Rocky Waters

Chapter 2

As promised to Robert, I put myself "out there" again. Over the next few months I joined two dating sites. The first was one of the more mainstream sites many of my friends had used over the years, the other was a site aimed at introducing adults who were in to more alternative lifestyles and kink. I had a few nice, bland dates with some men from the first site but no sparks developed from any of them.

The second site was filled with men looking for either one night stands, or men who wanted to "own" me despite the fact that my profile indicated I preferred independence outside of the bedroom. Most of all, at 42, I was discouraged by the lack of men my own age who were interested in dating women above the age of 30.

Ah well, I mused, it was worth the try but perhaps it was time to shut down my profiles and take a break from dating for a while. It was leaving me frustrated and feeling more alone than ever.

I also needed to start planning my summer. My 12 year old daughter would be leaving in a few weeks to stay with her father in London for 2 months. Frank had moved back to his native country after the divorce, and Addie stayed with him over the summer and winter breaks.

He's a good father, and moving so far from his daughter has been very difficult for him, but his family business needed him. He visits Addie a few times through the year in addition to seeing her when she traveled to him. Our fire died long ago, but Frank and I had parted as friends and continue to co-parent together amicably.

I'd used the time apart from Addie the previous summer for an investigative journalism project I had wanted to do for years. It had taken me to southern Sudan to interview an international team of midwives striving to establish improved prenatal care and help lower the staggering birth mortality rates. The experience had been difficult but inspiring.

I'd hoped this summer to begin a new project, but decreased funding for public radio had limited any new stories. In fact, I'd been encouraged to take some time off for myself while they aired a few weeks of my "best of" clips.

It was just as well. My three bedroom bungalow was in dire need of a makeover. For years I've dreamed of a gourmet kitchen, complete with stained concrete counters, Mexican tiled backsplash, Viking range, and new cabinetry. I'd taken a class years prior on tiling, but the rest I'd need to contract out. In the end, I decided to take a "stay-cation."

***

My radio show airs in the late afternoon. This gives me time in the morning to walk Griffin, read the paper over coffee (I still prefer the crinkle and smell of newsprint over the glare of a screen), then go to the gym which is where I find myself now.

I try to make it here at least 4-5 days a week, unless I have time to work in a hike instead on one of my days off. It's a large gym that gets crowded in the early morning, but by 10am the crowd starts to thin and there's no waiting for equipment. Today is no exception.

As I walk in, I realize how much I appreciate the crowd that prefers to come here rather than some of the other flashier gyms. Although there are a few women that dress as if ready to go to a dance club, most of us prefer good old gym clothes and practical ponytails.

Today I'm wearing spandex capris that just go below the knee, a sports bra, and an old, comfy t-shirt with a picture of Lou Reed on the front. Its neck is cut out to help keep me cool, but I also know it attracts a little attention as it tends to slip off my shoulder during workouts. I've got my hair up in a sloppy ponytail, although other days I'll wear it down.

Occasionally I run in to a friend and socialize a little, but mostly I go in, work out, then hit the showers. It wasn't until the past year that I started to open my eyes and notice the men, and more to the point, notice them noticing me. It startled me at first, but if I have to be honest to myself, I enjoy the attention.