7 Deadly Sins

Pride.

It was my boyfriend and I's 7 year anniversary and to say I was disappointed was an understatement. No presents, no flowers, no ring, no nothing. I would've thought after being with him for 7 years and devoting my life to him practically that I would've been proposed to. He's in the NFL, star quarterback and we moved across the map to pursue his career. I was in school to be an obstetrician and I took a year and a half off, per his request to be his support system. Fortunately after heavy convincing I was able to go back and graduate school. Being an obstetrician was always my dream, I love children. I've always wanted children of my own so delivering babies for a living is definitely the life for me. I drifted too far in my mind, back to tonight. My boyfriend and I are currently making love.. we were supposed to have dinner and then come back to the fancy hotel I paid for and decorated but he didn't show up to dinner and came to the hotel tipsy. Of course the argument led to him having his dick in me. He knows my body like no other, hell he should he's my first everything.

He had me bent on my side as he was close behind me, one hand around my throat and one hand in the crease of the back of my knee to hold my leg up as he stroked deeply into me. It felt so good, he always knew how to fuck me. "Fuck" he grunted into my ear as he pounded into me. "You like that shit baby?" I moaned to him. "You know I do." he said back as he began to suck on my neck as he slow stroked me, rotating his hips into me with each stroke. This feeling was so amazing, I felt my nut begin to pile up. "Baby I'm bouta cum!" I moaned as he grabbed my dick and began stroking it. "Cum for daddy." he said as he pounded me harder. "FUCK!" I moaned as cum shot all up to my face, all over the sheets. "Damn nigga, fuck!" He groaned as he came all inside me, I could feel my walls flooded with his nut. It made me feel like home, if only I were able to actually have his babies. I turned around to face him as I kissed him. He kissed me back and I laid my hand on his chest. I looked up into his eyes and just felt like I seen my future. "I love you." I said. From that moment, whatever he felt drained from his eyes and he backed away from me. "You know how I feel about that." He said laying on his back. "Feel about what Travis?" I said. "It's been seven years, I love you, with all of my heart. I KNOW you love me. Why won't you ever say it back?" I exclaimed. "How do you know that? Don't tell me how I feel." He said looking into my eyes. "What do you mean how do I know that? If I didn't think you loved me I wouldn't have quit school for you. I wouldn't have moved across the damn country for you! What happened to all of the "you're mine" and "I want you by my side forever" Travis? What happened to that?" I said on the verge of tears. "You are mine and I do want you by my side." He said. "So why won't you express it? I give you all of me on a silver platter, I devote my whole life, being to you. Tell me you love me! That you're in love with me!" I exclaimed. "BECAUSE I'M NOT!" He yelled jumping out of the bed. And at that moment my heart broke another crack in it. This obviously isn't the first time either. His pride. His pride is so big that it overshadows his love for me, he just doesn't wanna show it. I know he loves me.. I don't know how much I can take. 7 years man, 7 fucking years. The tears fell as I collapsed onto the bed. "Clean yourself up." He said as he threw a wet rag on the very sheets my pain had consumed.

I was humming to Jhene Aiko as I was checking my schedule for patients today. I had a patient coming in soon actually. Before I could change the song that was softly playing in the background there was a knock on my door. "Come in." I said switching the song off. "Hey Lou, here's your 2 o'clock patient, her name is Amber." My colleague said as she handed me a clipboard with all of her information in it. "Thanks Imani." I replied as she nodded and spoke to Amber. "This is Dr.Louie and he's gunna take perfect care of you okay?" She said. "Okay thank you." Amber replied a little nervously as she walked in the room. "Hi Amber, how're you today my love?" I smiled. "I'm doing alright, just nervous.. this is my first appointment and I didn't wanna come alone but.. here I am." She said nervously laughing. "It's okay honey it'll be alright I promise, like she said I'm gunna take perfect care of you okay?" I said rubbing her shoulder. She smiled and nodded genuinely. As I followed my procedures she opened up to me about a lot. I couldn't tell if it was a baby visit or a therapy one.. but she was super sweet and so funny, I found out that we're actually the same age. I was performing an ultrasound scan as we were listening to her baby's heartbeat. She started tearing up and confirmed it was happy tears. "Ugh I'm just so happy, my boyfriend and I have been trying so hard to have a baby and it's finally happened." She said wiping her tears. "I'm so happy for you my love, for you and your boyfriend. Babies are such a blessing." I said to her. "You're absolutely right, my boyfriend's in the NFL and he's at practice right now which is why he isn't here but otherwise he'd of been right next to me. He's so excited!" She exclaimed. "Oh really? That's so nice! What team does he play for?" I asked genuinely happy for her. She got an NFL player she's set! "Yes of course!" She said taking out her phone, she pulled up a picture to show me. "He's on the LA Wildcats, he's the star quarterback his name is Travis Williams." Once the last word came out of her mouth it felt like all the blood had drained out of my body. That's MY boyfriend. MINE. The audacity, but this is my profession, I had to remain professional and keep it cool. She showed me some more pictures of them and the more she showed me the more sorrow I felt. I finished up with a smile and walked her out and let her know that I'd be looking forward to the next visit. I kept it candid because obviously she had no idea about me, none and it can stay that way. How could he do this to me?

As soon as I got home I began packing all my shit. As more time went by I just became more and more disgusted. I cried all the way home I'm surprised I got here in one piece. Thank God he wasn't here because if he was it'd have been some problems. I heard the door open and close as I heard feet shuffling up the stairs. I spoke too soon. Fortunately for me, I had all my clothes and shoes and personal belongings already packed in my jeep. I was just packing my last minute bathroom stuff and all of my toiletries. As I zipped my bag I left the bathroom and was making my way out of the room and down the stairs. I immediately seen him on my way out and I couldn't even fathom to look at him. "Why is all of your stuff packed in your car, where are you going?" He said as I walked right past him. I ignored him, just keep going Lou. "Baby what's going on? Please tell me." He said starting to follow me. I ignored him again. I was walking down the stairs where pictures of us lined the wall, pictures from years ago, some recent. I couldn't even look at them. He zoomed past me and in the front of me and stopped me in my tracks. "WHAT'S going on? Where are you going baby please!?" He pleaded grabbing my arms. I unlocked my phone and pulled up the picture with Amber's sonogram and showed it to him. All of the blood drained from his face and you could see pure horror in it. He made eye contact with me and that was the first time I looked him in his eyes today. My heart cracked again but this time it shattered. Tears fell down my eyes as I pushed past him down the rest of the stairs. "Baby I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry this wasn't supposed to happen!" He pleaded. "You know how much I love children.. delivering them and seeing them makes my entire life. You told me you didn't want kids so working there was enough for me. Now you're about to have a child that isn't mine with some girl I met today. You disgust me and I NEVER wanna see you again." "NO baby no please don't leave me! I told you I'm sorry! Fuck baby I LOVE YOU!" Rage filled my entire being and I used all of my might to punch him dead in his eye. I did a good job being that he was every bit of 6'4 to my staggering 5'5. "Fuck you. DISrespectfully. You don't love me and you never did remember?" I yelled, every vein in my head on full display. I went out the door, threw my shit in the car and drove off leaving everything I once knew and loved behind.

I've loved that man to the moon and back, stayed a secret for about 2 years because he was on the down-low, took all of his family's crap and disrespect when he finally told his family, took all of my family's disappointment when they told me he'd never be the man for me, moved away from my family thousands of miles away, laid back off school for some time to be there for him throughout his career but this? This is what broke the camels back. I always knew he loved me until today. He let his pride grow fonder than the love I thought he had for me but that doesn't concern me anymore. This shit hurts like hell but I'm getting back to me. I thought his pride was the very thing that stood between him and I but it wasn't his pride, it was him.