a college secret

loneliness

Florence had a roommate who didn't speak to her at all. Even though she had tried to be friendly, that girl simply didn't want to have anything to do with her. At first, she was left surprised: usually, she was the one who was looked up to, so why was she trying so hard to have that random person's attention? She was disappointed.

After a few months, she'd understand that some people simply wouldn't like her for no reason. She realized she had been protected her whole life - sometimes by her family, sometimes by her beauty.

Having arrived at the foreign land, she thought she'd make friends fast. But she wore her sadness and her nostalgia for the summer as a crown, and subconsciously pushed everyone away. It would be false storytelling if I were to tell you nobody tried to befriend her.

She was looking for Betty at everyone who would approach her. One girl in the first week had curly hair, and one young man had her crooked smile. The sociology teacher had her button nose, and the smartest girl in class had similar hazel eyes. However, just imitations of the real deal weren't enough for her.

That city, romantic as it was for her, couldn't be fully appreciated if she wasn't with the one she loved.

Some nights, she'd wish that her rude roommate was her girlfriend and that wish would turn into dreams during that night that would make her laugh and, when she'd wake up, she'd cry.

Gladly, the semester went faster than she thought it would because she was so occupied with the idea that she needed to seem fine for the people back home and with the studies that the time went by quickly. However, because she wouldn't go back home for the holidays, she felt a rush of sadness take over her and, without thinking straight, she called her grandmother.

The old woman wasn't expecting it, but she was far too happy to hear the girl's voice to ask why she was calling so late in the night. But then she heard the voice crack and her heart broke in a million pieces along with the young girl's.

"What's happening, my dear?", the old woman asked.

Florence, however, didn't respond. She thought, for some reason, her grandmother's voice would fix everything; but they were still far away from each other and the girl was still crying in a cold room alone.

She wanted to say she wanted to go back. She wanted to say that she needed someone to be there for her, and by phone wouldn't cut it. She needed a hand, a hug, a kiss on the forehead and a whisper predicting everything would be okay. She needed someone to love her and tell her why they loved her. She wanted someone to put a blanket over her shoulders and let her cry until all that pain and all those demons would go away.

But she had a hard time breathing to even be able to say anything, and the grandmother was too shocked to have the perfect words to say. So they just stayed in line to hear each other breathing. Knowing that both were still alive, beating hearts, was enough at that moment.

"Thank you, Nana", Florence said, "I'm sorry to bother you".

Then she hung up. Barbara held the phone close to her face as if the girl was about to say something at any minute, but she just stayed awake that night, feeling like a failure for not being grateful enough for the opportunity she was having.

Next day would be new year's day. Some freshmen were planning to party in a restaurant somewhere far from the town center, and she was invited by a blond girl whose name she didn't remember. Maybe she should go, instead of staying by herself at that room, feeling sorry for herself.

But, at that moment, she could really just think of how nice it would have been if life was just a tiny bit less complicated and how nice it would've been if, somehow, she could've stayed with Betty and have her dream at the same time.

"I never should have come here in the first place", she whispered to herself, as she had done many nights before.