Rhythm & Bleu

"Show Me Love."

​"I can't believe my baby is going off to college." Mommy cooed, and I could tell from the sound of her voice that she was doing her best not to cry. Kissing me all over my face, I tried to swat her away respectfully so that she wouldn't brush against my nipples that currently felt like they were doused in gasoline and lit on fire. It didn't help that her perfume was strong enough to make a whale cry, and they couldn't even smell. I was trying to play it off like a normal, rude teenager but the closer my mom got to me, the more I felt like I was going to pass out. Thankfully, my other mom stepped in and pulled mommy away.
​"Cadence, give the girl some space. She may be our baby still, but she's not a baby any more. She's a smart, beautiful girl who's going to change the world." When my mama, Codi, ushered mommy away from me, her hand brushed against the hardened bump hidden under my two sizes to big sweatshirt and I was so sure that I was busted that my heart fell into the pit of my stomach. It was either about to come out of my ass, or my baby was. I could tell that she wanted to say something by the way that she bit down on her bottom lip but then my little sister, Ivy came into the room and tugged on my arm. I crouched down so that we were on the same eye level and she put her arms around my neck. I was co-captain of the cheerleading and the dance squad so usually I was able to keep my balance but with this extra baby weight, I struggled to stay on my feet. Just in case I fell, I pulled my sweatshirt down so that I wouldn't be exposed in that moment.
​"I'm going to miss you, Rhythm." She pouted and I watched as her bottom lip poked out, letting me know she was about to cry. Out of everybody, I was the saddest about leaving her. She was my only sister, and the only one of my moms' kids biologically related to me, though I wasn't sure that made a difference. My four brothers did the same good job at annoying me that she did. You see, my moms had been together for almost twenty-four years and married for twenty. They got together knowing they both wanted to start a family but had a hard time finding someone to pick a lesbian couple to take their child for life, at that time.

Once my Mama Codi's business began to flourish, they investigated the idea of getting donor sperm and carrying babies themselves. In order to avoid the stigma of the child being closest to one parent because they were biologically related and carried by that partner, my moms made a deal. Whoever's egg was harvested would be implanted in the other's womb. That way, we all would be bonded by blood and love. Ivy and I were carried by Mama Codi, while my four brothers, Noel, Marquisse, River and Nixon were carried by Mama Cadence. So no, I don't love one of my moms more than the other. It's impossible to do that when they both stayed up with me when I was sick at, neither of them ever missed a cheer competition and when I announced which elite college I had decided to attend after graduating school almost a year earlier than planned, both of my moms threw me a massive party to celebrate, even though they were reluctant about me going halfway across the country.
​ Staring at Ivy was like staring in the mirror since we were both the product of Mama Cadence. We sported the same single dimple in our chin, the same kinky, thick curls and we both had the same hotheaded, act first and think later mentality that Mama Cadence was known for, and my words caught in my throat as I struggled to tell her just how much I was going to miss her. Finally, I was able to get myself together. "I'm going to miss you more, Ivy. But you know what? We can FaceTime every night and if you need anything, you can text me. Always. You know that." Almost being in my third trimester, my emotions were everywhere, and I felt tears well up in my eyes again. In that moment, I wanted to throw my suitcases out of the window, say fuck it, confess everything, and tell my sister she never had to worry about me going anywhere, but I knew in my heart, I couldn't do that. Mama Cadence and Mama Codi would kill me. Noel, my big brother, would probably kill the scum of the earth that got me pregnant, and that would be the end of that. I'm not saying he wouldn't deserve it, but that wasn't an option for me. I liked my life and I wanted to continue living it. My plan was to go away to school, work and study for as long as I could until having her, figuring out something after I had her and then during Christmas break, bringing her back to meet my family. My moms would be so busy loving on her that they wouldn't be worried about killing me.
​In about two and a half more months, I'd be welcoming a baby girl and I was already sure I knew her name. Mercie Marie Ross. Since it was clear that her dad wouldn't be a part of this experience or her life since he blocked me once I told him, Mercie would have my last name. My mind was already made up and that was one of the biggest reasons I didn't want to tell my parents. I didn't want them to try and talk me out of this, because they would be wasting their breath. I was going to do this, at seventeen years old, and I was going to do an amazing job at it. Right then, my baby caught the hiccups and my stomach jumped causing me to lose my balance. Luckily, I caught myself and stood up. Mama Codi glanced at my stomach and I knew she wanted to say something, again, but I watched her literally shake the thought away. Mama Cadence, completely unaware of what was going on and wanting to change the somber mood, pulled out her checklist. As anal as she was, she'd made an entire list of everything that needed to be done and she was going to make sure I followed it.
​"Now, Rhythm... I want you to know that Mama Codi and I support you in whatever you do. You know that, right?" she asked, waiting for me to nod before she continued. "We love you and we want you to be your best, which is why we agreed to let you go away for school. But we want you to take this seriously. Yes, you have your own apartment. Your car will be shipped to you and you'll have a driver in the meantime. You don't have to work. Your main priority is school, Rhythm. We don't expect you to act like a nun and not to date or go to parties or whatever, but I promise you, Rhythm... We will be checking in on you. We will be flying in unannounced and sometimes, we may randomly ask for a progress report or a report card just to make sure that you're staying on track. If at any time we feel like you're not giving your best or you're not focusing the way you need to be, I'll be on the next thing smoking to pull you out and bring you right back here to complete your studies at the community college. Do you understand me, Rhythm Marie Ross?" she said, sternly. I don't know if you've ever felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, but in that moment, I did. I was speechless, so I just nodded my head. I wanted to tell them everything. From start to finish. About how this happened and how I planned to succeed in everything I did from this point on, even if meant with a baby attached to my hip. I wanted to cry as they held me and told me everything was going to be okay, but a part of me told me that this would be the biggest disappointment of their lives and I just couldn't do that to them. Not when they were already so proud of me.
​Before you start making assumptions about me, I want you to know that I wasn't some rich, spoiled kid who got any and everything I ever wanted. Okay, I did but that's because I worked hard for it. I excelled in school, I was respectful at home and aside from this one little mistake that would affect me for the rest of my life, I stayed out of trouble and out of the way. I glanced at the clock and my eyes nearly fell out of my head.
​"I have to finish packing a few last things in my carry-on, so I don't die of boredom on the flight. Ivy, you want to take this out to Noel for me, since he's packing the car up?" Wiping away the few lame ass tears that had managed to escape, I packed up my laptop, charger and a small bag of hygiene necessities and then zipped it up. I threw on my jacket, slipped on my slides and headed out to the car with my moms following behind me. Noel and Ivy were joking around and I was putting my bag in the trunk when I heard tires screeching to a halt behind me.
​"This is for Tayo, bitch ass nigga!!" was all I heard before I turned around just to see a hailstorm of bullets come flying my way.
​"Get down!!!" Noel yelled, pulling a gun out and returning fire as he tried to duck the gunfire that was coming our way. It was only a few seconds but seemed like forever before the dark, maroon-colored four door sped away and with my hands still covering my ringing ears, I looked behind me to see my moms behind the car, shaking and crying, but okay. I could see Noel crouching and could tell he wasn't hurt. But then I looked in front of the car and the heart that I thought was in my asshole before, shattered in that moment.
​"Oh no, oh no," I began to cry. I could tell nobody saw what I saw and I crawled to my sister, scared that whoever had shot at us would come back. For some reason, as everything went down, Ivy had ran to the back of the car, probably to get to me so that I could protect her. When everything went down, she caught the brunt of it and I got to her fast, peeling off my shirt to apply pressure to the wound but there was too much blood and too many wounds. "Ivy, no!! Somebody help us!" I cried, screaming. My moms had no idea what was going on until that moment and as they ran to my side, I saw both of them collapse on the ground. It was no use for anyone to try and save her. For a few moments, her body shook but then her eyes glazed over and I knew she was gone. In that instant, I forgot about everything else as I cradled her and looked over to see Noel just standing there in shock. "What did you do, Noel? What did you do?! Ivy is dead!!!" I screamed, getting up covered in our sister's blood, just so that he could see the damage. His hands were on top of his head and tears streamed down his face, but I didn't give a fuck about any of that. He had to be the reason that this happened because who the hell was Tayo?
​However, as I stood up to punch Noel dead in his mouth, the world began to split into two and my vision went blurry. In order to avoid falling, I leaned against the car and Noel instantly came to my side.
​"Rhythm? Rhythm?" Hearing him call my name, I tried to stand up straight again and that's when everything went dark.