just broken and lost

f*ck u

marli,

we were best friends.. attached at the hip and inseparable. bonded by trauma and stories we shared.
we were both scared of men and in public when we were scared you would hold my hand so that the old scary men would just think we were gay and leave us alone. i was the only one who could remind you of all the pure things in ur life to keep you from having flashbacks. i protected you from yourself all the fucking time just to keep you alive. and where was jayden? the "best friends for 9 years" fucking champ? where the fuck was she? i could have used some help keeping you from killing yourself but guess what? she wasn't fucking there she didn't fucking know. but yet you let her act like high and mighty now that we aren't friends but i think it's funny that i was the one. the ONLY fucking one who stood up for you at school i was the one to catch that heat. not fucking jayden. not you. me. i fucking carried all of it for you. because you were my best friend and i valued you. when you went to the physiology therapy and you remembered everything about that day who begged and cried and pleaded to their parents to be there with you to keep you from doing something stupid and to make you feel better? me. all me. not anyone else. and when ryan died. god when ryan died you said you wanted to be there for me since i had always been there for you. but the vary next fucking day i get the fucking text saying that you couldn't be there for me and i should just drop everything to be there for you again when i would have gladly done that anyway but i was mourning too. i was mourning for you and making sure you didn't feel alone. but no you wanted all of that attention to yourself like you always have you never wanted to be there for me. you always wanted the attention and finally when i decided to work on myself because i was barely hanging on because of how far you had pushed me down from me carrying all of your baggage for you. you told me that you didn't want to be friends anymore and you wanted to deal with everything on your own and find yourself without me. well that's funny too because the last i checked dealing with something on your own and dealing with something with jayden are two different things. you used me to make you happy and when i wanted to focus on myself you left. you left me will all of your baggage and all of my impurities. but most importantly you left me alone. everyone left because of you and i was okay with that because i had you but then you left and i had no one. no one to help me. after i spent all of that time helping bring you up. i was left alone at the vary bottom. to deal with it on my own. you had jayden and everyone. but i had you. but no i lost you too. so i had to pick myself up and dust myself off and try to walk again. so excuse me for being a little upset with you marli. but you don't know how bad you fucked me up. i'm nowhere near the same person i was. i'm completely and utterly dead inside now. i have no remorse even if i wanted to. so fuck you for that.

sincerely, the bitch you ruined <3