Oscillating the Ominous Sky

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Gray skies. Rumbling thunder. Cool breeze. 

The weather really knows how to explain myself better than I. 

The gloomy vibes that the gray skies gives makes it harder for me to act normal and pretend that everything is okay. Kasabay ng paggala ko ng tingin sa may kabilang side ng kalsada ay ang pag-ihip ng malamig na hangin kaya napayakap agad ako sa sarili ko. Bakit ko ba palaging nakakalimutan magdala ng jacket?

It's Saturday and I'd rather spent my day to somewhere peaceful. Nagsimula na akong maglakad papunta sa coffee shop na madalas kong tinatambayan. The ambiance are very different to where I came from. Agad kong ipinilig ang ulo ko. No negative thoughts, Talia. Give yourself a break.

"The usual, please, Mr. Kio." nakangisi kong saad.

" Right. But seriously Talia, when will you stop calling me that?" Kio replied and looked at me like he'll going to strangle me anytime soon.

" Ang pikon mo naman!" pang-aasar ko pa.

"Bahala ka dyan. I'll just do your order nang manahimik na yang kaluluwa mo." seryoso niya akong tinignan saglit at tumalikod para gawin na yung order ko.

Kio is one of my close friend. He's serious most of the time but kapag nasa mood siya, ang sarap niyang ibalibag sa kabilang kanto sa sobrang kulit. Anyways, he owns this coffee shop kaya napapadalas din talaga ako dito. Tambayan ko na nga yata talaga 'to, e. Hindi ko alam kung paano pero hanga din ako sa time management ng lalaking 'to. We're already busy at school because of school works tapos hassle talaga lalo na kasi graduating kami kaya madami kaming gawain. 

Binuksan ko ang laptop ko at tinignan muna ang mga social media accounts ko. Hindi naman ako pala-post pero I like keeping myself updated kasi that's how you can communicate with other people, diba? Seryoso akong nagchecheck ng mga messages nang inilipag ni Kio ang order ko na iced americano at blueberry cheesecake sa may gilid ng laptop ko. Nginitian ko na lang siya at ibinalik ang tingin ko sa screen.

"Go, spill the tea." mataman niyang sabi. Anong tea sinasabi nito? I think he recognized my confused face kaya dinugtungan niya agad ang sasabihin. "You don't bring any books and that's what you'll always do kapag may problema ka."

"You really know me so well, ha!" I said while laughing and Kio just showed his annoyed face. I know this look of him kaya I smiled slightly. "Don't mind me, K. I'm okay, see?" I even smiled pointed my face to assure him na okay ako. 

Kio sat beside me and held my shoulders, "You know what, Talia, I know that you don't want me or us to worry or what. But, don't be too hard on yourself, hmm?" he said while smiling. Ganun ba ako kahalata na hindi ako okay? I sighed and smiled at him a little and hug him quickly. Ginulo niya ang buhok ko at nagpaalam saglit para sa asikasuhin ang mga costumer.

I looked at the gray skies outside this glass walls. How can a cloud lift such heavy weight even though it's already changing itself? Why don't just the rain falls down so that the cloud will stay as pure as it really is? How come that the darkness that this gray skies and loud thunder can be this gloomy and comforting at the same time?

Little droplets of water started to fall down from the sky but instead of the skies to get clear, it became darker. The sound of the rain and thunders filled my ears. I stood up and leave my laptop and a note that I'm leaving to Kio's office while he's still busy. Lumabas na ako ng coffee shop at luminga sa dadaanan ko. I started to get wet pero wala na akong pakielam. I started walking to go to our house. The rain and rumbling thunder, as well as my footsteps is the only thing that is visible to my ears. This sounds are like music for me, that only I knew what is the meaning of the lyrics, pitch, harmony and whatever it may have. 

I wonder if I can still appreciate this music of mine, if every time the gloomy weather reminds me of what people thinks of me. How can I dance to the sounds of darkness if I can't even sing the thoughts that weighs?

Can I found myself dancing in the dark?

Or the dark itself will dance to lead me out?