The Best Untold Story (DewBest)

If Only

Dew_anw

Arriving at Chiang Mai the next day right after the graduation felt like I'm still dreaming. I still can't believe I am now miles away from the life I had in Bangkok, away from my high school, away from my friends, away from Best.

I wasn't able to sleep well last night after lamenting over my unsaid feelings for someone I hold dearly this past few months. After posting a story on my Instagram I customized to make sure it will be seen by this perso, I spend the rest of the night looking at that small circle at the bottom left of the screen that was Best's profile photo. He had viewed it within a few minutes after I posted the said story. It was a simple note I added beside the basketball he drew at the bottom of his notebook/diary I had kept with me ever since he dropped it that one eventful morning he bumped into me at the staircase.

Though I was sure that Best have seen and understand the meaning behind the note I posted, he never made an effort to reply pr send me some message after that. Somehow, the thought of him blushing while reading it made me smile a little. I had seen him getting shy infront of me countless of times and it's one of his expressions that made my heart flutter so much. I have never thought of finding a guy as adorable as Best.

If only I was brave enough to embrace this feeling I felt for him when we still have time to be together, will it be any better for the both of us?

Ever since I've read his diary, I was battling against myself trying to control my own emotions. I became more aware of his presence to the point that I secretly watched over him from afar.

I find it weird at first when my heart started beating so fast that day he fainted and I carried him on my back. That dazed smile he gave out at me before fainting stirred something inside making me get addicted with that smile. I tried to shake away that whole new sensation that I don't know what was called. It never really veers too far in any direction and falls back to a cliche called by adults as 'puppy love'. A crush to make it sound less cringey. But it only deepened when I get to know more of Best.

At first I thought he was just trying to be more friendly with me and my friends. But after reading his diary, it all became clearer the meaning of the way he looks at me with those beautiful and soulful eyes of his. I had become so addicted reading his thoughts about me that I decided to keep his diary to myself.

Soon enough, I find myself doing the same things he did and had written in that yellow notebook. I watched him in the library while he listens to a music in his walkman while closing his eyes unaware that someone was smiling over him. Every time me and my friends passed by his classroom, I would simply make myself look for the sight of him chatting with Bright and Ray. I love how he smiles and laughs with his two best friends. I can only wish he can be that outgoing and expressive in front of me.

But I can't blame him for being so shy every time we face each other. I am no better compared to him. I sometimes even stutter when I talked to him. My words get caught inside my throat when he starts making eye contact with me. How can I not feel all this when the organ inside of my chest kept on hammering so loud in front of Best?

I wasn't even sure if what I'm doing isn't called stalking anymore. I get obsessed with the thought of him writing a song for me. A part of it was written in his notebook, while another was also found by me crumbled in a piece of paper lying on the floor in the section of the library where I saw Best earlier that day lurking behind some books while trying to get a good look at me. I'm not sure why I was so confident to tell that the lyrics were directed to me even if I found it first before Best's diary.

So I have followed him around secretly as he carried his guitar with him to play a song or two on the bleachers of the tennis court. I kept my distance as I listened to him singing the song he have written mainly for me. I was grinning like an idiot absorbing the elation I got from hearing his beautiful voice. Anybody who would see me doing that would surely think I am a creep.

I was also enjoying that moment when he came to me and let me teach him some basketball moves. I know about the scheme he and his friends made just to arrange that moment for both of us to be closer to each other. And I didn't even complain when Dave and Tar scrammed away immediately leaving us there all alone by ourselves.

It was his adorable way of flirting and I was just too happy to indulged myself into that rare moment. Teaching him to play ball was just an excused for us to touch each other. I can almost hear his heart thumping inside his chest so loud when I hugged him from the back. If only I have chosen to tell him how I was overjoyed spending that time alone with him.

When Dave and Tar expressed their need for a vocalist/guitarist in their band, I found myself recommending Best. Though I was hesitant at first because I grew more weary from thinking that he'd show this adorable side of him to somebody else, I thought it was the best way for him to boost his potentials. I know he's the best choice for my friend's band.

When it finally happened, again I found myself secretly watching over him practice with Dave and Tar. Everyday I was there standing right outside of the music club listening to him play the guitar and singing. When Dave boasted about him, I almost tell him on his face how I recommended Best myself. And I was not happy at first when my two friends suggested to use Best's own song composition to play during the school fare. I was unaware as to how selfish I become when it comes to him. I wanted the song he composed to be sang for me alone. It was intended for me after all, why does he have to let other people hear it?

I don't know when this feeling of mine started getting obvious that even Fern began noticing it. Was it the way I looked at Best? Did she caught me taking snaps of Best in my mirrorless camera? I have a handful images of Best stored in my camera. I can't help myself taking pictures of Best's different moods. Did I really become that noticeable?

It was evident that Fern is the one who tipped my mom about Best's sexual preference. I know it right away when mom acted all stern after I had invited Best to dine with us. But I denied it in myself thinking Fern was too good to do something so despicable. I can't bring myself to hate the girl. She was a dear friend of mine after all. I just can't blame her for everything knowing too well that it was my own cowardly attitude that brought about this conflict. I can't go against my mom's wishes.

Like Best had said in his diary, it wasn't easy falling for another guy. Why do I have to feel this way? Why can't I feel the same way towards Fern instead? Everything would be a lot more plausible and easier for me. Eventually, I fell hard for Best. And the outcome hurts me so bad. So I let it all go. I contended myself from just watching him from a corner.

"I like..." was the only words I can write.

I wasn't even brave enough to finish writing the whole line to make it more sensible. But with the confession of his feelings for me written all over that page, I just wished that simple words I wrote had somehow made it clearer. I am aware that this love of ours will never flourish. At least not at this time, not at this age.  If one day we meet again and had become more mature and braver, maybe we can do something about 'us'. Only if this overwhelming emotions we feel for each other at the present never changes in the future.

If only I can fast track time and become an adult once and for all.

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📌some notes

* So here it is! I can't help it! I need to write something about DewBest. I can't get over with the ending. But I still can't think of a way to continue their story. So let me write about Dew's point of view first. I hope you guys like it.

*Don't worry I'm still writing LC. I think I only have a few chapters left. 😉