Taking Time

Month Two

Naruto stared at his laptop, which was propped open on his lap as he was stretched out on Shikamaru's couch. He was coming down from a night of ferocious edits and writing. He was still working on the same essay he'd been working on—the piece he'd shown Hinata—two and a half weeks prior. Except now, he'd finessed it so much that Hinata had meetings lined up to showcase this "teaser" work to interested companies and independent investors. She was in love with his brutal, emotional writing style. It was something he realized he'd recently picked up from Jiraiya. When everything in Naruto's life was too much at peace, his work tended to suffer... Maybe that's why he had given up prematurely and sought a new path. Jiraiya always taught him to speak the truth, no matter how vulgar. Naruto twisted that advice, however, to fit his own writing style and it was proving to be worth it. Every time he sent the Hyuuga a new draft, she'd respond with—not an email—but a call expressing her love until she ran out of adjectives. Naruto never realized how much he'd missed that unwavering support system. Hinata offered it up to him without him ever asking. And—as a matter of fact—it helped Naruto find that continued spark of inspiration time and time again. He had an urgency to write... He felt that pouring his heart out onto the page made him understand his emotions even more than talking to Shikamaru did. It felt good and was a good distraction as he tried to navigate the reality of losing the one he was writing those pages about.

Naruto looked over one of the paragraphs, reading it over and over again, until his eyes went blurry from exhaustion.

I'm scared to be alone—I would think. But, aren't I alone right now with you?

I'm scared to be alone—I'd still think. I see you, yet I can't feel you.

I'm scared to be alone—Thinking plagues me. I've been this way all along. It's nothing new.

I'm scared to be alone—Fuck my thoughts. It's not like I feel anything anymore.

Being alone with you, being alone without you. Which is worse? I'll tell you when I know.

It's been nearly two months.

I realized I'm scared of being lonely.

He'd changed it so many times, it wasn't even making sense to him anymore. And so, he slammed his laptop down and took a deep breath, leaning his head back to look at the white ceiling above him. While writing felt good, he couldn't deny that his brain hurt. He hadn't slept all night. In fact, his sleeping schedule was thoroughly fucked up. He'd been so focused on writing and working with Hinata, that he didn't need sleep. Or so he thought.

As he saw the light trickle in through the living room windows blinds, he started to change his mind though. He was fucking tired. It all came crashing down on him too. He grabbed the cup of coffee on the side table next to him, taking a sip, but immediately spitting it out. It was ice cold. He, truthfully, wanted to shut his eyes and nap, but he was opening the store early that day to meet with Hinata. She'd called him the night prior and said she had some news she wanted to share with him in person. Naruto felt his heart race slightly as he guessed what news she could have. He'd casually racked his brain all night with thoughts (in and out of writing, of course). Hinata sounded happy to him, so he could only hope that whatever the news was, he'd match her happiness.

And so, he swung his legs off of the couch and stared straight ahead. He needed to get a move on. However, something stung him. Something directly in his line of vision: a small pile of boxes clumped in the corner of Shikamaru's living room. Naruto sighed.

After his stint with Sasuke nearing over a month ago, Naruto was told to return to their once shared apartment and pick up his belongings while the man was in Tokyo. It was the most painful experience he'd ever had. He ended up taking seven hours to clear out his stuff. Not because it took him a long time to pack it all, but because he felt fear... and sadness of leaving Sasuke again. It was devastating walking out the first time, heartbreaking walking out the second time, and... This third time? He felt completely shattered and lonely. He felt ashamed, humiliated, depressed... All over again. It had taken him a while to even gather up the courage to go back and pack things in the first place. Part of his mind reasoned that he should just leave everything there. He knew that would bother Sasuke though... He didn't want to be any more of a burden to the man.