adored you

eleven

in the morning after the sleepless night, she gets up and gets ready for school.

she knew she doesn't have more than a week to live, since now she has already bloomed flowers, coming out of her with thorns. the next stage would be that her entire lungs will be filled with flowers. and she already has trouble breathing, even inhaling and exhaling.

she makes her way to school and meets her friends. "any plans for the weekend?" flora asked.

luna shakes her head, slowly closing her eyes, feeling the burden of the entire universe on her shoulder, or maybe just her lungs.

the bell rung and everyone rushed to their classes, pushing everyone along the way. during the class, luna couldn't focus on what was happening in front of her, how could she, when she couldn't even breathe properly.

she continuously coughed and apologized till the teacher sent her to the doctor's room and she excused herself.

delilah was worried sick now. it was getting worse. she thought of contacting a doctor to get her hanahaki removed. maybe someone might help. it was a matter of life and death. luna was too young to die.

in the break time, luna came to their usual spot and found delilah and flora. how worried they were, was shown on their faces. they rushed to her as soon as they saw her coming. luna told them she was okay but delilah knew the truth was the other way around.

after school kai came running to her.

"are you okay luna?!" kai sounded concerned.

"yes i am." luna didn't even look up at him.

"are you sure?" he came closer, checking her temperature with his warm palms on her forehead. for a moment she closed her eyes to feel her universe but after all,

he was the reason she was dying and he was so unaware.

"stop it!" she removes his arm, almost hitting it with anger.

"everything alright?"

"no it's fucking not!"

kai's eyes widened.

"why do you fucking pretend to care kai?" tears would burst out any time now.

he was quiet for a moment, probably surprised by her behaviour. "luna, i don't pretend. you're my friend."

luna lets out a sarcastic laugh. "friend? kai not for once i ever considered you a friend."

"you were never a friend to me." she lets out a hint.

"but luna, we have been friends for years."

" you...you" she stops and thinks about what she wanted to say.

"y..you made me hate myself kai!"

"wha-" kai struggled understanding what she was saying.

"you used me to make yourself feel better about yourself! did you think i didn't know? after all this time?!"  luna was infuriated as if the mercury burst out of the thermometer.

kai couldn't believe how wrong she was yet deep inside he knew she couldn't be more right.

"if you think what you said is true, why did you act cool?" he hesitantly asked.

luna sighed, tired, she closed her eyes slowly. how can he be so blind?

"i adored you." her voice was brittle, about to break. she was almost crying.

"i hate myself, kai. i hate myself. not because you don't love me but because i can't not love you. "

"i cannot make you love me. an..an..and i know it's not your fault. how can i be angry with you for not feeling the same way."

"we are helpless when it comes to our hearts. we do not control who we fall in love with.  i don't blame you at all but..." she was sobbing now.

but it's so... so suffocating. i can't breathe." she stops to take a deep breathe even though it was killing her.

she knows kai probably thinks it's only a phrase 'suffocating.'  but he has no idea how literal she means.

"i wish i could unlove you." with that she turned around and hoped kai doesn't stops her or says anything at all.

she was about to walk away when she turns around and says her farewell to him. "you asked me why i acted cool all this time, it's because i hoped all this time for you to feel just a drop of the ocean i felt for you and drowned myself."  she smiles and runs away.

and kai didn't stop her, nor followed.

he was dumbfounded by all the tsunami waves that came to him.

he decided to talk to her on monday, clearing everything and apologizing for the misunderstanding.