TW: swearing, super minor self harm, panic attack, just the slightest bit of touch starved Patton- let me know if i missed anything-
Human AU, mociet, just a bit of hurt/comfort, there's not a lot of storyline, i'm basically just venting, it's not supposed to make sense- but you can take this anyways cuz i kinda like it
Patton's POV
He was done. He certainly wished he wasn't, but Patton couldn't do it anymore.
Almost a year ago, he had met someone amazing. They were absolutely incredible. They were kind and caring, and they were pretty much his only friend. Their name was Virgil.
He didn't like them romantically, it was one hundred percent platonic, but he loved them with his whole heart.
In the year he had known them, he had been their 'mom friend', the one who they turned to whenever they needed anything! At least, he hoped they did.
At first, it had been just fine! They were just a couple of people who were friends! And no, the problem that arose wasn't what you'd probably expect.
Patton, was okay! He had a nice place, accepting parents, he had no reason to have problems, so of course he offered to help Virgil, who didn't have those things.
Virgil... didn't have the best household, per say. Their parents weren't the most supportive when they came out as non-binary, and even less when they came out as gay. Nothing had been the same for them since.
They had told me most of this on one particularly bad night... and of course I had done my best to help!
As time went on, Virgil's mental state had been steadily getting better! They got to the point where the times they needed my help became fewer and fewer. We had also met a few other people who had joined our friend group, two boys named Logan and Roman, then there were Remus and Janus, who were gender fluid and pan-gender, respectfully.
And with those new additions to their friend famILY, of course he offered his help to them as well! Because of course he'd never dream of denying anyone who needed help!
And as time progressed, they all helped each other! Everyone was doing better than before we had all met. We were all closer than family, randomly showing up at each others houses simply to crash on their couches and binge shows, or documentaries (in Logan's case).
To any normal person, this would obviously be a good thing! Everyone was doing alright, and he had even gotten Virgil to open up enough to accept more friends, and believe me when I tell you how against that they were at first, especially with their severe social anxiety.
Now of course, I was happy for them! I was glad that they were alright thanks to me! That I had been able to help! But...
Damn it... I shouldn't feel like this! It's selfish for me to feel so terribly about this...
They don't even need you anymore
Shut up...
They'd be perfectly fine without you!
N- well... yeah they probably would be...
You don't have any more purpose to them.
I gripped my hair, hard, as I felt my breathing start to pick up.
They're fine now, they don't need you anymore, and it won't be long until you just... fade away!
"Stop it..." I whispered.
I didn't even notice when my glasses slipped from my face.
The only reason they've stuck around you this long was because you were able to help them! And now they don't even need your help anymore!
At this point he just wished the tears would fall... It might relieve at least some of his feelings...
It took what seemed to be only a moment for Patton to realize that his hands had left his hair in favor of vigorously scratching at his knuckles.
He didn't care. It made him gave him at least some sense of feeling something.
He just wished he could just... feel something real! Something that wasn't just the pain that he set upon himself. Or at least have a name for... whatever he was feeling...
When it came to helping his friends, he had no problem with listening and figuring out their emotions and how to best help them. He knew them. He knew what helped who, who needed what to feel better, but when it came to himself? It was a completely different story...
why couldn't he just be fucking okay-?
