LOUIS p.o.v.s

#19: One Month

// a.n.: here's an old story. I first wrote that in 2015 or 2016, but I never uploaded the English version on Wattpad. I decided to keep it without any corrections, I'll upload it just as I wrote it back then. Just for the vibe lol. ALSO, the following story contains mentions of death so yeah, keep that in mind :) It's a damn sad story, the inspo was Moments by One Direction, lol, anyway, Enjoy !!

[ Moments - One Direction ]

O N E M O N T H

"Two  minutes!" Zayn's voice echoed in the backstage room, suddenly reminding  me that One Direction is about to go on stage. I could hear the  escalating screams outside, reaching my ears like glimpses of another  reality. I peaked at the crowd; another night, another damn concert, an  ocean of faces waiting for me. Another night when nothing really  mattered.

The afterglow of Simon's words were running through my brain as I stared at my reflection in the huge backstage mirror; smile, convince them that you're happy to be here doing what you're doing.  And, maybe, the rest of them were really happy; Zayn, Liam, Niall and  Harry. But even if I was really trying, I was tired of pretending that I  could make it. I couldn't act like everything was good, because it  wasn't fucking good. That piece of me that I lost that night would  always hurt.

Another  gaze over the crowd, another time when I thought I saw her face; even  my eyes were playing tricks on me. She was everywhere, smiling just like  the day I first met her. It all suddenly took me back to a month later,  in the middle of September; we were walking down the park, she was  kicking the leaves with her Dr. Martens with her hand tightly gripping onto mine. Our one year  anniversary, exactly a day before it all fucking changed to the worst  possible scenario. I got into the car and saw her smile; I wish I knew  it was the last time I'd ever see her smile. Her life ended less than twenty four hours later, along with mine.

I  could feel my eyes getting wet, that scar of letting her go cutting  open and weighting against my chest. It had been a month, a whole month  but it felt like an eternity. As I leaned against the wall of the  backstage area with the bright neon lights trembling above my head, I  tried to imagine; what would come next, in an hour or in ten years from  then. 

It  obviously didn't take long for the concert to start. The lights, the  music, the endless crowd waiting from me to be something I'm not  anymore. It was weird how I couldn't feel anything, nothing that really  mattered. It was just another night; another whole day I'd have to go  through, another blank page I'd write. It was one of those nights that  I'd probably spend awake till the morning, wondering what the hell would  happen if it was me inside that car; not her. If I hadn't let her go  that night, on our one year anniversary; if I had taker her home, instead of letting her drive.

In  a terrifying moment, in a place deep inside my head, I heard the first  notes of a song playing; it used to be our sound. And now it was playing  on the enormous speakers all around the arena, and I was supposed to  sing along to the lyrics that once meant the world to her. Where I was  supposed to find that much strength? The words were tangled up inside my  head, my heart was beating so fast that I thought it would break again,  my eyes were burning but all that I could hear was the sound of a  phone, echoing in the middle of the night, someone telling me that I  should go to the hospital; that something terrible had happened, that it  was my last chance to say goodbye.

Those lyrics that meant so much to me a month ago; those lyrics that were buried deep into the debris by now.

"If we could only have this life for one more day
If we could only turn back time..."

I  felt my voice breaking as I took a big step back, behind Zayn and Harry  who were standing right next to me. In a desperate attempt to keep  myself together, I shut my eyes closed; my eyelids were heavy from the  memories hidden in these lyrics. The world collapsed as instantly as the  lights changed directions; as instantly as my eyes filled up with  tears, rolling down my cheeks. I stayed there, collapsing along with it  as the screams around the crowd echoed even louder, millions of shocked  eyes locking into me. But I didn't think about it for any longer, I only  ran towards the backstage area, shutting the door closed before I  landed on the huge leather couch. Of course; they didn't know, they'd never understand.

I  wiped the tears that were still storming out of my eyes with my  trembling fingers, and my fingers tangled; I imagined I was holding her  hand, tightly in mine. I know I'd see her again if I closed my eyes,  smiling at me; I'd ask her to stay, because the world was just too big  for me anymore, too wild. I'd scream with all the power I have left in  me, but I knew she'd disappear the second I'd open my eyes again.

"Are  you alright, Lou? Calm down, it's..." a voice reached my ears, coming  from the distance but I didn't have enough energy to reply, or even  understand who was talking. Why does she always have to leave?

"It'll  take time," another voice replied. And then another, and then someone  was shouting but they all went silent as I walked out of the backstage  room, towards the parking lot that was filled with cars. For once again,  I was alone outside; luckily no one had followed me, no one would ask  me if I was alright because I wasn't.

A  sudden gust of air made me shiver, and it ran down my lungs like  electricity as I took a deep breath. I stared towards the sky; the stars  were illuminating like thousand little diamonds. I tried to smile. Was  she watching me? Could she know how much I missed her, how much I needed  her? 

I  stayed there until the concert finished, until the fuss outside of an  ocean of screaming people came to the peak. I closed my eyes and opened  them again; nothing had changed, the stars were still shining with that  same otherworldly glow, that weird illumination. I was still alone;  lucky for me.

I smiled.

"Wherever  you are, please look after me. Please," I mumbled to myself, taking a  final look at the sky. Each slow step brought me away from the outside  as I got back in the backstage area, at the moment when Zayn, Liam,  Harry and Niall were making their way towards the big leather couch.  Life would always go on; maybe, just not for me.