about me #2 my ass gets off topic nvm i just ended up ranting about my brother

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by What_Ya_Want

by What_Ya_Want

yooo so part two i guess also i have fakee nails on so its hard to type.. so there is gonhna be alot of errors that i'm gonna be tp lazy to fix...

i really don't know how to start this but my mom gave me a hour lecture on what i wear when we went school shopping today..she said that "what you wear is what you attract and what you wear isn't that expressive and outgoing," she said other things but that is what i remember word for word.. but she implied that i'm gonna be friends with the "bad kids" lmao little does she know i already am a "bad kid" like what i wear is skater grunge.. i have good style but it genuinely ends up being skater grunge, emo . and apparently that is scary and people won't want to be friends with me even though like everyone is trying to get the style that i have and or is more hard core with it then i am.. then she proceeds to explain everything to the cashier and then ends up telling jokes to try to get me not upset? idk but im pretty sure she knew i was annoyed but that didn't stop her from talking about how people won't know me and that i need to make a good impression.. and what i wear makes a big impression but she's "totally" fine with what i wear.. even though she scolded me on it for an hour at tj max and ross.. btw cake ville has shitty clothing stores. and my moms cheap so she kept trying to make me like the shrts with the quotes on them cause there were a lot of them in the clearance rack,, not surprised... but she wants me to dress like a prep and be friends with them... like hun ive already tried it was the shittiest 3 months of my life.. and they all hated me anyways since i have a darker humor then them and i play more rough then them and the fact that we just don't get along.. yk

my friend says i have depression,.. she has had it like her whole life and is good with mental disorders but i don't think i have it.. or if i do i don't have it severely.. but im kinda getting why if i have it.. my days are starting to blur together and my friend lets call her rose noticed and texted me a whole paragraph which i needed to hear.. basically saying its ok not to be ok.. but its not... my mom would stop me from hanging out with friends cause she thinks its friends that are the problem though shes sometimes right with that... but most of the time thats not what i need..what i need is a damn therapist but alsp being by friends doesn't make it worse smh..

day blurring together as i mean i don't remember last week as days but as one day and the fact my friend that is out of town for like 3 weeks has texted every day for a week and i just barly repied and saw the times she has texxted that i didn't answer.. it was a week and i swear it was only a few days.. i didn't realize it was a week since i last replied.. i'm not okay and i know that but what i don't know is why i'm not okay..

i went to a pool the other day and my brother invited a friend so i asked if rose could come and my mom said sure.; she ccouoldn't so i asked if my friends lets call them caiden and eve.. their sisters and see if they could come.. my mom got mad and said

"yes but only them"

i said okay

and she repeated

"them and only them okay?"

i said "okay i know"
she replied

"ben gets so lonely.. so lonely."

and i said

" i talked to him a lot and i played mancala-"

"trust me i know,, i know he told me all about it"

my mom interupts..

like bitch what else do you want.. ben doesn't do shit he just sits on the couch and plays video games... he never once talks to me and then says hes lonely... my mom makes me play every game with him but when i ask him to play a game i like ben says no and mom just shrugs it off. ben never plays games i like and then says no to me after bugging me to play a game i told him multiple times that i don't like and i told him no many many times but then he gets mad at me when i ask more then twice..like bitch fuck you this is why no ones gonna want to be your friend because you assume everyone is just gonna do everything for you.. hes 14 and doesn't know how to spell bored,.. or school... hes 14 and doesn't know how to start a washer or dryer and my mom still picks out his clothes every morning.. HES 14......

my mom thinks i don't try to talk to ben but here is a legit conversation between us that i remember word for word...

"hey how are you" -me

"good"-him

"how was school"-me

"good"-him

"what you do?"-me

"learn"-him

"what did you learn?"-me

"stuff"-him

HOW THE FUCK DO I RESPOND TO "STUFF"

also he was playing on his video game and didn't look up at me once.. and hes so selfish its so annoying,.. he responds with nods and "ok" "hmmm" when i talk to him but gets upset if i don't pretend to be really excited when he rants to me.. and if hes upset my moms upset and mad at me and then i get a half an hour scolding session,. well not half an hour but like a good five to ten minutes

he was 13 when he started crying when i asked POLITELY for him to move the bar of soap off my side of the bathroom because he was the only one who uses it. i use the soap in the bottles which WAS ON MY SIDE

he started crying and i got in trouble because he couldn't possibly of start crying because i asked him to move a bar of soap..

yes he can.. because he did