The Pain of One's Self

Passing by a mirror, the reflection, although I have seen it many times before, was different. Pain was emitting from those eyes. The emeralds which were full of hope and wonder were now full of fear and disdain. Oh, how I used to love those eyes, but those memories and feelings seem as if they belonged to another. As if I were reading a book or listening to someone else's story, seeing what they saw in their own reflection. Running my gaze over my other wise emotionless face, I could see lines and freckles that could indicate my age. Although, like my eyes, my face gave me an uneasy feeling, which left a numb pit in my stomach. Where has the time gone, have I wasted so much of it, that I here and now can notice the difference? Growing with every passing second, the numbing sensation was engrossing me until there was no other recognizable feeling left.

Continuing my stride, I turned to face my mother's room which housed a sleeping figure. As if I were preparing to say my final goodbyes, a tear began to travel down my cheek. Without any further hesitation, I crept slowly into the room. Each step brought the sleeping figure closer. Standing above the unconscious and unaware individual. I leaned down and gently touched my lips to her temple. Straightening back to my initial position, the figure stirred. Peering through slitted eyes, she croaked out the words, "What are you doing? Is something wrong?" Fighting the urge to climb into bed next to her and hold her tight, letting all my thoughts, my worries, my problems, myself, melt away into calm nothingness. Afraid I would start to break down and confess, I just shook my head indicating No. Without asking another question, she turned her body, pulling her grey cotton blanket over her shoulders, in hopes to entice sleep to take over once again.

Turning to leave, I almost felt as if I should turn around and confess all my thoughts and worries that she would want to know, but I remembered that she too has worries and problems and does not share them with me, so who am I to confide in her, when she does not do the same. Although I know I should let her in, I feel as if I should protect her, hide her from the demons within. I do not want to worry her, she has done so much for me, for us. For us?

As if I were walking into a dark cave, the atmosphere in this room began to change. "Not again," I muttered to myself, "please not here." The world around me began to become brighter and brighter, as if a yellow hue was placed on everything I could see. The once sleeping figure began to stir again, but this time setting up from the bed, this person is not who I thought they were. No. This being could not be from this world, its skin was a dark grey, similar to that of a clear sky just before a terrible storm came. Their eyes, black like coal, stared at me, but not at me, but as if they could see through me. I opened my mouth trying to yell, but no words came out. The creature opened its mouth as if to say something, but my voice emitted from its lips. Taken aback, I tried to turn and leave but the door was gone, but how! Wait, where am I? The room with lime green walls was replaced with trees and shrubs. A forest?

Turning to look at the alien again, the bed which it was once setting was now a carcass of a recently deceased deer. The animal's body was laying on its side, the stomach was bloated enough to the point it looked like it was about to pop. The being was standing next to the remains of this once beautiful creature. Standing over nine feet tall, towering over me, I could no longer see its eyes, my field of vision was blocked by the tops of trees. Although the trees were not very tall, they all were closely packed as if a planter wanted to grow as many trees as they could on a single spot of land. The creature's body was all that I could see, its arms were long and thick like a dog-wood tree and their hands were the size of small chairs. The fingers were long and a darker grey than the rest of its body, with nails that looked more like arrow heads, but were the length of swords.

The hands began to move towards me. Trying to dodge the advances, my body would not move, as if I were in a state of sleep paralysis. The hand was getting close, the claws were about to reach my face. When the hand paused, becoming slack and falling back to its master's side. The giant leaned down and stared with those obsidian eyes. "You will join us," a voice echoed inside my head, "whether you like it or not."

I squeezed my eyes shut preparing for the end, but the end never came, I waited, still nothing. I peeked through my eyelashes to see those familiar lime green walls and the door frame I was standing in front of before. Almost too scared to turn around to check to see if the figure was there, I let out a breath that I did not realize I was holding.