Rant - LifeSucks2008

IV

My mother loves to belittle me on everything. This includes my room, she screams at me saying how I do nothing all day and yet my room is always so messy even if I had just cleaned it. She says that my stuff is always on the floor, that I never have a clean desk because there would be dirty dishes or rubbish. I have never had the voice or heart to speak up to her because the last time that happened I ended up locking my self in my room silently having a panic attack. We fought over something that happened 2 days before, the time my panic attack was at its worse. 

My younger sister had done something that left me crying and she did nothing but run away from the problem she caused, so I left to my room where I was trying to clear my head by playing with my scissors, which I do a lot, which was when my older sister came into and saw me with my scissors. She screamed at my telling me to give them to her saying how she doesn't want a repeat of me slitting my wrists, her screaming and bringing that up triggered my panic attack. It felt like I was trying to protect my self from something as I was in a fetal position in the corner of my room crying for her to leave me alone. By this time more people had come to see what was happening which lead to me getting over whelmed, I was screaming and crying for people to leave me alone but they wouldn't leave. Soon my mother came into the room and started to say how I was being overdramatic and to get over it, I proceeded to tell her to get out multiple time but she wouldn't listen. I eventually fell asleep out of exhaustion but woke up around 3 hours later and being able to go back to sleep.