Love And War in Cecil Beach

Chapter 2

Although my suspense-inducing final sentence from the last chapter would have you believe that this chapter is a hellstorm, things are pretty docile for the first part. At this point, Hunter and Diana have a pretty steady relationship and are going strong into what is now sophomore year.

And, I still feel the same way about Diana as I did then. Only now, it's much harder to hide from my own feelings now that they've come into the light. The universe, or fate, or God or whoever is in charge of this shit has decided that it'd be pretty funny if I fell in love with my best friend since childhood, who is in an almost 1-year relationship, with a guy. One of the most confusing parts is that I don't know who to be angry at, because there's really nobody to blame, but I know that I just am angry. I can't blame myself, because it's valid to develop crushes on somebody, even if you know you can't date them- but you know that didn't stop me from crying into my pillow and cursing myself for something I couldn't control. It's not Diana's fault that I fell in love, she was just being her wonderful self, and it's not Hunter's fault, though there are plenty other things I can blame him for, without guilt. There are many late nights I've spent mindlessly staring at my ceiling, not willing to do or think anything but just feeling an overwhelming wish for everything to work out fine and to fall into place. For all my wishes to be granted, for everything to be fine and good. I know it's selfish, but the world could use a bit of goodness, and I promise that that's all I've ever wished for.

One thing I've noticed from mindlessly staring at my ceiling on a frequent basis is that I have a popcorn ceiling, and Diana does not. Hers is completely smooth, with that ornate edging you see in most rich people's houses. I noticed this when I was hanging out in her room after school, the door closed because the thought of their daughter having sex with her FEMALE childhood friend is one so dark and horrifying it never crossed the main track of Diana's parents' minds. I mean, we weren't, but still. Heteronormativity, I guess.

I'd noticed that Diana had smooth ceilings before, but it never seemed to be of any importance to me until I put all of my concentration on it and tried not to focus on the warmth emanating from her thigh.

Now at this point, if you're a 20-something straight male from the 80's, you're slapping my arm and saying "Winnie! You dog!", because you assume this is something sexual. Again, it's not. She just happened to be sitting by me as I laid on her bed, staring at the ceiling as she did her schoolwork, and talked to me. I was taking a quick break. As Bill Clinton once said, I did not have sexual relations with that woman.

This was also the first time I'd been in her room since I realized I had feelings for her. It was like that scene in Dawson's Creek where Joey, childhood best friend to Dawson, says that they can't sleep in the same bed anymore, because she's a teenage girl and he's a teenage boy. Yes, I know, her name is Joey, I also thought it was gay, was very angry when I found out it wasn't. Also, I think I watch too many teen dramas. It just goes to show how nervous I was.

But through all my nervousness, and the warmth of Diana's thigh just inches from my face, and my intricate study of a flat white surface, I still managed to catch on to something that disturbed me.

Diana was chewing on her pen and looking out the window at the rain, a faraway look in her eyes. Her homework sat abandoned on her leg, half-finished. She looked beautiful, save for the fact that she was telling me about Hunter, which will put a bad taste in anyone's mouth. She'd been talking about him a lot, and I'd asked her why she was so attracted to him. Take from that what you will.

"He... I don't know, he's just... so smart, and sweet, and handsome. Sorry, that's stuff that everybody says about their boyfriends. I'll try digging deeper." She giggled.

"Well, he's... everything that I've been looking for. He's rebellious, a bit edgy, so much that he scares me sometimes- In a good way."

Honestly, I don't know if there is a good way to be scared, unless you're reading The Shining. She continued.