The Shattering of Innocence

part two

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15 YEARS LATER

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'That's fucking bullshit!'

I jumped, my spoon clattering against the bowl and a splash of Coco Pops with milk fell onto the table. The petite kitchen went silent- all astonished at Caroline's sudden outburst of anger, for it was not often such language was shouted in this household; under strict conditions it was made obvious that we weren't to act in a vulgar way. 

'Caroline, sit down before you cause trouble for yourself,' The voice of a refined woman spoke over Caroline's frustrated mood, her elderly voice fragile yet demanding. I stared up at the two of them: Caroline, a statuesque 25 year old, her dirty blonde hair tied neatly back in a plait as her sultry lips drew into a thin line and her dark, mahogany eyes glared down at the venerable, ageing lady whom had authority over the acts in our house: in other words, my Nanna.

'Mum, you have to agree that this is idiotic! How did they consent to this?!' Caroline's voice calmed to an easier tone as she slouched back into her seat, staring at the table, afraid to make contact with her mother's eyes again- she knew her power in this situation.

The aged woman sighed, moving her vision away from Caroline and back to me, eyes sympathetic as she watched my frightened state.

'Look, I don't know how, but she won the case, alright? She's received what she demanded and we can't take offensive or argue- we tried that only to fail. If she has the custody now then there's not a lot Social Services can change for us.'

'But it's been 15 years with hardly any contact, she's my own sister and blocked me from her life- I was only 10! All 'cause she probably wanted to run off with some boy. Now she thinks she has her life together?! That's fucking bullshit.' She repeated, however this time her words were received with a hard slap across the face from Nanna. Caroline shushed and frowned at her mother, before turning her eyes to me. My eyes flickered between Nanna and Caroline, an awkward tension rising as we sat at the wooden, circular table gazing at one another. 

The tension broke as I got up from my chair, moving my bowl of cereal to the side. I didn't want to speak about this any longer. Rays of sun crept through the window as the morning sky brightened, it was early and I had no intention of sharing my thoughts on the recent drama when I had school to get too.

'I need to get ready for school, can we talk about this later?' My voice was timid compared to the intensity of Caroline's shouts.

Nanna slowly exhaled and nodded at me, 'Of course, Victoria, but this is a topic you can't avoid, you have to understand that. You need to prepare.' Her tone was soft and gentle, trying her best to circumvent upsetting me. 

I left the room without replying, wanting to drop the conversation as quickly as possible.

Caroline soon followed leaving after exchanging a few quiet words to Nanna- with the confined and ancient house the three of us shared, the walls were thin enough for me to have listened to their conversation, however fear ruled out all curiosity I had over the subject.

My mum had won. She had taken my Nanna to court and won. She had partial custody. I was going to have to meet her, after 15 years of her leaving me on this home's doorstep as a new born. Why now? Had she fixed her life after all this time? Why had she legally fought her own mother when it was her decision to abandon me in the first place? Nothing made sense, questions spilled out of my head that nobody but her could answer. Maybe meeting her would be a good thing, maybe her cruel actions towards me would make sense. I learned to stop asking questions to my Nanna and Aunt when it was obvious that they were as clueless as me, Caroline was only 10 when her sister, my mother, left at age 18, and Nanna never harboured a strong enough connection to her child to know what was happening in her life. Is this event a good thing?

Consumed in my mind, I finished dressing in uniform and walked to the front door in a daze. My trance was broken as I saw Caroline waiting for me with a condoling smile on her face. We waved goodbye to Nanna and walked off into the streets to my school, silently appreciating each others presence. 

The atmosphere lingered thick with fear, as my Aunts worried eyes stared down at me, watching me walk by her side down the pavement. 

She was scared-terrified.