Struggle For Homo

Part 3

Chapter 37

News in this town isn't occupied by the announcements of President Kashmark, it's the local gossip that has always been more important. Gossip and whispers of the young people's Unions goes from lips to lips. The institution of marriage was abolished long ago in their place came Unions celebrating love with no religion and with two partners of the same sex. In the time before, people become too old and frail to be useful and birth rates fell which contributed to the downfall of its society. Women suffered from inequality due to the task of pregnancy and the Republic is the country of equality. Along came the Artificial Development Centres who freed women of the pain and chore of childbirth. No need to wait to have kids later when they're conceived in a lab. Parenthood returned to people from a younger age range and almost everyone is unionised by the time they reach twenty- five. Choice is what makes our lives different from our predecessors, there are no restraints in life nor death. Beyond seventy and people tend to make the decision to pass over. Loneliness isn't an option.

By this stage I'm twenty- one years old and all over the internet and social media are pictures of my classmates at their Union ceremonies, some even choosing to create a child with their partner. The time for mine is coming and I need to be the one to carve out my future.

Not all couples make it to the Union stage. Ford was so excited when Yann needed to talk, I convinced him that he was going to into partnership with him. Turns out Yann is in love with someone else and couldn't keep going with the relationship and Ford understood. That night, we sat side by side in silence and I laid my arm around him as, yet again, he wasn't enough for someone.

*

Bit awkward when your friend's ex rocks up at your workplace. Psychology abandoned, I got myself a job at the local bike shop to be on standby and customer service if the machinery malfunctioned or someone needed a human hand. I could hardly have turfed him out and risked losing credits on my card, I served him quickly and tried to get him to move on. He was the one who hung around aching for a chat.

Once a week always in the afternoon, Yann showed up and browsed the ranges of accessories for his perfectly up-to date and high-speed electric bike. Time passes and sometimes he buys nothing at all and simply sits on the desk chatting. I don't mention that to Ford.

My shift ends one day and Yann approaches, resting a hand on my shoulder. He offers to buy me a drink and I see his intentions immediately. I want to say no, shrug him off and send him on his way. What holds me back is that clock ticking down to the time I'm expected to be in a Union. I say yes.

"Ford, Yann's asked me out," I confess. He doesn't answer straight away, his eyes wander around the room then settle back on me. "I can say I can't. It's weird-"

"It's alright, I'm not angry with you. Our relationship wasn't right, and I knew it all along. Go if you want. I'm too tired for jealousy,", he couldn't be jealous with the whole 'romance' being an absolute shame.

*

He was the one to lean in with sparkling eyes and to bring our lips together, not me. For a while, I had convinced myself this was a developing friendship which I craved with the number of friends I had lost. This wasn't to be a one-night-stand- this was the beginning of a commitment. I allowed him to, and Yann seemed convinced by me. Must have been like kissing a statue with how little I felt. That night, I paced around the flat instead of sleeping and no matter how hard Tyler tried to convince me I wouldn't go to bed. Eventually, I resorted to sitting by a window looking and wondering if I could find a world where it was possible for me to love a man.

Our first night should have been electric and magical like it had been with Carola. Again, this numbness spread through me and I felt nothing. Yann deserved to have someone who could fall in love with him, I could never give him that. Back to the flat and I check Tyler's asleep before adding another wound to my wrist.