Inner Demons

Before

"We have some sad news," my principal says over the intercom at the end of announcements. "Greer Liddell has... committed suicide over the weekend. Let us all have a moment of silence."

I hear people let out little gasps of shock and some of her friends' muffled weeping, as if they were crying into their hands. I just sit there, thinking of all the things I could have said to her: my best friend. She left me here, alone, without her bubbly spirit around.

I stand abruptly, not caring about the moment of silence. My chair falls back, making a loud clattering noise, and I walk out of the room, looking straight ahead the whole time. I lean against the lockers outside of my first period class.

I slowly slide to the floor with the lockers behind me. I'm still staring ahead, seeing only Greer's beautiful face. She always thought she was ugly, or that no one cared, or that she would never be like anyone else. But she was wrong; they all wanted to be her.

I let out a scream, not just to let out a single emotion, but all of them; frustration, regret, anger, sadness, fear.

I'm devastated but not a single tear falls.

I dig my nails into my palms, not feeling any pain but apparently pressing hard because I feel a warm liquid in my hands. Blood.

"Why did you leave me Greer? Why?" I ask, looking up at the ceiling, my head hitting against the lockers behind me. "You didn't leave just me, you left everyone. They all loved you. They were jerks because they were jealous. They didn't understand."

I burry my head in my hands, now covered by her sweatshirt I took from her Saturday; two days ago. It still smells like her; floral smelling soap and perfume.

And, finally, the tears come. A slow stream at first that turns into a sob that echoes down the halls.

"I loved you, Greer. You were the only one I had left. You're the only one that cared about me...."

Then I hear the principal's voice again. I slowly look up. He's standing in front of me.

"Did you hear me, Hailey?" he asks.

"No. And I don't care." I burry my head in my hands again.

"I said, Greer wanted you to have this." My head shoots up at the mention of Greer and I see he has a note in hand. I snatch it away and read it. Quietly and unconsciously reading it aloud.

"'Dear Haley, I love you. You are the best friend anyone could ask for. You're the one that kept me alive for so long. I just couldn't take it anymore. You are going to be the last thought in my mind.

'You're strong. You can make it without me. Please just remember me as happy, not as dead. Goodbye.'"

A fresh stream of tears come.

"She does this to annoy me," I say out loud, embarrassing myself in the process.

"What?" asks Mr. Wallace, the principal. I look up fast. I thought he had left already.

"She spelled my name wrong. She did it to annoy me all the time." I point at the misspelling.

"You'll get through it," he says, startling me.

"How do you know?" I ask bitterly.

"I got through something like this. I know you can too. It hurts-- oh, God, does it hurt --but I am certain that you're strong enough," he says. His eyes are gleaming... with tears?

I look down at the crinkled piece of notebook paper and see the blood from my palms spreading across the edge of
the paper. I feel the urge to crumple it but, instead, I neatly fold it and put it in my pocket.

I look up again and see Mr. Wallace watching me intently. I feel a tear rolls from my eye and wipe it away before it can fall down my cheek.

"Now, come on," he says, offering a hand.

"You expect me to want to go back to class?" I exclaim, my voice echoing through the halls, the tone of pure hate ringing clear.

"No. You wouldn't have a heart if you wanted to go back to class. I wouldn't have a heart if I expected you to," he explains. "You can go home, to her house, or maybe important places you two have gone. Just... go remember her."

I nod and grab his hand. He pulls me up from the ground. He doesn't seem to care about the blood.

"Are you really going to let me leave? You are the principal."

"Yes. I'll tell your teacher you got sick and had to leave. Now, go on. Shoo."

"Thank you," I say, a fresh wave of tears threatening to spill down my cheeks again.

A small, sad smile spreads across his face. "Just remember," he says, "you'll get through it."

I nod and run to the closest set of doors. I hear him sigh and walk away, his shoes clicking on the floor as he leaves the hallway.

When I reach the doors, I throw them open. The brisk, winter wind cools my tear stained face. I don't even care about the below freezing temperature and the falling snow. I just sprint to my truck, tears silently slipping down my cheeks. All I can think is that I'll never truley be happy again.