A piece of me, shattered

Denial is a defence mechanism.

Tejo Kaur Virk had boarded that express train time and time again to shield herself from the arrow of hurt that threatened to tear her faith in people apart; effectively nullifying that menace. It was a one-way road down a cliff with little to no chance of survival.

But this time was different. It was an impulsive decision that proved to be in her diminishing favour. In the split second that it took the train to trample down the cliff of blind conviction, Tejo jumped. It was a hard landing. The safety of landing on nicely laid leaves had abandoned her senses leaving behind an ad nauseum apocalypse between trust, certainty and untouchable faith.

There they stood, her husband and sister wrapped around each other, looks of contentment cemented in every line and pore of their face. Something inside broke right then and there- the heart. It was agonizingly slow, taking its own sweet time to make sure she suffered every bit of this betrayal. The image mercilessly scraped at the pulsing open wound with sharp claws, infecting it with the lesson she had come to learn- trust no one.

Fingertips moist from the recent shower, he brushed them up her lean arms. A feather-light touch; enough to leave her desiring for more and to make the hair on the back of her neck stand. Yet not enough to satisfy the urge. It's appetising.

Tejo clawed unforgivingly at her porcelain skin, scratching every inch of it he once left his mark on littering it with angry red scratches. She continued to mug her skin of its beauty in hopes of reliving the utter disdain dripping from it. It took a moment for her to process the rough textured hand that had stopped her from pursuing a self-cleansing crusade. The revulsion crossing her features isn't lost on him.

Fateh Singh Virk, her beloved husband, held her gaze with his oh so soft brown eyes. "What's wrong with you, tejo ji!"

Seeing no hesitation, he dared to go a step further bringing his finger up to her bareback, caressing the soft skin there. The blush Tejo had at that moment sent a blaze of glory to rip through him starting from the very fingertips he was using. I have an effect on her, he mulled to himself.

Tejo couldn't see the sincerity those oh so soft eyes once possessed. They were filled with the malicious intent of deceit and formality that had evaporated after that night. A speck of pity for her as a result of his heinous actions sparkled in them.

The watch ticked in the quiet night and Tejo felt herself melting at his notions. Before she knew it, they were on the bed surrendering to their hungry desires and taking their marriage a step further. Never had she thought that they would reach this point. Alas, life has a twisted sense of humour.

She tried to be his 'Guru' in the phase of adversity. The incantation 'gu' meant darkness or poison and 'Ru' was an eliminator of darkness.

In the beginning of this previously beautiful relationship, fateh stood at the doors of darkness, ready to submit to its tug. The abyss had an alluring pull towards it because it was a bottomless pit devoid of everything; sadness, pain, suffering and happiness. It was simply, nothing. But it weaved a hypotonic enigma around its hollow shells.

Her family had always thrown her to the front line to clean up their messes. She had sacrificed her dreams for their happiness. She readily got married twice to men who weren't worth the trouble she faced following the demise of her expectations for them. Failure was a hard teacher. Every time expectations from her family came crashing down, she learned bit by bit not to depend on them. So she knows loneliness had a habit of being addictive, it was her habitat for a long time before she met him.

Saving him from the same fate was her priority. She succeeded in bringing him to a utopia he didn't know existed without the presence of jasmine. It was a short-lived period of blissful ignorance in which she proclaimed to have performed her duty as a 'guru'. The tables have turned only this time; there is no guru to guide me back into the light.