Songs of the Heart

Shattered Friendship

A song/poem about something that happened to me recently; I am not expecting anyone to care or even understand what is going on, so that's okay. I just feel like putting these words out there, might help me move on from a friendship now gone. For reference, I am Australian-Indian, and a friend walked away from me without a word, strangely after I made an birthday party where we watch an Indian movie. There's an strange thing I don't know if anyone else has experienced, or if it's a real thing, but anytime I talk about my Indian side, people go quiet. Food everyone loves. But the movies, fashion, politics, anything else about India or South Asia in general, and they go very quiet.

Most of my life, I was more Australian, because I didn't really understand my Indian half, and I had a number of friends in 2010-2016. Those friends were dropping out randomly after 2016, which is when I begun to understand and appreciate Indian culture, and all of South Asia. And one friend ghosted me, it feels really strange, as if she doesn't accept this part of me, and I am unsure. So here we go. Like. Comment. Don't. Do whatever the heck you want.

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For one moment in time, you were there.

A friendship that lasted ten years.

But suddenly, you disappeared like a ghost.

Unfriended me like I never mattered.

And now in the back of my mind, all I can wonder is.

Why did you abandon ship so much.

Without a single word.

All the paranoia thoughts in my head.

Was it a coincidence after I invited you to my birthday

To watch an Indian movie.

An nefarious thoughts of hidden lies and internal racism.

Were you truly ever my friend, or have you sat on a throne of lies for so long.

When I acted more Australian, you were my friend.

But I became more immersed in Indian culture. You disappeared.

I am half brown, half white. A biracial man.

How did our friendship mean so little to you, that you shattered my heart.

And sent me to a paranoia place. Am I wrong in my thoughts, or were you sitting on a throne of lies.

Only when I allowed myself to immerse in one half of my culture, you walked out.

Because why else would you leave without a word. You knew how I felt when friends abandoned me.

On my insecurities and fears.
We sat in the car talking all night along.

Over burgers in a fast food joint.

And yet, all of a sudden. You walked away.

Like I never mattered. Was it because I was no longer white enough for you?

So many people have seemingly tried to erase my Indian half.

And accepted me when I acted more Australian.

Am I just filled with paranoia, or were you filled with lies?

How did our friendship matter so little to you?

My mind won't stop wondering. I want to message you.

But my heart's afraid of the answer. And how can I trust the words you say.

Are the truth, or the lies you have weaved so well in a web.

I trusted everything you say, and now you shattered it.

Into shards of glass. You knew my worst fear was being alone.

Losing everyone and not knowing why.

You walked away, and now I don't know why.

Ten years gone, all those empty memories echoing in the chambers of my mind.

I'll heal, but how can I trust again.

When you walked away.