In My Library

#24 at 4:53am time on a Tuesday, I'm tired to a boiling degree, I might collapse due to sleep deficiency.
Im no Scholar but I know that a human brain doesn't function according to numbers.
Its hard to focus with 400,000 scrolls of papyrus on the shelfs, and Mr. Robben works next door as I counted the steps from his doorway to mine. I'm afraid of him.
As I walk down the hallways of red carpets and shelves to my right and left going all the way up to the ceiling with different colored covers, I see Mrs ruby. She seems to be occupying a room to my left, a storage room?

"Hello, madam ruby" I greeted, smiled, at the 31 year old.
"Hi ink, how was your day going" she kneeled down to me, smiling and ruffling my bangs
"oh good.. say, do you still have the folder package I gave you last week" "yeah, do you need it"
"yeah I do"
"ok, hang on"
...
"here you go" "take care of your self alright"
"stay hydrated"

As I shut the door behind me, the voices cave in, scratches on the walls like bear claws, messy room as if a tornado has been here. You might think I'm being funny when I say the only thing loud in that room is not my own voice or the thoughts in my head but the silence around me..
Writing for 12 hours to keep myself alive, but how do you describe the feeling of death when you're still breathing, and who am I to judge.

"I mean, it is from my imagination.."
"Right..?"

#25 some times I can't think of anything  to write about. I search through the doors and files in my mind and can't seem to find a description of what I'm feeling. Is it panic, is it... insanity. If so..
I will not speak of it nor will I ever act like it.
Remain a stoic till i form 2 faces.
Books can be dangerous for the mind if your the one writing them with thoughts that aren't yours, voices talking In your head..but aren't yours. People around you that you think they aren't yours,
but later do you realize that the only people you think they aren't yours is your own parents,
They raised you, fed you, but they created the voices inside of you..

"The only thing you can be is xxx"
ーwhen they say i have optionsー
"You WILL meet my expectations, regardless of your opinion"
ーWhen they say they are looseー
"What i create in you is all ill ever be proud of you for"
ーWhen they say they are supportiveー
"You're too young to make your own decisions"
ーWhen they say I'm old enough to shoulder responsibilitiesー

I don't live with a husband, Wife or human..
I live in my head..alone..with the books stacked by my side and an entire library full of thoughts for another story..