what tragedies befall us

drivin' me, drivin' me insane!

AN: I've been reading too much fluff and it's getting to my brain. Take it while you still can.

TW: Mentions of death/weapons, implied abuse/suicidal thoughts/explosions, self-deprecating thoughts

TommyInnit is a Big Man.

He fought a war, gave up his most prized possessions, witnessed the death of his own brother. He was there when the bombs went off, was there to deal with the aftereffects of a crazed leader. He was there to hear his best friend's words, was there to be thrown out of the very country he first founded. He was there to experience getting isolated, manipulated, and abused by the tyrant who once called himself a friend.

TommyInnit is a Big Man, so he takes it. He faces every challenge with fire in his eyes and his fists raised. He covers up his feelings of betrayal by playing indifference. He hides his scars, both emotional and physical, under long sleeves and crooked grins.

Sometimes his abuser hides under a facade of friendship and caring. Sometimes his friends turn out not so friendly. Sometimes people he trusts prove him wrong, and sometimes the people he despises are the ones to comfort him.

But TommyInnit is a Big Man, so he takes it all.

No matter how many times he gets beat down, no matter how many times he gets turned away, no matter how many times he stands at edge of a tower, he gets back up again. Because that's what Big Men do. Ignore their own feelings, their own hurt and their own pain, because all it does is hinder people, and people don't like that.

People want someone strong, someone reliable, someone they can depend on. People want a soldier.

So, Tommy provides them with one, because if not helpful to anyone, then what is he? What is he, if not used or manipulated or exploited? What use does he serve, if not someone you can send on the front lines, someone you can heap all your tasks on, someone you can make take a bullet for you?

Exactly, he's nothing. Just someone in the way, just a waste of space.

TommyInnit is a Big Man, and Big Men certainly aren't good for nothing. And in order to keep his claim true, he has to buck up and actually play the part of a Big Man. Because in a world of guns and wars and politics, nobody has time for emotions, nobody needs to deal with trauma, nobody wants to apologize. The past is in the past, after all; to survive, they must focus on the future, and reminiscing on old times will only make things more difficult.

TommyInnit might not truly be a Big Man, but he sure as hell can pretend.

In a world full of betrayal and deceit, this is just another little lie to live by.

TommyInnit is a Big Man.

TommyInnit is strong.

TommyInnit is brave.

TommyInnit is selfless.

TommyInnit is trustworthy.

TommyInnit is skilled.

TommyInnit is quick.

TommyInnit is resourceful.

TommyInnit is dependable.

TommyInnit is the perfect soldier.

B̶u̶t̶ ̶T̶o̶m̶m̶y̶I̶n̶n̶i̶t̶ ̶i̶s̶ ̶n̶o̶t̶ ̶a̶ ̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶g̶o̶o̶d̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶s̶o̶n̶.