stars and terrain (zayn malik)

Chapter 15

Charlotte

It’s probably the last thing I expect him to say, and I’m not sure I heard right. There’s no way that is what he just said. I can buy that he likes me. I might even believe I’m his favorite of all his groupies. But love sounds insane. I drop my eyes and force air out of my nose in an incredulous “ha. Good one.”

“I’m serious.” 

My eyes rise to meet his, and they match his words. He’s staring at me so intently.

“I cancelled a show and said I was sick because I wanted to see you.”

There it is. What I hadn’t been letting myself entertain in my brain.

“What about your photo shoot?”

“You know there’s no photo shoot.”

I sort of suspected, but having it confirmed is a very different feeling.

“Why?” I ask. I feel like a broken record. I don’t suffer from that terrible of self-esteem. I know it takes pretty to get into this guy’s bed when he has his pick of the world, but this is the first time he’s actively rearranged his life to spend time with me. And not just bed time. And it’s because he thinks he loves me? 

I wonder if I’m being punked or what other elaborate prank is going on that involves this extremely famous and extremely handsome man cancelling a sold out concert to fly across the country and tell me he’s falling in love with me. 

“Because I missed you.”

 I secretly pinch the back of my arm.

I am awake. This is really happening.

“And since I realized I feel this way, I don’t really know what to do. In case you didn’t catch that from my horribly awkward phone call.” he raises his eyebrows and makes me giggle at the memory. “I wasn’t really trying to pay to have someone eat barbeque with me.”

“So Miss Nashville wasn’t busy?”

“I didn’t even text her.”

I smile at this. My mom would be proud. All of my cool girl, leave them wanting more tactics worked. As a former beauty queen and present day gold digger, my mother had been grooming me my entire life on how to attract men. I always found it strange, the way she would give these lessons when I had no male prospects throughout high school, but I listened. This is the first person I’d ever actively used the tactics on, and she was right. They had worked. The problem is, she never really told me what to do once they did.

I turn my attention back to my food. It’s now cold, but I don’t know how to fill the silence. It’s not awkward, but I need to figure out how I want to proceed. 

If he thinks he’s falling in love with me then I know I’m falling in love with him. I’ve known for a while, but I’ve been fighting it.

Because I’m still borrowing him. From what sometimes feels like the world.

And the world gets him back later today. 

“What time is your flight today?” He has a show tonight. Somewhere. My mind is too jumbled to remember.

“My flight isn’t until tomorrow. I leave in the afternoon.”

“What about the show tonight?”

“I already cancelled it.”

That must have been what he was doing this morning on his phone. What the fuck?

“You can’t do that!” I’m surprised at my own voice. It’s sharp and I drop my fork to punctuate. “If this is… what this might be, we can’t pretend this is real life. Hiding out in hotel rooms, pissing off everyone you work with, disappointing the people who want to see you. I don’t want you to cancel things for me.” 

He squints, confused, but nods. “Okay. I’m sorry. I should have asked you first but I just wanted a day. My birthday…” 

“Alright, I get it. It’s your birthday,” I groan. “I don’t have anything for you because I didn’t know.”

“That’s probably a good thing,” he smiles and it makes my anger dissipate. That perfect face with the sharp angles and the crescent shaped eyes smiling just told me it was falling in love with me and I need to let that sink in.

Cool Charlotte is pretty much dead now. She’s trying to remind me that this man has the potential to destroy me. To decide tomorrow after a day together that he misses the company of more than one girl. To suddenly remember he is a giant celebrity that doesn’t really need to tell girls he might love them to get them to do whatever he wants. But for today, just today, I’m going to pretend he means it. 

“Just let me call you Charlie all the time,” he says it so small and his accent is so sweet that I tip my head back in defeat. 

“And let me call you my girlfriend.” 

I smile, it’s huge and it spreads across my face completely involuntarily and even though my face is pointed towards the bright blue sky I know he can see it. I hear his chair screech against the ground and his footsteps round the table and before I know it he’s leaning down to kiss me.

It’s quick and sweet and he’s back in his seat a few seconds later, which I think might be even more romantic than if he had dragged me back to the bed. It’s becoming clearer and clearer that this isn’t just about sex, and the more it does the more my subconscious calms down.

“Want to hear an idea I have for today?”

 His voice sounds so uncharacteristically giddy and light that I give in. “Sure.”  

“I contacted some realtors the other day and I really want to get a place here… today.”

I gulp down the rest of my orange juice. This is moving so fast.

“Would you please come look at houses with me? I found a few in Malibu.”

He winks at me. Winks. And I feel like I’ve melted into a puddle on the patio chair.

How did I get here?

I’m about to go look at multimillion-dollar Malibu mansions with this man. On his birthday. Because he blew off work and flew across the country to see me. Because he is falling in love with me.

“One condition.” I say it tougher than I mean, and worry washes over his face.

“We go by my place so I can change.” I hadn’t let myself bring clothes for tomorrow because I wanted to make sure I slipped out early. Usually this plan works, but usually he’s not asking me to help him pick out a place to live and telling me he might be in love with me.

“Of course,” he nods, standing up from the table. “I’ll get a car.”

I follow into the hotel room behind him, a rush of nerves overtaking me. We’ve never done this in the daylight. Everything is definitely different, and I’m starting to let myself believe everything he’s saying, but it doesn’t make it feel normal yet. How is this going to work?

I don’t catch him staring at me, noting what must be my terrified expression, but he’s at my side in the next second with his hands pressed to my cheeks.

“What’s wrong?” 

“It’s hard to keep a secret,” I answer, honestly, letting my thoughts tumble out of my mouth. I should probably censor them but his eyes are so genuine that I feel comfortable. “Like, it’s hard enough at night. Dodging people, dodging pictures, but we’ve never done this in the daylight, in real life. How does it work? Should we take two cars? Do we have a plan for-”

“Hey, hey, hey.” He’s wrapping his arms around my shoulders and pulling me towards him before I can keep rambling, and I let myself relax against him. He presses kisses to the top of my head and I take a deep breath as he whispers in my ear. “I don’t want this to be a secret. I said girlfriend. I meant girlfriend.”

I squeeze myself against him tighter and I’m pretty sure Cool Charlotte is rolling over in her grave.