Are you a writer thirsty for feedback but just can't seem to get one (a honest one, at least)? Then, My friend, this book is specially for you!
Just to make things clear, I will be completely honest and I will not spare your feelings. Good books are...
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Wow, would you look at the eye-catching red font. The font, colour is great but I believe that you could make it bigger. It's great and I have no complaints.
Title: Intriguing and creative. That all I can say. It's a nice title, suitable for the story and it gives you the vibes...whatever that is.
Impression: It would be great if you could just leave the image of Hell and Heaven to the reader's imagination. You even put gif's to make it easier for the reader to imagine it and that's great but it would be greater if you could describe it and make the setting far more ethereal that way. The idea of a devil falling in love is great. Also, the fact that he calls her 'my love' gives me the chills. Woosh, why?
Because you don't just call random people that unless you're a 48-year-old man on tinder.
Also, there are so many pictures and some of us don't like those but yeah, it's fine ig. It would be great if you could describe them tho.
Blurb: Where is the blurb-
Grammar: You put lowercases at the beginning of a sentence sometimes and you actually put 'cuz' in your book. You could improve yourself in this field.
"He never thought he would chose love over lusty til he met yn"
I believe what you were trying to say was-"He never thought that he would choose love over lust till he met Y/n"
Also,
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'Taehyung spoke in anger'
It would be greater if he was like-"What the fuck, you mean you can't find her still!?" Taehyung snapped, scowling as rage thrummed though his veins.
and
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This made him sad
SHOW the readers that he is sad instead of TELLING them that he is sad. Say that he choked on his tears, he sniffled quietly or that a part of him felt as if it was ripped apart or something broke inside him. Anything that doesn't say 'sad'!
It needs a little fix but other than that, it's pretty great!
Plot: THE.PLOT.IS.FRIKIN.GREAT. yes, just yes. I love the storyline and its pretty unique so keep it up <3
Characters:
Taehyung/Lucifer: Dude fucked up and wants to fix it so yeah, he's marvelous. Why do I get the feeling that God will punish him soon-
Jimin: Your overprotective ass needs to take a chill pill because damn-
Jin: I don't know what to say about him but I like lobsters too. Also, did it hurt when Tae threw you? Yea it probably did.
Y/n: Why the hell are you so soft?
Kim Namjoon: Bro idk about you, you're just chill
Jennie: Your purpose is to make the people around you feel better because you're just a supporting character of the whole plot
God: OMFG I LOVE YOU!!!
Others: Are there others? Probably
_____________________
Conclusion:
Your storyline is unique, intriguing, makes me wanna read more and I like that Jimin is standing in the way of Taehyung's desire which is Y/n. It makes us wanna smash the screen and grab that little piece of shit away- (I'm a little aggressive, sorry) So yeah, overall, it's a great story and I advise you to describe things a little. Example.
Taehyungs eyes flared in rage as his fist clenched, trying to hold himself back from punching Jimin in the face. "Move," he growled, breathing hard.
"No," Jimin responded bluntly with no trace of remorse on his face. He wasn't about to let him hurt y/n again.
Taehyung roared deafeningly, his palm flamed with illuminating blue light that radiated blistering heat, particles of the fire swirling intensely around them in a cinematic way. "I said," he demanded through gritted teeth. "move"
Jimin's palm flickered, a fire formed around his hands as he threw a fireball towards Taehyung's face. He dodged it effortlessly, wearing a shit-eating grin. Taehyung glanced at his smouldering hand; a smirk crept on his face. "Dora Dora Dora The Explora-"
That's just a shitty example of what I'm trying to say. It would be cool if you could describe it like that instead of showing gif's and pictures but hey, I'm not forcing you to change your unique style of writing so yeah, it's your choice. You're a great writer and I look forward to reading more great stories like this <3 No seriously tho, I would watch this if it was a movie because damn, its so good.
Result:
6/10
Keep up you good work because stories like this are fun to read!
