I woke up, my head pounding and my eyesight fuzzy, an intense pain searing through my chest as I took a breath. All I could see were the bright white lights above me and I started to panic, instantly trying to sit up until I felt a hand on my shoulder pressing me back to the bed.
"You shouldn't sit, Santana." I heard Susan's voice, completely monotone but laced with disappointment. That's when I remembered where I was. I reached for my chest, wanting to know if I could feel the difference.
"Don't touch them! I don't want you to get an infection." Susan instructed again, it felt horrible that Brittany's mom was here instead of my own mother, I didn't quite know what to make if it. My dad was my emergency contact but I can't imagine that he'd be here to pick me up, he must've called Susan.
"Why are you here?" I rasped, talking putting my chest in instant agony.
"Your father called, he's gone out of town, he said you needed picking up from your surgery. I knew Brittany would've known so I asked her what surgery you had and when she didn't have any answer I came straight over. I thought it was some kind of emergency surgery." She took a deep breath, honestly Brittany's parents treated me like I was their own daughter since they found out that Britt and I were together. It was a nice feeling but at the same time I felt so guilty for not letting them know I was having a boob job.
"I'm sorry I didn't say about it." I whimpered, instantly feeling nauseous. Susan noticed straight away and directed me to a bowl so that I could vomit. It hurt so badly, the acid was burning my throat and my chest was in immeasurable amounts of pain.
"Why did you do it?" She whispered, moving the hair from my face and helping me sit so I could drink some water.
"My Papi and Abuela." I whispered and saw her eyebrows furrow. Brittany's parents were really too loving, they couldn't even fathom the idea that my family would allow me to go through with a surgery. "Being gay is a sin, they thought that maybe if I looked more appealing, I'd find the right boy." I felt my heart basically stop, it hurt to admit out loud that the reason I was in a hospital bed was because my family just couldn't accept me.
"Santana, oh baby." She kissed my forehead. "If I could slap him, I truly would." She promised and held my hand tightly.
"I should've told you but I was embarrassed and now everything just hurts and I don't want to go home because everything will just go back to normal and everything hurts too much to go back to normal." I felt tears pricking the backs of my eyes and I tried the hardest I could to blink them away.
"How about, I get you some painkillers and we'll see if I can get you back to our house?" She offered and I nodded a little, too nervous to say otherwise. As much as I didn't want to rely on Susan, I knew that I couldn't go home like I was expected to. I couldn't face my Abuela or my Papi, I didn't want to see the looks of disappointment that even after my eight thousand dollar surgery, I was still a lesbian.
After about five more hours of just laying in the hospital, we were finally discharged. Susan settled me in the car and drove back to her house slowly, making sure that the car wasn't moving me too much as she could see the excruciating pain that I was in. After about an hour drive, we finally pulled up at her house, Brittany running out to the car. I could feel that I looked like hell, I felt so bad I wasn't even excited to be seeing my girlfriend. I just wanted to cry, I wanted things to get better. I wanted to get rid of the scars on my chest and have my old boobs back but I knew that there was nothing I could do.
"Tana what happened?!" She gasped, noticing my pale face and the melted ice packs in my hands.
"It's nothing." I whispered, I felt so vulnerable, my chest felt like it was on fire and I didn't know how I'd walk from the car to the house. I pushed myself out of the car, dizzy and nauseous with pain, taking three slow steps before spilling the contents of my stomach over Britt's driveway.
"I'm so sorry, I'll clean it up I promise." I was burning red with embarrassment when I felt a strong pair of arms around me, carefully picking me up.
"Tana, it's okay, let us take care of you." Brittany whispered, kissing my temple. She carried me up to her bedroom and I remember falling asleep at some point after she tucked me into her bed.
I woke up to the feeling of the bed dipping next to me, a hand stroking my face to wake me up more. "Hey honey, you've been asleep a few hours, I think you should try to eat something." Brittany whispered, helping me sit up.
"Thank you." I smiled a little bit, reaching to hold her hand that was resting on the bed. "Sorry I'm like this." I sighed, looking down and noticing how much larger my boobs really looked.
"You're not like anything, you're perfect." She sighed, handing me an ice pack for my chest. "Why though?" She looked hurt that she didn't know anything.
"My Papi and my Abuela." I admitted, recounting the story to my girlfriend as she listened intently. Her free hand found its place in my hair, braiding it loosely so it wouldn't stick to my face anymore.
"I'm glad their plan didn't work." Britt whispered, I knew she was trying to lighten the mood as she helped me eat the dinner that her mom had made. "I wouldn't like it if you weren't into girls anymore, it would kinda ruin what we have." She giggled a little and I tried to hold back my laughter, knowing how much it would hurt my chest. I was glad that she wasn't looking sorry for me, she was happy to have me with her and didn't even think twice about wanting to take care of me. I couldn't even begin to think about what I did right in my life to end up being with such an amazing and caring person, she made everything feel just a little bit better and she didn't even have to try.
"I couldn't do this if I wasn't into girls." I smiled, leaning forward and pressing out lips together, showing all my love and gratitude for her in just one kiss, I was sure she understood everything I was feeling.
"A surgeon can't change true love, Tana." She whispered and let me cuddle into her, making sure I was comfortable and my chest was okay. She took the best care of me, making sure that I iced my chest every time I had to and that I took my painkillers every fourth hour. She'd bring me food and help me shower, never once looking at me sexually. She wanted me to be okay, she didn't care if I looked like hell or if my hair was matted.
For the first week after surgery, Britt was the one to wash my hair, it kind of became a routine. She'd spend the longest time massaging my head with the shampoo, ensuring I didn't have to lift my arms and hurt myself. She'd gently wash the suds from my hair and promise me that she wouldn't leave my side. The promise was never broken, even when I went back to my house, she'd visit daily. Each visit she'd bring home made soup and lots of coffee and we'd just relax together, slowly but surely returning to our old routine, eventually healing enough just in time to go back to school in September.
We were back to our regular routine, I got ready in my Cheerios uniform and tied my hair up, putting on my new bra and looking at myself. There was definitely a difference in how I looked but, thankfully, it wasn't incredibly noticeable. I smiled when there was a knock at my front door, opening it to reveal my best friend and my love.
"Ready for hell?" I asked her, slipping into her arms for a quick hug after we shared a morning kiss.
"Baby it'll be great, stop worrying." Britt laughed, opening the car door for me and handing me the coffee that she's bought on the way over.
"Is this an iced latte?" I grinned, drinking it happily as I settled in the passenger seat.
"I know how much you love one in the morning." She giggled, holding my hand over the centre console. "You look happy." She smiled over at me and squeezed my hand.
"I have you, I'm very happy. I'm happy that nothing changed between us over summer. I'm happy with what we have and I love you," Santana smiled and settled into her seat, content with her life that she shared with her girlfriend.
