Your love is like poison

make it rain

I kept playing with a lighter in my hand just trying to keep the though out of head. I don't know what to do anymore and every time I thought about my childhood it killed me today was no different, sitting in my dark room only light was coming from the bright flame shooting from the lighter. My father sin beating down on me not let me forget the things he did to me as a child today will be the anniversary my mother's death but I wouldn't be surprised if he was to blame for that too the only good light in my life and now she was gone and only thing was left of the Damned light of darkness that come over me and make me want to jump off a bridge and die sometimes the pain is deeper than you ever want to believe. Mama pass down her depression to me she committed suicide last year because unhappy married kill her. She begged him to stay but he never did she begged him love her the way he was supposed to but he never did she begged him to try make work for family and leave the men alone but only thing he did beat her and make her feel like she was nothing because she was the reason he was unhappy she wasn't satisfying him because his desires ate him up inside to take out on my mother. It Just got to the point where she couldn't take it anymore when you love someone to my point where you don't know who you are anymore when want him to love you back but he doesn't hear cries, he rather touch your son before he touch you . I was insane because the walls were talking to me and they are saying the things that I didn't want to hear so the darkness speak louder then word. when you don't know what to do or where to go in and all do know is you just have run and I'm not stay here and i did just that ran into New York fall weather and i didn't know where i was go kept go and I didn't stop until I ended up in front her door. " farkle what are you doing here" she said but i didn't waste no roughly kiss her " who here" i ask her as i pull away and shake her head " nobody just me" she said as she pull my shirt over my head continue to kiss like the world going to end and i knew this wrong but felt so good because she made pain go aways she made forgot for minute with just a kiss this wasn't love but best medicine there as we rolling around living floor with nothing on and kiss her body it was god greatest gift to earth as climb on top of me not break the kiss she rode me as her moan get loud as i hit her spot she call my name as slap her ass. When we finally climax it was like fireworks how great felt as lay there on the ground and i'm holding her tightly in arm. " it been a minute thought forgotten about me but i got I meant I miss you" she said before kiss my lip but i quick wiped off I didn't wanna talk right now because we could talk about a million things right now but what I need it was silence and want to do have sex without any strings attached don't get me wrong I love this girl probably even care about her but no more than but never as deep as she as wish you always, hate dragging her along, it was like sleeping with enemy it feels so good but wrong, she going to make the pain go away yeah theres other girls but she she's a always always he who I come back to " I love to stay but I got to go smackle nice seeing you again we should do this sometime" i said start to grab my clothes and put them on " are you serious are you really going to leave me because I'm not Riley or Maya doesn't mean you have to treat me like crap just give me a chance Farkle looking we can dominate this world together like you always wanted to do you want to take over the world than don't walk out like this please." she said to me grabbed my arm as tightly as you can when are they telling me to stay her body language telling me to stay but alway I want to do is get out of there as pulled myself from her grip " you know from the get go I don't want anything serious this isn't about Riley or even maya at all why do you try to make the more than what it is we have fun together yes we do but I don't want to be with you" i said she fall to ground as I walked out of the door I didn't want to stay for the waterworks, As I was back into the night with trouble on my mind