She is Somali too. Not only are we room mates but also class mates, which is pretty cool! People would call us the twins, we looked nothing alike. Sultana is mashaAllah , she has lighter skin tone and bigger eyes, were I am more browny, and have tinier eyes. We are the same height though! She's like my sisters, we advice each other on everything, and some times we manage to wake up during the night for qiyaam al-layl together. She's amazing!

My laptop made this 'beep' noise, and then my phone vibrated (for real this time) I checked, oh lord it's jamil, he's replied to my email!

Jamil is a brother from the US that I met, not face to face but through email, through my aunt in the US. We have been talking, discussing our views on some Islamic points regarding marriage. Yes, it's the marriage talk!

He's funny, good looking and has a very good sense of humour but his questions are beyond real. I'm so stressed, is he the guy for me? What if he doesn't find me attractive? Is that why he's asking me these hard questions?

I have never really gotten it on with a guy before. Even when I was not practising it just didn't seem like the right thing to do.

My phone rang, I got a bit excited thinking its jamil, but then I thought he don't even have your number! It was mom.

"Asalaama alaikom mom" 

"Wa alaykom salaam hooyo macaan (sweetheart) how are you?  

"Mom alhamdulilah I'm fine, just a little stressed that's all, what about you? How is everything? How are the boys? How is dad?  

"Calm down, one question at a time"  

"Hahaha"  

"Everybody is doing well sweety, everyone just misses you!  

"Aww I'll be home for 2weeks in a few weeks so not to worry, tell me why you home? I'm sure you have Quran class at this time on Sundays"  

"Ahh I've just been tired today, went to aunt Huda's daughter amina's wedding last night"  

"Ahh mashaAllah tabarakAllah! I need to congratulate her! Who was the lucky guy?"  

"It was you know aunt Safia in the US? "  

My heart sank, I could feel a lump forming in my throat and it was getting bigger and bigger. Omg! This can't be happening oh lord please mno! Tears began to form in my eyes

"Manal you there sweety?"  

I cleared my throat distancing the phone from me so she didn't hear me 

"Yes mum, I know aunt Safia" 

"Yeah? Well aunt Safia matched her up with her neighbours son, abduljabbar was it? They talked, got on liked each other and got married.  

"That's nice, is she moving to the US?" 

"No, her dad said he has to move here, it was the only condition"  

"Oh hmmm"

We continued talking until my phone started beeping cos the battery was about to die, I said my goodbyes to my mom, reminding her that I love her and that inshaAllah one day she'll be leading me down that aisle, and she giggled and made dua for me!

I put my phone down, and looked at the email, I didn't want to open it. I couldn't. Why did I think it was he that got married to that girl? Why did I care? I signed out of my email and closed the laptop. I had piercing pain in my heart, it was aching. Why?

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