I Get Lonely Too

Chapter Two

After my encounter with Blaine, I replay it over and over in my head every day; Blaine, half-naked, his body…

Even though Blaine was slushied from head down, I still got to have an actual conversation with him! When we stared in each other's eyes, I felt this…feeling I've never felt before. Something inside me was just…turning its wheels and I was totally lost in Blaine's presence. Is this how love is supposed to feel?

God, I'm turning into Hummel. When did Puckzilla become such a woman?

I should really figure out my feelings for Anderson. I can't focus in my classes because he's all that I think about; I can't ever sleep without having to jack off, with him as my mental image, and even after I do, he's STILL on my mind, which gets me hard again, and it's just a re-occurring thing. When I see him in the halls, he looks directly at me, smiles, and then goes on his way. Every time he walks, I take glimpses at his ass and just lose it.

I guess it's safe to assume I'm falling hard for this kid. Not a day goes by where I don't think about him. I get butterflies in my fucking stomach every time I see him. I must be in love with him or something…I never get these feelings after I fuck some cougar, but I guess it's because those are just quick fucks and that's all they ever are. Even when I was with Santana, Quinn, Rachel; I never felt this feeling before.

I have no idea what to do and I'm in desperate need of help. But who could I talk to that would keep my secret?

I could try Hummel, but he'd start asking all these questions about when I realized I was gay and all that shit. It's a conversation I don't really feel like having right now.

Finn…definitely not. I know he's my best friend and all, but knowing him, he'll squeal to Berry, and she'll squeal to the girls and Hummel, and then it becomes this chain reaction and before you know it, everyone and their grandma knows.

I'd rather not talk to the guys in Glee…..the girls would spread that shit like herpes….so….I'm out of options. There's Mr. Schue, but I don't think he would be able to help me much.

MS. PILLSBERRY! I totally forgot about her. I'll go to Miss Pillsberry first thing tomorrow and talk to her about it. She's someone I can trust…hopefully…

I wake up to my alarm repeatedly going off in my ear. I take a look at my alarm clock and it says 7:15am. I don't feel like getting up today, because I'm so nervous about talking to Miss Pillsberry, but I have to do this. It's either now or never. I get up, take a quick shower, get dressed, and head out the door. I don't have time to waste to eat breakfast, so I hop into my truck, start it up, and drive off to school.

The drive to school is anything but peaceful. My palms are sweating. My stomach is in knots. This is just not going the way I imagined it.

I can't find anything on the radio, so I just decide to deal with my thoughts while I drive. Ugh. It feels like I'm driving 3 fucking hours to school. I just want to get there, get some advice, and go on with my day.

After five more minutes, I finally reach school. Thank God.

I get out of my truck, run inside school, and rush inside Miss Pillsberry's office. She's sitting at her desk, organizing some pamphlets, so I knock on the door. She looks somewhat startled when she looks up, but it fades into a wide smile.

"Noah! Hi!" She says.

"Hi Ms. Pillsberry. I was wondering if I could talk to you about something…if you're free…"

"Oh, of course, Noah! Please, have a seat!"

I shut the door behind me and take a seat. I set my book bag in the other chair and let out a sigh.