I find it difficult each & everyday to find my will to keep going in life. Each day is a constant struggle on if I should do such a brave but cowardly act. This attempt may benefit a few people as they can't wait to see me in that polished pine wood box being lowered 6 feet into the ground giving off the false impression that they will miss me. My "mother" being one of those twisted people. Being pregnant with me she had plans to abort me but her plans backfired on her when my father had stopped her. So from the age of 10 to now I have been put down with the words of "Why are you still alive." "You should have died 17 years ago." "You're just a waste of space." & recently she went for the low blows of "You should go kill yourself." "Go die with your dad." & "Evelyn doesn't deserve a waste of space like you she needs someone better you aren't shit." & much more. Isn't life such a "happy" place it'll beat you to your knees & expect you to get right back up. I've given up on my life if anything happens I'll accept it because in the end it doesn't matter what I think. Everything is fading...life is fading slowly nothing in my life is the same it isn't that I'm growing up its just my long wanting death to leave this dreadful earth. I've dome many unimportant, insignificant things but in actuality they are somewhat of a great importance. I had conversationa with my dad,I moved out my room that is filled with haunting memories, & I also played with my nephew & I laughed & enjoyed it & for a brief moment I was remotley happy. I sense that i am feeling different, my parents wait I mean parent sees a difference in me. My father rejoices thinking I beat my depression but in reality I fall deeper & deeper each day. My chest... My heart feels heavy as if all my bad memories, experiences found a place to call their own.
