No Longer Alone (Miraculous Fan-Fiction)

1. Losing myself

Fan Art: Marinette hiding behind ladybug .

A/N: WELCOME to 5th book , another sad one sorry , next one will be longer and take me forever but i just finished writing my last book , Hey princess , go check it out if you haven't . So this book is already pre written .
enjoy <333

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Marinettes POV:

Today has been the longest day of my life , i'm so tired , so exhausted, i feel like there's no time to breathe anymore .

Gabriel Agreste is in jail for being hawkmoth , i can't imagine how Adrien feels right now  , i feel for him .

chat noir and i , We defeated him about almost 5 months ago , everything was going great for us , we went on patrol occasionally, kind of distanced ourselves a little unfortunately, but it's okay .

life was back to as we knew it when we were 14 , now we're beginning our senior year , how exciting , or at least it was supposed to be exciting , a new chapter of our lives was about to unfold .

i guess 5 months was more than enough vacation, now there's a new hawkmoth , we never got the butterfly or peacock miraculous's back after the battle .

i was worried about it , and i worried right , someone got a hold of them , no one knows who could've possibly found them but they did . this has got to be my worst nightmare.

this was about a month ago , things have been really stressful since then , the kwamis try to help , but as guardian this just makes everything harder .

iv thought about replacing myself , but i can't do that as long as i want to keep my identity a secret , this new hawkmoth has a different style , definitely smarter .

these villains have become more complicated then ever , though chat noir and i never fail , and we don't plan to now , i'm just tired .

iv gone through stages where i thought about renouncing my guardianship and losing my memories as an escape , i was sick of my freedom being taken away .

i wonder if chat noir feels the same way , i feel like i should check on him .

everything would be so much easier if master fu were here , 3 years without him , i can't imagine what it was like being guardian for so long , iv already wanted to quit .

I'm so stressed , i hate lying to everyone i know , i hate being alone in this , i know Bunnix knows my identity , so that must mean soon i should tell Alix, i haven't given her the bunny miraculous yet but i feel it may almost be time .

since were almost 18 , that means adult powers are right around the corner , i'm not sure how to prepare for that , there's no mention of it in the guardians book .

i knew what i signed up for by taking on these responsibilities on my own , i just didn't think losing myself was part of it

i wake up every morning and look at myself in the mirror , i don't even know who the reflection looking back at me is anymore , nothing feels right , it's a never ending misery .

now i have my first day of senior year to get ready for , i feel like i should check on adrien . he must be a wreck .

~~~

i got up early this morning , surprising i know , even tiki was still sleeping .

i guess she's happy she didn't have to go through half an hour of me groaning and turning sides every time she'd try to get me up .

looking at myself in the mirror , my hair is messy , my eyes are baggy and bloodshot from my lack of sleep and crying , that bad , it's been that bad lately, i can barely think for a moment .

iv lost myself , my perception of life , i have zero desire to do anything .

i'm wearing a navy plaid skirt with a lacy dark blue cami to match , along with my doc martins. i put on just natural basic makeup to cover my obvious down falls of the summer .

I'm almost an adult , i'm sick of these fucking childish ass pigtails , i need a new look .

i just brush my hair and leave it down , i fix my bangs and curl the ends of my hair to hide the split ends .

i'm already an adult basically , just saving Paris and  all that , iv already taken the liberty of scheduling my own therapy appointment, i can't tell my parents why i need it . i don't need that right now, i just want to feel better .

i cant feel better with a constant reminder on my skin that i almost completely lost everything , including my life .

i just need to get on with my day , it's senior year , things were supposed to be different.
everything makes me flood with emotions.

i can see the mascara running down my eyes while staring in mirror , this can't be happening again , every time , it's all guilt .

i never brought nooroo and dussuu home like i promised the rest of the kwamis , i never saved them .

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After school...

"i'm sorry i don't understand, i can't help you if you keep using all these metaphors to describe what's happening" my therapist says , this was a mistake , i should've known better .

"i'm sorry i , just can't" i start choking up on my words , therapy is useless if i can't get any help for what's really happening in my life , a secret no one knows yet , and she won't be the first i tell .

"i'm sorry , this was a mistake, you can keep the money" i rush out with my backpack , i wish master fu was here , he always knew what i needed .

i wish i could rely on chat noir but even if i wanted to, which i did after the final battle, i couldn't bring myself to do it and i think he's pushing me away because of it .

Chat blanc ruined me , it got bad , visions , images , voices , i don't want to know that version of my kitty in present time .

i'll wait for someone to guide me , all i want more than anything is a push in the right direction . when i went to school everyone looked so happy , their summers went great , they all talked about their vacations and relationships.

Alya knew something was up with me , but she didn't pry , that's why she's my best friend . Adrien looked off as well , i guess it makes sense , finding out your father has been tormenting all of Paris for years must be hard to find out .

not to mention his father was probably not that great of a father either , yet he still lost him , and his mom , now he's got no one .
i want to be there for him . i hope he hasn't lost himself yet .

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A/N: And that's the end of the first chapter folks , i hope you enjoyed reading it as much as i enjoyed writing , next chapter will be Adriens POV on this whole shizaddle
bye bye <333

Edit: OMF I JUST WATCHED WISHMAKER OH EM GEEEEE , HE KNOWS UALL HE KNOWS AND HE DOESNT HAVE A CHARM TO PROTECT HIM FROM GETTING ALUMATIZED AHHHH!!! Bye y'all <33