She goes there again at a far earlier time, when there are no fights.
She doesn't really expect the door to open, but it does and she steps in to find Renjun there, once again counting his money.
The only other person is a thin man sweeping the floors with a broom, which he was strangely caressing as if it was a lover.
"You want to know about Jeno," Renjun says before she even opens her mouth. He sighs and shoves the money back into the dark blue safe box at his feet. "Well come on up."
She sits and he calls to the man sweeping the floors. "Hey, give us a moment, would you?"
The man gave a two-fingered salute and sauntered out of the room.
Renjun waits until the door is closed before he starts speaking without preamble.
"The first thing you have to know about Jeno, is that this…" He gestures at the amphitheater.
"Is his addiction." He lets out a short laugh. "He probably doesn't know this and I'm the only one who knows, who figured it out, but fighting is his addiction and it's as dangerous as if he was addicted to coke or meth.
"It started most likely when he was a kid. His dad, mister lee, fought in these fights and Jeno would come and watch after school and on the weekends, mister lee would teach him how to fight. And pretty soon, he was hooked. He started fighting when he was eighteen, which is the youngest we'll let people fight here, and just… never stopped."
"Why didn't you stop him?" Nari demanded. "You knew he had a problem, why didn't you help him? Aren't you his friend?"
"I've been his best friend for eight years," Renjun said in an exhausted voice.
"And I've tried so many times till I've lost count. I did everything I could and it wasn't enough. We even had an official match about it. If you looked at his neck, you'll see a scar. That was from me," he said in a humorless voice.
"We were 21 years old. I told him if he lost, he'll go to a doctor about his addiction problem. He beat me so hard I woke up in the hospital a week later, but not before I gave him that scar on his neck."
Nari's eyes were wide, horrified.
Renjun rubbed a hand over his face.
"It's the denial that gets to me the most," he admits. "He keeps saying he doesn't have a problem and everyone who works in this place knows he does. But I'm the only one who dares say anything about it, cause I'm the only one who can take him in a fight and just manage to win. 2 times out of 10 though, but it's still 2 times more than anybody else here."
He clears his throat. "And I guess you're wondering why he can't fall in love."
"I think I have a pretty good idea," Nari murmurs. "Fighting is already his love, isn't it?"
"Not just that. He won't fall in love because of two other reasons." He holds up a finger.
"One, he knows whoever he falls in love with will try to get him to stop and he's the type that if they want him to stop, he'll do it and you know how strong addiction can be; he's terrified he'll stop because he knows he'll stop if the girl he loves wants him to so it'll be a battle between two desires; two incredibly strong desires. Two…" Renjun gave Nari a wary look as he holds up the second finger.
"Two is because he wants to die fighting."
She gasps and he places a hand over her mouth before the questions and exclamations of disbelief follow.
"Just listen to me." Nari nods reluctantly and he removes his hand.
"Jeno has always felt he was going to die in the pit. I think he even wants to die at the hands of a formidable opponent. And that's why he won't love, because he thinks it'll hurt the one he loves too much"
"You've heard him say that though he's not a gentleman, he's got morals? Yeah, thought so. He says that because he knows he can't, in good conscience, leave for a fight wanting to die while someone he loves waits for him to come back"
"The thought that one day he won't come home at all would kill the two of them, and that just leads to my first point again."
"So, Nari, for all 26 years of his life, he has never, ever let someone get close to him in that way at all except for mister lee, who died six years ago. You were probably the first person besides me he's let in in his entire life besides his father."
She looks into his eyes and sees raw hope shining bright. "And… this is wrong for me to wish this, but when he brought you to that fight two days ago, I hoped you'll be the one who can help me with his addiction."
He drew back and sighed. "I know, it's a huge responsibility and I don't blame you at all if you get up and leave right now but…" He looks at her.
"You're in love with him. And maybe… maybe that idiot would fall in love with you too."
Nari sits, white-faced and still, and Renjun sighs.
"Go home and think about it," he says gently. "Call me when you've made a decision."
He pulls a pen and an old receipt out of his pocket and scribbles down a series of numbers.
She takes it and Renjun escorts her to the door and watches as she walks slowly away, a look of sorrow in his dark eyes.
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