finding my way through you

Chapter Two

"Wake up, bitch boy." I pulled the top sheet off of him, fully knowing he was naked underneath.

"Babe? There you are." He started to roll over from his stomach but saw Z lounging by the door frame and stopped, grabbing a pillow to cover his bare ass.

I opened the blind before yanking the pillow from his hands. "Get the fuck out, Jamie. Right now."

"Baby. What's going on?"

That word. I balled my hands into a fist.

"Do you mind leaving so my girlfriend and I can discuss this privately?" Jamie grit his teeth and looked back at Z.

"No, I think I'll stay right here."

"Mila. Come on."

"Get out."

"Please. What did I do?!"

"Get. Out." I hissed at him, tears threatening to spill over as I looked away.

I could not stand to look at his face. Not only because I was disgusted by his actions, because I would forgive him in a heartbeat. That's how much I loved him. I looked desperately at Z, begging him to read my mind.

"Time to leave, buddy." Z walked over and grabbed Jamie's arm, leading him out as he scrambled to find some shorts to wear.

"What about my stuff!" Jamie shouted at me from downstairs.

Silence.

His stuff?!

I approached him with fire in my eyes, "As far as you're concerned, I bought everything you own. It's my stuff. My apartment. My life. We're over." I shoved his lanyard towards him and turned my back to him, walking away from the past five years of my life and my worst betrayal I've ever felt.

Z locked the door behind Jamie and followed me upstairs to find me sobbing hysterically in my bathroom. He sat with me for hours as I let everything out.

•

The rest of the week consisted of me living at Z's place. He was gone most of the day. He worked at an architects office as an assistant until he could find a more permanent position. I think secretly he wanted to move away from LA. I think he wanted to go to another big city, maybe Seattle. Even if he did want to go, he wouldn't tell me now while I was freshly heartbroken. He'd wait a few weeks at least. He was nice like that.

I had other friends besides Z, but they understood my need to be alone right now. They invited me over for brunch and dinner and clubbing but I refused. I just needed to wallow for a week. Or month.

Z had run into Emilee at the grocery store. He had told her that I was staying at his place since my apartment reeked of Jamie. They had planned to do something for Friday night but I wasn't sure I wanted to go. I'd worry about it later, it was still Sunday.

Later that evening the TV was playing in the background as Z sat a few feet away from me, munching on what had to be his fifth pizza slice.

8:25pm

Emilee: 'Heard you're crashing at Z's. Just wondering who the big spoon is when it's cuddle time. LMAO.'

I heard a stifled laugh from my left and looked over to see Z covering his mouth.

"I did not see anything!" He announced holding his hands up in surrender.

"Yea, right," I shook my head at him with a smile and texted Emilee back.

8:26pm
                            'What makes you think we don't         
                         switch halfway through the night?'

'KNEW IT!'
   
                      'Ha ha. He's just being kind and       
                       letting me crash on his couch until I  
                     can find the will to head back home.'

'I'm sorry about what
happened. You don't deserve
none of that shit.'

'It's okay. I'll be okay.'

•

Was I trying to convince her or myself?

I shut my phone off after receiving a plethora of emoji hearts and looked at Z. Shadows danced across his face as the light from the television show changed. My friends were so convinced that we would end up together, but I can't imagine dating my best friend. I wouldn't risk our friendship for some dick. Plus, I'm pretty sure his preference ratio put men over women.

He saw me staring at the ground and frowned, reaching his arm around my shoulder and pulling me towards him. I wasn't small, but I still comfortably nestled under his arm. He brought his lips to the top of my head and kissed my hair gently. That gesture alone was enough to send me spiraling into a sobbing mess. It wasn't getting any easier knowing that the person that broke my heart in tiny little pieces was the only one I wanted to pick those same pieces up.

The next few days consisted of me sleeping, crying, sleeping some more, and eating raw cookie dough. Z finally forced me to shower and go with him to the store.

"To buy ingredients for pasta night." He insisted.

•

We bought plenty of groceries but I soon realized upon a "missed exit" that we weren't going to his house but my apartment.

"Z!" I screeched.

"Don't you dare Z me," He retorted and pulled into my parking structure, "It's almost been a week. It's time to cleanse him from your home and life forever."

"Did you know he hasn't texted me?" I said quietly as he put the car in park. I was hurt that he wasn't on his knees begging for my forgiveness.

"That's 'cause I blocked his ass from your phone. He's been blowing up my inbox though."

I looked at him and pursed my lips, nodding before grabbing some grocery bags and heading inside.

"Atta girl," I heard Z shout after me before coming in as well.

•

That night I started stripping the sheets off my bed and pillows. I hurled everything that needed to be washed or burned in a corner and did the same with his clothes. The sooner I could get rid of his things, the sooner I could move forward and forget this mess ever happened.

I was tempted to break his PS5 and send him pictures of it, but withheld when Z told me how much I could resell it for. I put all the items in a box that I would eventually sell or give away, then shoved all his clothes and shoes in garbage bags. My hands felt icky after touching his things, but I knew I'd feel better once it was gone from my home.

We ordered Chinese food for dinner despite having bags and bags of groceries and I thanked Z endlessly for letting me stay with him. He playfully pinched my side and told me to listen next time he called out the red flags.

When he went home I locked my door and closed my blinds. I looked around at my apartment that looked cleaner without his shit lying around everywhere.

Exhaling a small breath I collected the trash bags that was scattered in different points in my apartment and piled it all in front of my door to deal with later. I crawled into my sheet-less bed and closed my eyes. It was my first time sleeping in my bed alone in several years. I stared at the ceiling for what felt like hours until I succumbed to sleep.