For you

Out

2 weeks since the incident happened

I've been in my room the whole time

I also I haven't showered in two weeks
I feel disgusting I still have marks on my legs and arms
But there barely visible

I've also been throwing up every morning and I'm always hungry

But I just can't bring myself to leave my room
My friends have been by everyday to try and talk to me but I just wasn't ready.

Sammys been sleeping on the floor beside my door for the past week and I just feel so bad.

I don't blame any of them of course, but I can't help but wonder where were they when it happened

As much as I don't want to, I am still an influencer

My manager gave me two weeks of without any questions but it is time for me to get back into doing what I do best

Or at least posting drafts until I feel myself again?

Which feels like never..

I decide to post a old photo on Instagram first so my fans know I'm alive at least

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@rachieeeee: hiii <3

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I also decide it was time for me to get out of the house

It's too late to buss the gay who raped me
and I can't just sit around all day and feel sorry for myself

I take a shower

grab a striped shirt
Blue jeans
and my air jordans

and put them on

I fix my hair and makeup and leave my room

Walking downstairs I notice sam sitting on the couch with  JC, Oscar, and wyl

They all look over at me
Hearing my footsteps

"OMG Rachel" she runs over to me and wraps me in a hug

"umm hi guys" I pry her off of me

"we've been worried about you, you isolated yourself for 2 weeks," she says worriedly

"I gotta go" I breathe out

Grabbing my key and walking out the door

"What the hell Rachael I've been worried about you for weeks, Im just trying to help" walks out behind me

"I don't need your fucking help Sam" I turn back around

"Can you please tell me what's going on" she shouts

"I was raped" I yell back at her

The rest of the guys now outside hearing everything

"what" she replies lowly

"That night at the party when I came home late, it was because I was raped and then dropped off naked on the side of the road" I continue to yell

"im so sorry" she cries out

I get in my jeep and drive away

Wiping my stray tears

I thought I was fine but now that I've actually told someone I just feel way worse then before

I go to the recording studio to work on my new song

It's supposed to be released tonight at 12am and there are some things that I need to fix in it first

Being locked away in my room has given me to to figure out the song so now all I need to do is apply it to the track and it's finished

That was my promise to grace my manager"I would finish the song on my break"and I did

I finish up in the studio around 7pm

and decide not go home

I go this fancy hotel me and sam stayed at when when we first came to LA
I buy a bottle of champagne at the hotel store and go to my room

The room was beautiful
I also bought some pajamas on my way over to the hotel and I'm just gonna go home when I wake up

Releasing this new song makes me feel happier then I've been in a while since everything happend.