remember when

seven

remember when i came to school the first day of sophomore year? i changed during the holidays, i did. my hair became lighter, my skin became tanner, my face became thinner, my eyebrows became thicker, my eyes became brighter, my lips became fuller, my belly became flatter, my boobs became bigger. not too much, but enough for you to notice me.

that summer was an important one for me. i went to a summer camp with my cousin, who ignored me the whole time. but i met a lot of girls who seemed cool back then, and we sneaked out of our bunkhouse late at night and went to the woods with boys and sometimes we smoked, sometimes we played truth or dare. it was an interesting summer. it definitely changed me, and i became a little bit more confident.

anyway, when i came to school you just stood there with your mouth hanging open. then you muttered an incoherent greeting and i giggled and greeted you back. you sat down next to me and we talked a bit, and i was actually genuinely surprised! it was nice talking to you!

then josie came and when she saw us, she shot me a glare and sat down in the front of the class. you laughed your ass off at her reaction. after school, we hung out.

you were so cool! so unbelievably cool! and when i was getting cold (because i was only wearing high-waisted shorts and a black top that day) you offered me your hoodie. it smelled of you.

we sat on a bench in a park and we talked.

we talked about life. ("i just-i sometimes wonder if there's a greater purpose to it, if there's a reason why things that happen happen, i wonder if destiny really exists," i said. and you replied: "i don't believe in destiny. i think it's for the weak. i think it's for the people who are too cowardish to actually do things and who just sit and watch life go by, believing that a destined moment will come and things will change. but it doesn't work like that. you gotta take your life into your own hands.")

we talked about dreams. ("when i was a kid, i wanted to be a dustman," you admitted and i laughed so much i almost cried. "then, a truck driver. a politician. the president. a doctor, for a day." "and now? what do you want to be now?" i asked you. you looked at the sky and said: "i dunno. i want to be fucking rich," you smirked and i swear i almost pissed myself from laughter.)

we talked about high school. ("i hope it will be like in the movies," you said. "oh god, i hope it won't be like in the movies," i opposed and you scoffed. "why?" "because in the movies there's always those cheesy one-liners and make-out sessions in the rain and nerd-to-beauty transformations and all those cliché things i hate. why do you hope it will be like in the movies?" "i want those badass parties with the red cups and jumping into pools," you answered simply and for the millionth time that night i laughed out loud, wholeheartedly.)

we talked and talked and then, you walked me home and you hugged me. and we stood there, in front of my house, hugging, for like five minutes. then, you left without another word. i missed your warmth immediately.

i went inside the house and fell asleep with a naive smile on my face and your hoodie in my hands.

that was one of the best days of my life.