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"I'm completely losing it," Josie groaned, face buried in her hands. "I mean, I've never even considered the possibility of it and I know that best friends who evolve into lovers are much better off, but it's me and Mark."
Lia next to her was swinging her feet off the edge of Josie's bed. "So what? You and Mark are made for each other! I don't see any reason why you two shouldn't try and see where it goes."
"He doesn't and would never feel the same way for me, let's start with that," Josie said. "Going from friends to dating only works when both are in love. But if it's one-sided, then bye-bye to the friendship."
"Okay, first of all, if both people are mature enough, you can stay friends. And secondly, how sure are you that Mark doesn't or won't have feelings for you?"
Josie looked at Lia seriously. "Dude, come on. He calls me dude."
"It might be a romantic type of dude!"
"Please, Mark goes around calling other girls 'babe'. Like, in the platonic way that girls won't find him creepy or excessive. Meanwhile, he'd come up to me calling me Jo or bro or dude, and then he'd punch me in the shoulder like I'm one of the guys on his basketball team."
Josie fell back on her bed. "How do I get rid of this?"
"Why so insistent on wanting to get rid of your feelings?" Lia smiled. "Being in love with your best friend can be a beautiful experience. Just let your heart run its course."
"If, and only if, those feelings are returned," Josie reminded her. "Otherwise, you'll be stuck in pain. I don't want to be in pain, so I need to stop it before it gets any worse."
Josie sighed, before adding, "Besides, this isn't just my friend that I've known for a while. It's Mark. He's my other half, my soulmate, whatever else cheesy shit you can think of. I can't imagine my life without him and I guess that's why I've never let feelings get in the way."
"Look, I'm only encouraging you because I can see that there's something between you and him beyond the friendship spectrum," Lia gently patted Josie's head. "But you have to make your own decisions. You can't force yourself to not like him. My advice is just let it happen. Maybe it's a one-time thing and it'll go away the second you find an ick about him, but if it doesn't and your feelings flourish instead, it's Mark. You know he's going to be there for you no matter what and you guys can work through it."
"I guess you're right."
"I am right."
So, Josie took Lia's advice and simply dealt with it. She kept her cool whenever her heart raced more because of Mark than because of running around the court; she stayed calm when their hands brushed; she pretended that it wasn't jealousy coursing through her veins each time Mark spoke to a girl that wasn't her.
Nothing was different between them, if she was being honest. It was all the same and that was probably because Mark had no idea of what he was doing to her. All the lingering touches, the fond gazes, the way she would be sent to high heavens each time he laughed; they were all unknown to Mark, but very much known to Josie.
The more Josie adapted to her feelings, the later it took her to realize that it had already been over a month since she came into terms with her crush on him. Crush, or love, she couldn't precisely decide yet. Especially when she wondered, had it been a month since she gained feelings for him, or had it been a month since she realized she had feelings for him?
She thought back to the time that she had a boyfriend in high school, only to dump him after three months because he didn't like girls who played sports (better than him), much less than girls who played sports with their attractive male best friend. That breakup was supposed to devastate her, but instead she had been relieved, since she'd rather be with Mark than be with a guy who couldn't handle her.
Josie wasn't so much as popular with boys, but she did had some flirting and talking stages here and there. None of them could bloom any further due to the boys' intimidation with Mark and Josie admitted, she had subconsciously set Mark as the benchmark. It wasn't just because Mark completely and wholeheartedly accepted her for who she was, but he served as the benchmark in terms of how Josie could feel about another person.
She'd seen the worst of Mark and no amount of icks could set her off. Her personality was shaped with some of his traits from how they grew up together and barely spent any time apart. Mark, who knew her inside out, that she knew from top to bottom too. Could she ever find someone else who'd fit her the way Mark does?
On her nth can of beer, her mind now clouded and hazy, Josie was far from sober as she stared at one of the pictures of Mark she had on her wall. It was the one and only picture that didn't have her in it. It was from one of their hangouts at a museum when Mark had a phase where he dyed his hair blue and Josie had taken the picture; he was the one who printed it out and hung it up for her, despite Josie's joking protests on how she didn't need to see his face any more than she already had to.
Clearing her scratchy throat with a cough, Josie unclipped the photo and grabbed her set of coloured markers. She uncapped the first pen with her teeth, using it to doodle hearts around Mark and blushes on his cheek. She added some more tiny, cute drawings, until she used the black marker to write I'm in love with him in sloppy handwriting across his chest.
Love. Crush or love—Josie then realized it was love.
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friendly reminder this is only a short story so.....we're already halfway done :]
