3 Years

"Lily."

There it is.

The name that still haunts me and reminds me of the woman my soon to be husband still loves. Here I am "sleeping" next to said man. I just put down my book for the night. I felt tears burn my eyes and an invisible hand squeeze my heart. His arm was draped over my middle and pulling me close to his chest. The feel of him was never bothersome or uncomfortable, but I can't help but think that he isn't holding me because it's mebut because he is dreaming that he is holding Lily most likely.

The years had started to fall and I don't have the energy to stop them. I felt him stir behind me and his hold on me tighten. I wish it was me that he knew he was holding.

"Lily," he murmured again.

This time I couldn't control the sob that escaped. Severus woke up startled by my sobbing I felt the weight of his arm leave my middle and as if by instinct I curled up into a ball and try to control my sobbing and falling tears. I tried and failed miserably the tears kept falling and the numbness that was protecting my already fragile heart disappeared and pain took its hold.

"Hermione?" I heard someone call, and a hand caress my face. I don't want move towards the voice but I felt myself unwillingly move towards it anyway, "Hermione?" the voice called again then I felt the owner of the voice wrap his arms around me. Realization hit me and I know who is holding me, Severus. I dared to spare a glance at him and was surprised to find his black eyes holding concern in them. But the concern in his eyes didn't ease the ever-growing pain in my chest. His arms tightened around me which only made cry harder

"Hermione? What's wrong? Are you in pain?" he asked worriedly. I wanted...needed...scratch both of those out, it's more like I wish he would love me back. But I know that that will never happen. The sobs had all but stopped and all hat is left of them are little hiccups and the continuation of the tears. His concerned gaze never left my teary one.

"Hermione is there anything wrong? Do you need anything?" be asked his voice full of concern. I wanted to say yes and tell him why. But if his friendship was all I would get then there is no way I will jeopardize that.

Yes, I'm finally admitting it. At least to myself…that I'm in love with Severus Snape.

I know that this sounds crazy but I can't help loving him. I love the how intelligent he is, how skilled he is as a potions master obviously, and I a really weird way I love his bastardly attitude. Don't ask me why I just do. I continued to gaze into his eyes bout stopped myself from looking for a kind of love that doesn't exist. Well, at least not when it pertains to me. I shook my head at his question.

"Are you sure?" He asked his brow furrowing with more concern if that was possible and a clear indication that he didn't take my word for it.

"I'm fine really. You don't need to worry too much about me Severus. It's just he cramps. My period must've come early," I said trying to calm him down.

"Are you sure you are alright?" he asked as he caressed my cheek.

Tears burned my eyes again at the realization that his care for me is only that of a friend's.

"I'll be right back," I said getting up and walking towards the bathroom.

I felt his gaze follow me until I closed the door. I crumbled to the floor, the pain was almost too much to bear. I curled into a ball an let an ear piercing scream out. I remember crying and that I was going to cry myself dry. As I stood from the floor Severus knocked on the door.

"Hermione, are you alright?" he asked.

The concern in his voice seemed to have grown and continued to grow if it was possible the longer I stayed in the bathroom. I gave myself a look over and to my surprise my period had arrived.