Our story started long before this story was written. And, the ending? Well, that's still a mystery, even to me. So, if you're here looking for some cut and dry love story where the hero gets the girl and they live happily ever after, you might be in the wrong place. But, this story is real. And it's mine...
Years ago I met Him. I was working as a home health-care provider for his aunt in Iowa. That year he and his brother made a trip for a few weeks in the summer to visit her. Now, we were both very young and, mostly, pretty innocent, though he was a few years older than myself. We quickly became good friends and for two years that's all we were.
It was the third year of these summer visits where things began to change. I started catching feelings for him, and him for me. Most of that visit was spent with awkward flirting and teasing looks. And I desperately wanted him to kiss me, to be my first for everything. But then things started going wrong.
We were both hanging out with some mutual friends one day at the park. A normal, pretty boring time until one of those friends decided to ask me out in front of the rest of them. I was completely taken aback by this and refused to give them my answer. I kept glancing over at the boy who already had stolen my heart, hoping he would say something to save me from this utterly embarrassing moment.
Though, to my complete horror, he didn't stand up for me. He began to join in with the others, and began pushing me to say yes. Angry, hurt, and confused, I still refused to answer and turned around and left without a word. I had thought he had felt our connection too, I guess I was wrong. It felt like he had betrayed me, right there in front of everyone.
By the end of the day though, I had managed to shrug off the whole ordeal. He kept asking me, "What happened?" and "What's wrong?". I answered neither and simply changed the subject every time. Eventually he got the message and backed off, allowing me to be able to think again.
From there, it just got worse. I had just gotten home from softball practice and decided to ride my bike across town to see him. Seemingly right after I got there, his aunt asked him and his brother if they would go run an errand for her. He asked me if I wanted to go too but, seeing as I had just gotten done at practice and had already rode across town once, I was exhausted and didn't want to go back out into the heat yet.
So I said no, I would just stay at his aunts and talk with her until they got back. I could tell he was kind of annoyed about that but I was tired and didn't really care at that moment. I figured he would blow off some steam and be fine by the time they got back. Boy was I wrong...
They came back a bit later, but it was immediately obvious that he hadn't been able to cool his temper while they were gone, in fact, he just looked even more mad than when they had left. At this point it was getting close to the time my momma had given me to be home and, a few minutes before they had gotten back, I had mentioned this to his aunt. As he walked up to us, sitting on some lawn chairs in front of her door, she casually mentioned to him that I would have to leave soon.
His next words were a testament to just how upset he was over this, and they're words that I remember with a certain clarity that few memories ever hold. I, to this day, still remember the moment as if it happened only moments ago, and I will remember them as such for the rest of my life. He said, "Fine. Go. She's not worth my time or effort." As the last word left his mouth the door slammed behind him as he disappeared inside the house, punctuating his point. And, for a few seconds everything was silent, not even the birds in the pines dared to speak as my world fell apart.
As the silence went on for second after excruciating second, I glanced around at his aunt and brother who were both glancing back and forth between me and the closed door with a mixed look of curiosity, anger, and pity. It was the pity that broke my stillness. I stood quickly, mumbling something about needing to get home, and jumped on my bike to head across town to the safety and comfort of my room.
I managed to get out of sight from the two of them before the dam broke and tears flooded my eyes. I cried silently my entire ride home. As I reached my house, I had a dread sitting in the pit of my stomach. I didn't want to have to walk past my mother to get to my room. But, luckily for me, she hadn't gotten home quite yet. I was able to drag myself inside without questions and get safely tucked away in my room before anyone got home. The next few days I was miserable. I refused to message him and he didn't contact me either. So came the end of that week.
That weekend, however, was a special day, the Fourth of July. My parents took my brother and I out to the river to watch the fireworks before we went home to set off our own. When we got there, we went down to meet my best friend, and neighbor, where they were sitting. As soon as they came into view though, the dread hit my stomach again at full force. He was sitting with his aunt and brother across a small clearing where my family was already bridging the gap between the two groups. I slowly walked over and sat my chair down beside my friend and ignored his existence. We existed in an uneasy truce the rest of the night, neither one willing to speak first.
Every minute of a night that was supposed to be filled with fun and laughter now had a forced edge to it. I couldn't laugh freely, waiting for him to say something. Both wanting him to make a joke and pretend it never happened while at the same time, hating him so much for what he said and what it did to me. We all packed up our belongings as the show came to an end and neither of us had spoken to the other so far. I began to think that we wouldn't speak and, frustrated and upset, I walked ahead of the group.
I couldn't think of anything besides getting to the car so I could calm down and not be crying when my family got there. As I was exiting the gate that opened to the road where we parked the car it happened. He ran up behind me, slowing as he got close, treating me like a wild animal that could strike at any moment. I kept walking and, after a quick glance, refused to look at him or speak. After a few seconds he started to speak. He tried to apologize to me, wanting me to forgive him. After a few moments of thought I finally turned to look at him.
That was a mistake, immediately the scene played in front of my eyes again, tears started pooling in my eyes and I had to look away. After I regained my composure, mostly, I spoke, though I wouldn't look at him again. I said to him something along the lines of, "I can accept your apology, I really do think you're sorry. But, I can't forgive you. Not right now." He said ok and we left it at that as we reached the cars and went our separate ways.
Now, I believe it is right to mention at this point that we weren't dating officially but, from the way we acted, we had both thought that it was just a matter of time. After this though, neither of us knew what was going to happen next. A few days later he left to go back home. And, though we tried to message a couple times, it was strained and the conversations never went anywhere. We basically ignored each other for about four months after that.
Though, eventually we started to talk again. After giving us both some time away, the conversation didn't seem so strained. It gave me hope. Within a few weeks we were practically back to what we had before, and a few weeks after that we decided we would try dating for real.
We dated for close to a year at that time, but unfortunately, he wasn't able to come back that next summer due to his aunt having surgery and not being able to handle having the two boys over.
