A new species has been discovered. The species is called Norba. The species is now extinct.
Welcome to Night Vale.
Alright viewers, we are going to kick off with the new Zoo open to all people between the age of 15 and 20. Inside the Zoo, there are different types of rare shrimp and no you can't eat them. The Zoo closes 54 minutes after it opens so you have plenty of time to explore the vast species of rare shrimp.
There is a report on a thief that breaks into your house and takes a medium sized vase and takes the time to unwrap all your candy wrappers then takes the wrappers.This man is clearly a menace to Night Vale and should be pursued and immediately arrested. If this horrid thief breaks into your house make sure to call the cops and take a selfie while you're at it.
For the weather today, it will be rainy all day so make sure to take advantage of it and take a bath.
The Sheriff's secret police has narrowed the suspect down to three people: Old Woman Josie, that guy that takes a walk everyday at 11:00 PM, and me. They think my voice is suspicious so I am being arrested now. Stay tuned for-.
*5 minutes later
Welcome Back Everyone. I am being cleared of suspicion because I once shook hands with Lebron James.
Night Vale High School finally won a game against the Desert Bluffs Vultures who are always trying to beat us in everything. We won the game by disqualification because One of the kids on the vultures named Cheese McMathews forgot to tie his left shoelace.
The same lights that are above the Arby's have appeared above Rico's Pizza, the best pizza in town. No one makes a slice like Ricos Pizza. NO ONE. Coming through those lights are clones of the old man that lives across the street.
I invited Carlos over to my house for dinner. He came with a bright red tie. What does that mean? Is he sending me a signal? Do people that pick their nose think it's good for them? Stay tuned for the answers.
*Plays song about how people who eat baloney are insane
Carlos and his hair were only wearing the tie because he doesn't have too many ties in the washing machine. Also, people that pick their nose are gross.
By the moon, there is a yellow ice breathing dragon that is allergic to Humans. The dragon is vigorous and bites if you are at the Night Vale waterfront. Do not approach the waterfront. Also, if you found out where the dragon is from go to the hooded figures in the dog park. They'll fix you.
An update on the report of the thief we found out that the thief was actually one of the scientists that helped carlos. His explanation was because he liked eating wrappers and he needed more vases to hold all of the flowers that rain from the sky. But we knew he was lying because it actually rains sausages not flowers.
Old woman Josie has been having dreams about marshmallows that transform into angels that sing all the songs from High School Musical. She has been summoned by the hooded figures to have a "chat".
Carlos went up to me and asked me why everyone is so peculiar. He says this town by far is the strangest, most random town he has ever seen. He says that he has to stay here for longer to determine what the heck is going on around here. That's fine with me because the longer he stays here the longer I get to admire his hair.
The dragon that was close to the moon is gone now. It is now eating the old men that are coming from those lights like Pac Man.
The Zoo has a new animal on display called Sokka. It is a hybrid of a dragon and a shrimp. I wonder how that happened. If you know, make sure to go to the hooded figures at the dog park.
That's all today folks and remember: What people say about you is not what they are thinking.
