Always, Forever? Maybe.

It would be easier if he were dead

I hate myself the second the thought enters my brain. Hate myself for thinking it, and hate even more that it's true. Of course it's not true.

I swallow against the thickness building in my throat as I pull my bag up on my shoulder and walk towards my locker, ignoring everyone around me, what they're saying. I don't care what anyone thinks. I only care that Bee—

No. I can't even think his name. I have to focus on putting one foot in front of the other, on moving forward and making it through this minute, this hour, this day. Without him.

I blink to keep myself from crying and breaking down on the spot, I won't let myself break. I breathe in and try to force the sound of screeching tires and crashing metal out of my brain. He's still alive, I remind myself. He might wake up. He might forgive me. It's too many maybes.

"Hey, Nora," someone says. I keep walking. "Nor," she calls again. "That ring you wear— Is it from Bee ?" I stop, Turn, and stare.

Lilly and two of her spirit-squad clones stand in their game day uniforms of matching skirts and matching smirks, staring me up and down. I don't even remember what outfit I put on today, and I can't be bothered to check. I immediately bring my other hand to my finger to hide the ring from Lilly. I can't believe she just asked me that.

I'm not gonna give her the satisfaction of becoming visibly upset "yeah. It is" I manage. "Did your parents freak out ? Mine would flip," one of the girls says "you guys seem really cute together, though !" She tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and smiles at me. It hits me, she's not trying to be cruel.

Oh god, they don't know, how could they not have heard—

"Is he coming after school again?" Lilly said. She winks, fucking winks. I think I'm gonna be sick "no, he's not" Is all I can say without gagging

The third girl plays with her necklace and smiles "where did you even meet him? I need to find a guy like that" the other girls laugh.

I shake her words out of my head. I can't have this conversation. Can't pretend it's still ok, can't just pretend he's not gone, and can't pretend it's not my fault.

I turn around and run.