Love Me Harder (Tronnor AU)

7

*ok, trigger warning, if you find this chapter triggering, I am so sorry. Also feel free to vent to me if this does trigger you because I will listen*

Connor's P.O.V

That night, I slept on the sofa. I just wanted to sleep alone and also we acted like we had broken up, maybe we had. It was wrong anyway, why didn't I just push her off. That's the thing I suppose: I'm too nice. I was a terrible boyfriend. How could I do that to him? I hated myself so much for that. Tears ran down my cheeks, honestly the world would be better off without me. My terrible mistakes screw everything up.

I slowly pulled myself from the sofa and walked to the bathroom. I stood in front of the sink, I stared at my reflection in the mirror. There were so many reasons to not date me. One of those was that I am too nice and I will not push a drunk girl off me; we could have ended up having sex and I still wouldn't push her off or tell her no. I am weak as fuck. But I wish he knew what I said, about how we are together no matter what...

I traced the puffy outline of my eyes with my fingers. They were sore to touch, I must have cried loads. I sat on the edge of the bathtub. I held my head in my hands. My sleeves fell, revealing the scars I had cut 5 days ago, the day before I moved in with Troye. I promised myself to never do it again, like the time before and the time before that. I suppose I've been breaking this promise since the first day. My eyes shifted across the edge of the bathtub to the razor. I picked it up and stood in front of the mirror. I took the little plastic cap off and placed it on the sink. I placed it on my wrist. Staring into my own reflection, I pushed my hand down on my wrist and dragged it. The pain kicked in, but it was a dull pain. I suppose I've been doing this for a while now so the feeling is nothing new. I pressed the razor down on my skin and dragged. I repeated this for a while until my wrist was crimson. I examined the cuts, carved on my skin were 3 words. 'Love... Me.... Harder.'

What was I doing? I dropped the razor. Why am I so stupid, it won't fix me at all. My mind filled with regret, why? I reached for the cupboard next to the mirror and grabbed my bottle of sleeping pills and poured a handful of them. I stuffed them in my mouth, gagging as some got stuck down my throat. My surroundings blurred. The pills fell from my hand, and everything went black.
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A/N Hi. That was hard to write. Possibly the hardest thing to write. Well, I hoped you liked this chapter and you have a really nice day. I love you so much and thanks for 200 reads <3<3<3