"Tahiti Never Mattered"
Jefferson Alphonso
1
I watched from the bar, while drinking heavily and scarfing down appetisers. The Bride had stormed off down the pier. Her dress was dragging along the ground, it snagged on a nail and torn heavily. She continued towards town, the Groom in pursuit, frantically yelling behind her. Many of the attendants hadn't noticed the departure of these two key people. A few of the bridesmaids approached me in a panic, "Marcus, what's going on?" I stared down at my drink, "I knew they had rushed into things." I stood up from the bar. "I'll go talk some sense into her." I assured them. I made my way out of the hall. I caught up to the Groom who was leaned up against a street lamp with his head in his hands. "Hey, Champ, tough break." I said in the least mocking manner I could. He parted his hands from his face."This is not the time for that shit" he hissed at me. "She's gone, lost sight of her in this fog." I could not shake the mockery from my voice. "Perhaps you should enlist the help of that" I pointed towards the lighthouse in the distance. "Maybe she became a Sailor, nothing like a life at sea." He was not having any of this. "Please enough with the jokes, Mark, you've got to help me find her." He pleaded. A fair enough request I thought, he had been my friend since childhood. I suppose I owe him this much. "Okay, you take the left side of town I'll take the right" we split up and began searching. Visibility was minimal, so I began calling out her name like she was some kind of lost puppy. "Don't make me get the net!" I warned the night air. I was not the best choice for a search party. I leaned against a wall in a dank alley and sipped from my flask, being a hero was hard work. "Hey don't hog it all" I heard a familiar voice call from the darkness, the elusive Bride. She was chain-smoking and biting her nails. I handed her the flask "How's the sea life treating you, Sailor?" She looked at me very puzzled, "You and your jokes." she said, before taking a swig. "So what's the game plan here?" I lit my own cigarette and slumped against a wall. "Well I can't go back, this dress is ruined." I examined the dress, it was indeed totalled. "So what are you gonna do?" I was getting antsy, or rather, bored. Anything would do. "Maybe go to Tahiti, have some me-time, think about things." She exclaimed, looking pleased. "Tahiti? Wait a second, your Honeymoon is in Tahiti." I said, now slightly more interested. "I'm aware, I'd love to go there, go there without him." She took another long drink. The Honeymoon was all paid for, he would be too much of a wreck to cancel it. What a fiendish act, I took a swig from the flask, "Hmm, perhaps it is a good idea." I handed her some money that I was going to use for a belated wedding gift. "Well, good luck with that." I said, shambling off into the night, making my way back to the hall. When I returned I found the Groom seating at the bar, I sat beside him and ordered more gin. "No sign of her." I said, acting glum. "Oh god, what am I gonna do?" He whined. I leaned in close to him, and whispered in his ear "Cancel the Honeymoon, trust me." I patted him on the shoulder, finished my drink, and left that mess behind.
2
I arrived home around dawn, the front door was locked, much to my annoyance. I went to knock but hesitated, and thought about how idiotic it was to do so. I went to the side window and peered inside, my girlfriend was washing the dishes. I stood there blank-faced hoping she would notice some strange man staring at her through the window. This was to no avail, I opened the window, and began throwing olive pits in her general direction. Finally after being pelted with one, she raised her head and looked at me like I was the stupidest man alive. "Good morning, Mary, why are you giving me that face?" I signed, she had this smug smile on her face "Text me next time, dummy." She signed back. "Oh yeah, great idea, I'll keep that in mind, could you let me in please?" It had been an exhausting night, with way too much small talk. I probably shouldn't have bothered going. Mary was dying to know about the wedding, she had been too swamped with work to attend. I was somewhat reluctant to tell her, she's the one who set them up, I'd hate to say I told you so. Still, something about seeing her expressions change in complete silence was oddly interesting. "Guess you were right about them." She signed. "I told you so." I signed back. Doing my best to contain my laughter. She thought my handling of the situation was interesting, leaving someone to rot in Tahiti usually is pretty interesting. "You know I'd never abandon you like that." She signed with a warm smile. I smiled back, nervously. Oh god, here we go, I thought. She's been dropping little hints like that ever since those two got engaged. I mean, I guess I'm not entirely against the idea, but it's a bit hassle. Maybe when I get that promotion, Weddings are probably expensive. I think we're ready for it. We'd been dating for a while, around three years. Met her on a blind date, wasn't expecting the deaf part though. She's just full of surprises, luckily I have many mostly useless hobbies, sign language included. She was pure bravado on our first meeting, although I felt like I should have been the one trying to impress her. It was just an evening of trying to one up each other, nothing wrong with friendly competition I suppose. So yeah, we play off one another very well. She's very articulate, she has such a way with hand motions, I didn't know half of them, she had to spell the words out for me. I had been in deep reminiscence for several minutes at this point. Mary began violently shaking me until I snapped of it, she knows just how to deal with me.
