Beneath the Surface

Rudderless in the storm

It didn't take long for Sarah to make good on her threats of keeping me in line. From the moment I woke up on my first day as prisoner, she was there, watching me like a hawk, eyes glittering with malice. I knew she was waiting for me to do or say something that would give her an excuse to have even my most basic needs of food, sleep and clean clothes taken away, so I made a silent vow to never give her the opportunity. 

I think Sarah was a bit disappointed when I didn't rise to her obvious bait. "Did you sleep well, freak?" she said, a slight edge to her tone that shouted louder than words how annoyed she was. 

"I did, Beta," I replied meekly. 

Sarah snorted as she stalked over to my bed and ripped the covers off. "You're pathetic," she said, staring at my body in open disgust. "God, look at you. Who the hell would even want to be around someone like you?" She grunted and turned away. "Get up," she said over her shoulder. 

I did as I was told, shivering as the cold air hit me. "Strip," Sarah ordered, and though I went bright red from anger and humiliation, I did so, feeling like a lab rat as Sarah circled me, grunting as she inspected me. "I can't stand the sight of you," she said, coming to stand before me, and I shivered again, this time from fear. "Oh, stop cowering," she added, glaring at me. "I'm not going to fall for that 'poor me' act you've got going on, so stop it, or I'll give you a real reason to be afraid."

I took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. I knew better than to open my mouth and apologise, and after several moments, I felt as if I had better control of myself. Sarah shook her head. "Get in the shower," she ordered. "And don't use up all my hot water, or so help me God, I'll make you use cold water tomorrow morning."

She sounded like she meant it; I scurried into the bathroom, going cold again as I saw the curtain had been removed, giving Sarah full view of my body as I stepped under the hot water. I tried to ignore her hateful eyes on me as I washed myself, but it was hard, and when I stepped out of the shower, I felt as if I was about ready to sink into the ground. Sarah, however, seemed to relish the discomfort she was causing me, and that gave me the strength I needed to calm myself once more. "You're so pathetic," she said, shaking her head. "God, there never was anyone on this earth as pathetic as you. I ought to make you go naked today when you apologise to the pack for lying to them, but Father seems to think you deserve clean clothes and the chance to have some dignity." She held up a towel. "You don't deserve that, by the way," she added. "But if you ask me very nicely, I'll let you dry yourself. I'll even make sure you have clean underwear."

I took a deep breath. "May I please have the towel, Beta?" I asked.

Sarah studied me for a long time, before tossing it at my feet, where it promptly got wet. "There you go, freak," she said, smirking. I refused to rise to the bait, however, and dried myself with the few miraculously dry patches I found. Once I was done, Sarah snatched the towel off me before ordering me to stay where I was. I waited, trembling, and when she came back with my clothes, I knew she was going to try the same stunt as she'd done with the towel.

But as I braced myself for the prospect of spending the day in cold, damp clothes, Sarah sighed. "I wish I could make you suffer the way I want you to," she said regretfully. "But Father won't have it. I don't know why." She then gave me the most displeased, hateful look I had ever seen from her. "When I'm Alpha, you will suffer then," she warned. "I can promise you that. You won't be able to hide behind his protection forever." With a grunt, she threw my clothes on the bedroom floor, and I waited for her impatient nod before hurrying out and dressing as fast as I could. Once I was done, Sarah told me to sit on the floor. "Your food will be brought up to you," she said, "but don't get too eager. You'll only eat when everyone else has eaten, and you know how much of an appetite I have." She gave me one last smug smirk before leaving, closing the door behind her, and I sighed as I let my head fall against the wall. I had a nasty feeling that Sarah was going to circumvent as much of Alpha Ben's directions as possible, and with no one in my corner, I was going to have to put up with it.

Still, as I sat there, I reminded myself that, sooner or later, she was going to slip up. Sooner or later, someone either here in the packhouse or at school would have to notice if I became thinner from purposeful starvation. But that hope died as I realised Sarah would never let me talk to any of the adults here at the packhouse, let alone giving them a chance to see me. And as for school, I suspected no adult there would dare to report Alpha Ben for neglect. 

I sighed again. It seemed that every hope I had was destined to be crushed to dust before it drew its first breath. But I held on to all those hopeless hopes anyway. It was the one thing keeping me from sliding into despair. And sometimes, when you were rudderless in a storm, anything was better to hold onto than nothing at all.