Bruised

What is Normal?

October 20th 2004
Nothing has been the same since I was eleven. Mums ex boyfriend abused me night after night, it became a regular occurrence the same as mums routine of going out every night. When he left he alone in my room I would sob into my pillow so he wouldnt hear and be tempted to cone back. By the time I was thirteen I became mute, I had no reason to talk and by then I understood fully what he was doing to me and exactly what he was. However it was such a regular event that I knew when he would do it, how long it took and when mum would be back home. I couldnt tell anyone not even mum. What would she think of me.
Eventually mum and him broke it off, she said she wanted to be alone, which of course I was pleased about.
When he left mum started to drink heavily and leave the house early in the morning. Sometimes she wouldn't be home for days so I had to do everything myself.
Now I am fifteen, basically motherless; independent and depressed. This is not how I would picture my life being, I am too young to be acting like an adult; my childhood was ruined and so this time now should be when I catch up on lost time.
High school is about the only normal thing in my life right now, there are the usual cliché groups which I sort of like, it gives that sense of normal everyday high school teenager a good turn. Its almost Halloween so everyone is dashed around preparing decorations and costumes for the halloween party. Halloween is my favourite holiday as it gives me the chance to be someone else for a night and not remember any of my horrible experiences.
Looking at the pumpkins laying around the school with their grim faces and the witches cauldrons bubbling and boiling, reminds me of halloween as a child with my dad and mum. The candy apples and treat filled bags were the highlight of my childhood. Now its nothing but slutty costumes, sleazy boys and bottles filled of amnesia. Underage drinking is the new trend now a days and I am certainly no stranger to it, it is quite possibly the best experience I've had. All of my worries and nightmares are erased from my mind and for a short time I really am happy, I feel whole.
This halloween will be slightly different than the others, this one will be a house party; one that I have actually been invited to by the popular girls. I was utterly shocked and I dont speak at all never mind to these girls. So when I was invited something in my gut told me not to go, however I would rather not spend time alone...again. This night must be perfect to reach that level of social acceptance.