I know a fat old policeman
He's always on our street
A fat and jolly red-faced man
He really is a treat
He's too kind for a policeman
He's never known to frown
And everybody says he is
The happiest man in town.
A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Verse Two
He laughs upon point duty
He laughs upon his beat
He laughs at everybody
When he's walking in the street
He never can stop laughing
He says he's never tried
But once he did arrest a man
And laughed until he cried.
A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo... hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo hoo hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Verse Three
His jolly face was wrinkled
And then he shut his eyes
He opened his great mouth
It was a wondrous size
He said "I must arrest you"
He didn't know what for
And then he started laughing
Until he cracked his jaw.
A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ooo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Verse Four
So if you chance to meet him
When walking round the town
Just shake him by his fat old hand
And give him half a crown
His eyes will beam and sparkle
He'll gurgle with delight
And then you'll start him laughing
With all his blessed might
A ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo... ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo... hoo hoo ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ooo hoo hoo, oo hoo, ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Notes:
Verse One: "Policeman" should be pronounced "p'liceman" for the sake of the scansion.
