"Okay, I have 10 rules for you to follow got it?" I jabb my finger in Sam's face.
"Yes, Sargent" he fake salutes me as he says this.
"Okay now, Rule number 10: no dirty talk (no talking about how you conquered this girl and would tap that)- that is NOT going to help you.
Rule Number 9: No eating with your mouth open (it is really super gross and she won't stick around for long if you do that.)
Rule Number 8: Compliment small things about her (tell her that her nail polish really suits her or her scarf is really pretty.)
Rule Number 7: Be original! (She's not gonna want to hear the old pickup lines or conversation starters, be different.)
Rule Number 6: No flirting with other girls while you're with her. She's-"
"No flirting? As in none!? But we're not even dating yet." Sam whines and pouts at me, trying to get me to change the rules. No way. My rules have been successful in every date I've ever been on. And there were quite a few if I do say so myself.
Brush off the fake dust off my shoulders.
I'm just hoping the rules for a girl going on a date with a guy is the same as the rules for a guy going on a date with a girl.
"Yes, no flirting. I mean it. I know your player ways but pretend you're not one for this girl okay?" Raising my eyebrows I give him the listen-to-me-because-i-know-these-things look.
"Whatever." Sammy mumbles and ducks his head in shame. He knows he's a player. He's usually proud and flaunts it but now he seems ashamed. Good, he shouldn't be breaking 3 different girls hearts in the span of a single week.
"Now, as I was saying- she's going to want to feel like the only girl you're giving attention to okay?
Rule Number 5: No intimate touching unless she does it. I mean no grabbing her ass or using tongue or anything, unless she shoves hers down your throat first.
Rule Number 4: No kissing until the date is over. If you kiss her and she doesn't really like you then your date is going to be super awkward so rather wait till after okay?
Rule Number 3: Keep the conversation going! Put in effort, don't let the conversation go into the deep dark hole of awkwardness.
Rule Number 2: Be yourself (but preferably your less gross, abnoxious, perverted self, be the good and charming one I helped raise.)
And finally, Rule Number 1: HAVE FUN!!"
As I say this I push Sam out the door so that he tumbles down the stairs and almost falls face first into his car.
"Bye Sammy! Good luck with your bitch!" I yell out the door and Sammy gives me bird. Olive isn't actually a bitch but she will be his soon.
Now you're probably confused as too what's going on, well my best friend-Samuel Kingsley- is about to go on the date he has been trying to get on for his entire high school life. The date with Olive Sparks. Olive Sparks is a popular girl, she's not snobby and uptight like the other ones- she's actually quiet and calm and kind of nerdy in a way. I actually really like her.
Sammy has had the biggest crush ever on her since they had to do a group project together on the first day of eighth grade. He had it bad for her, anything she asked, he would do in a flash and to the best of his capabilities.
Once, a girl told Olive that Sammy was totally into her and was completely whipped. And to test this theory, she asked him to run around the gym and then climb up her tree to find her kitten Fluffball. Olive didn't have a cat. Never had had one in her life, but little Sammy didn't know that.
So, Sammy did what she asked and after 3 hours of running around and sitting in the tree calling for a cat that didn't exist, Olive called him down. I must say, it was highly amusing seeing Sam try to climb a tree.
Anyway, Sammy finally got enough courage to ask Olive out on a date and surprisingly- though I knew it would happen- she said yes. And I had just finished grounding my rules of the first date into his thick skull so that he doesn't mess it up.
