The Diary

3/10/15

Life is hell sometimes…I hate depression!  Why can’t I feel better?  I take medication and even claim to be a Christian.  I try to find joy, but it is elusive.  I lost my job due to a bullying situation the end of January and started working for myself again.  I have one client, but need some more.  I owe back taxes and have been sent a re-payment plan that the IRS says if I will follow this plan then they will not put a lean on me or garnish my wages.  Then the next day I get a certified letter from the IRS stating they are putting a lean on me.  The first payment for my re-payment plan was not until March 25, 2015.  They didn’t even give me a chance to start paying and now I have to file paperwork to request a hearing by 3/30/15.  Couldn’t they have at least waited until I defaulted on my re-payment plan?

This was yesterday…my father has Dementia and will only change his clothes if I ask him to…and then he tells me he just changed them “this morning”.  I pour out the laundry basket since one week ago and there are two pairs of dirty underwear, one pair of dirty socks, one dirty T-shirt, and no blue jeans.  He refuses to change at the present time, so I lay out a clean set of clothing at the end of his bed which includes a clean pair of jeans, shirt, underwear, T-shirt, and socks.  Hopefully he put them on this morning…  

He found his remote today which he told me last week that one of the residents where he lives in a Senior Retirement home came to see him and stole it.  He said last week “I ought to kick his ass, I know he stole it.  He came in to see me and when he left, the remote was gone”.  

My disabled brother who lives with him (God bless him) called me this morning to let me know that the remote was found so I won’t have to buy another one. 

I took my disabled brother to the doctor yesterday for a routine check-up.  He has these sounds in his throat that sounds like wheezing but it doesn’t do it all the time and he has no control over it.  The sounds to me are like a baby crying or whimpering.  I taped it with my phone one day and let the doctor hear it while we were there.  When I asked her if she had ever heard anything like that before, she said she had not.  She said she would make a referral to an ENT doctor for evaluation.

The ENT office called today and we scheduled an appointment.  They will send me the paperwork because my brother loses his mail. 

I tried to do my billing on my only client and had so many problems with my old QuickBooks and dinosaur desk top that I ended up hitting it and messing it up.  I then downloaded this Bookkeeper program on my net book and had to take time to learn how to operate it. (I am NOT a tech person). 

I finally went to take my dog for a walk and ended up calling the suicide “talk” line.  I told her what I was going through and she just listened.  She didn’t really seem that empathetic.  I told her where I lived and after I told her I probably needed to go to counseling, she gave me a number to a place near me.  She didn’t say “good luck”, “I hope you feel better”, and I don’t even know if she said “bye”.  Anyway, I cried some and made it back home with my dog.

I finally completed my billing and got it faxed to my client.  Then I watched “The Voice” on T.V. and just had to write this stuff down.  I still need to apply for food stamps, but that will have to wait until tomorrow.  I’ve done enough today. 

Oh well…I hope your day has gone better.

JD 

Copyright 2015 Jordan Dean