Don't Forget To Remember Me

Good Talk

Mondays suck.  Laura had come back from her classes when she noticed her laptop was no longer on the couch.  She put her bag down and walked to the bedroom, seeing that the light was on.  Carmilla was watching something on the laptop with headphones on.

“Whacha watching?” she asked.  Carmilla seemed too engrossed in whatever she was looking at to answer.  That, or she heard, and didn’t want to bother answering.

Laura walked over to see what it was, and saw that it was one of her vlogs.

It took her a few moments to identify it as the second one she’d made once her and Carmilla had moved in.  Laura was unpacking and talking to the camera, while Carrmilla lounged around in the background.  Laura kept turning to ask her to help, but Carmilla adopted an increasingly indifferent façade.  That is, until Laura picked up one of Carmilla’s boxes with books, and it slipped from her hands and dropped on her foot.  Then Carmilla rushed over in worry and made Laura sit down before she unpacked everything else…

Carmilla paused her video and took off her headphones.  “I-I watched all of them,” she said quietly.  “All of them up to this one, anyway.”

Laura giggled, sitting at the foot of the bed.  “Ah, so you saw our first moments together,” she said, smiling.  “I can’t believe that was just a year ago.”

Carmilla averted her gaze and frowned.  “I was so mean to you,” she murmured.

“Oh, yeah, coz you’ve been such a loving ball of warmth this second time around,” Laura teased.  Carmilla’s frown deepened.  “I’m just kidding!” she added quickly.

An awkward silence followed, which Laura of course decided to end.  “Carm, I really was kidding.  I know this whole thing can’t be easy on you.”  She offered a reassuring smile.  “Did the videos help?”

Carmilla sighed deeply but didn’t answer.  A long silence followed.

Laura responded with a sigh of her own.  “Okay, good talk,” she said sarcastically, getting up from the bed.

Carmilla put a hand on Laura’s knee, stopping her.  “It has been hard on me,” she spoke softly, finally making eye contact.  “But it’s been hard on you, too, hasn’t it?”

Laura puffed up her cheeks and let them deflate slowly.  “Y-Yeah,” she admitted.  “I guess I just took for granted how much you’ve changed–– how much we’ve changed, and the past year has just been so amazing with you, and… I… I-I just really miss you, Carm.”  A tear rolled down her cheek.

Carmilla couldn’t stop herself from wiping it away.  After watching those videos and watching herself fall in love with this girl, and watching the girl fall in love with her, she was ashamed at her behavior for the past few days.  Yes, she had lost her memory, but she had been so involved in making it about herself that she had neglected to realize that for Laura, her girlfriend was staring at her blankly, or flat-out looking right through her.

This small girl had gone through great lengths to make sure she was comfortable.  She made sure the vampire always had blood and remained fed.  Hell, she had been sleeping on the damn couch for days so the vampire wouldn’t feel like there was an intrusion in her sleeping space.  And she’d given up her pillow, too.

The worst part of it was that Carmilla had no idea anything had been troubling the girl at all.  Laura had just been smiling and laughing for days, genuinely trying to remain positive in the face of it all.

Even though Carmilla had been nothing short of cold and even rude, this human was so compassionate.  Carmilla couldn’t remember the last time someone effectively managed to wake her up from a nightmare, let alone helped calm her down, and had more than one method to do it.

And how had she repaid Laura?  She made snide remarks, she remained discourteous, and she even sneered at some weekly ritual that Laura was trying to involve her in.  I didn’t even thank her for dinner, she realized, guiltily looking down and finding that a bruise had formed around Laura’s wrist from when she’d gripped it Saturday night.

She knew most of it had been bad habits she’d formed over the past three centuries from her experiences with Mother and Elle.  But that didn’t mean Laura deserved to be on the receiving end of her callousness.

“Carm?  You okay?”  Laura asked, worried.

Carmilla touched her face and realized she was crying.  She turned away, embarrassed.

Laura let out a small chuckle.  “Come on, you silly vampire,” she said, turning Carmilla’s head back to face her.  “Why are you crying?”

“Th-thank you for the blood sausages the other night,” Carmilla muttered.

Laura laughed.  “A bit late for that, don’t you think?”

“And I’m sorry for your wrist.  And for kicking you out of your own bed.”

The tiny girl tilted her head.  “Whoa, gratitude and an apology?”  She felt Carmilla’s forehead.  “You sick or something?”

Carmilla gave her a playful shove.  “Good job ruining the moment, you dork.”

Laura grinned and Carmilla wanted to smack that look off her face.  “What brought all of this on?”

“The videos,” she answered slowly.  “They just made me realize that even though I don’t remember any of it, you do.  And I know all too well that remembering can be just as bad as not remembering.”

Laura shrugged.  “Ah, don’t worry about it.  Perry was right.  The girl I fell in love with was still in you.  You have to be, because there is no way anyone else can get on my nerves as much as you do.”

Carmilla sighed.  “Laura?”

“Hmm?”

“Have we…”  Carmilla swallowed hard.  “Have we talked about your… your mortality?”

Laura blinked in surprise.  “Uh.  Wow.  It’s really all-or-nothing with you, huh?”  She bit her lip.  “We haven’t.  I mean, we probably will, but it’s just we’re only a year or so into the relationship.  I know you aren’t particularly fond of the idea of turning me.”  She began wringing her hands.  “I also know you’re not entirely happy as a vampire…”  Her voice trailed off, and she seemed to be blinking back tears.

Carmilla shrugged, trying to stop the girl from bursting into tears.  “It’s fine, I was… I was just wondering, is all.”

Laura nodded, a bit too hard.  “Okay, cool.  I’m gonna go make myself dinner.”  She rose from the bed and paused at the door.  “Carm?”

“Yes, cutie?”

“This…  This was nice.”  Laura turned and left the room.

“Yes.  Yes, it was,” Carmilla whispered once she was out of earshot.