Wolves and Monsters

Why Can't a Girl Have Both?

There were human experiences that I wanted. I realized this with a start, followed by a sense of guilt and tinge of sadness.
I never thought I could ever want anything besides being immortal with Edward but the way they talked about being so...bloodthirsty was enough to make me realize that physically, I wanted to know what it would feel like to be with someone in an intimate way before, well, becoming a monster.
It seemed silly to say, but I didn't want to become a vampire as a virgin. It was a bit like dying and some ridiculous part of me was repulsed by the idea of my life ending without ever having sex.
Was it petty of me to desire this?
I laid on my bed, waiting for Edward to come through the window and my palms were slick with sweat at the thought of having this conversation again with him. He'd rejected me once before saying it was too dangerous. But maybe if I let him understand how important it was to me, really sell it, ya know?
I didn't have time to change my mind before I felt the swift breeze that was always followed by the soft voice of my own personal miracle.
"Hello Bella" he crooned, like a bit of poetry on his tongue.
"Hi" I rasped, annoyed at my own voice.
I met him with a kiss.
I surprised myself by keeping it short, casual.
I had things to say and I didn't want to be muddled and dizzy.
Edward caught on to my tactic with a confused grin,
"Well then, I see you mean business tonight. I'm all ears".
I hated when he seemed to read my mind even though he couldn't. What good was having this defect if it didn't really work?
I rolled my eyes, "Since you know everything already, maybe you could spare me the theatrics".
Edward sighed, "Feisty this evening, hm?"
I smiled at him, trying to reign in my nerves. I had a lot of good points to make tonight. I was ready, armed even.
"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I just..." I took a deep breath, "I wanted to talk to you about the boundaries of our relationship again."
Edward's eyes darkened but he didn't interrupt.
"I have been thinking, as you advised, about the things I want to experience as a human. And I think, no, I'm SURE of a few. Well, really just one."
Edward looked stoic, "I'm guessing it's  not Dartmouth?"
I shook my head, "No. It's more about...intimacy. Uh..."
I hated the word. I didn't want to say it but it was important to me to be very clear, "It's about...sex" I cringed.
Edward blinked, "Bella, we have already talked about this."
I held up a finger, "I know, I know, but I just wanted to stress how important it is to me. For you, waiting until marriage is important. But for me, well, not waiting is just as important. I guess it seems petty, but Renee always taught me not to ever get into a permanent relationship without...uh, trying things out. Ya know?"
Edward groaned, "What, you don't think you'll like it?"
This was getting off track quick, "No, no no. Not the point. It's just that marriage AND being a vampire are both so permanent. It's forever. And I really don't want to wait."
Edward covered his mouth with his fingers, resting his chin in his palm, a look of exasperation and was that embarrassment on his perfect face?
"Can I buy you some toys or something instead? Maybe it would help to get this out of your system..."
"EDWARD!"I nearly screamed and he shushed me so as not to wake Charlie.
I lowered my voice to a harsh whisper, "Edward this is NOT about that. I..."
He cut me off, "I'm sorry, I don't really know what I'm talking about. It was something Emmett said once and...nevermind"
I gaped, my mouth still open,  "So you're okay with me using a...a toy, but not just having sex with you?"
He looked sheepish, "I just want to help."
"Edward, I want a real human experience, not a toy." I ground out, angry at him now for not taking me seriously.
His eyes went soft, "Either way Bella, it wouldn't be a human experience. Have you realized that?"
I didn't understand.
He gave up and explained, "I'm not human. Even if I was very careful and managed not to kill you, I would *hurt*you Bella. I wouldn't mean to. It's out of my control. My body is...it's very hard and unforgiving. If I took you like you are in your soft and very breakable form it would be the farthest thing from a human experience for you."
I bit my lip.
I hadn't really thought of it realistically like that.
"It doesn't matter..." I began feebly.
"It does matter." He interrupted, "I want you to have that experience, truly I do, but I can't imagine how to help you without giving you leave to experience it with a real human instead of me."
I blinked, confused and struggling to understand what he was saying.
"Edward, I don't want anyone else but you!"
He smiled, "I know."
"So?" I cried, on the verge of shouting again, "What does that even mean? You want me to go have sex with someone else?"
Edward closed his eyes, "Not by any means, but..." he took a breath, "If it were to satisfy your desire, I would let you. I would make myself be okay with it for you."
I shook my head, feeling giddy and shocked, "That's crazy. I want to be with you. I want to give my self to you. I want my first time to be with someone I love!"
Unbidden, an image of Jacob entered my mind and I'd never been so grateful that Edward couldn't hear my thoughts.
I couldn't believe myself!
But my mind had already made the fantasy come alive and it flustered me to no end.
Edward saw my shift in emotions and stepped closer to me,
"All I'm saying is that if you want to, if there's someone you'd want to experience that with, I wouldn't hold it against you. And I know you don't need my permission, but if that's what you want, I am giving it to you now.
Be human, Bella. That's what I want most."
I wrapped my arms around him, "More than you want me forever?"
He growled softly, "Of course not. I always want you. I just don't want you to regret anything or miss out. I'll have to live with your regrets forever myself, and I could never forgive myself of it was because of me you didn't do what you wanted."
It was impossible. Absurd even, that he would be so gracious.
I had no plans on taking up his offer, but I understood how much strength and honesty it took to allow such a compromise.
I wondered then if I could do the same for him? What if he wanted a real vampire experience that I couldn't offer? Someone to be rough with and not worry about breaking.
I remembered Tania.
I knew she had to be painfully beautiful, and I wondered if she knew her way around the bedroom. She could offer him things I could not.
Would I be willing to make the same sacrifice for him?
Of course I felt jealous, but if we talked about it and worked through it, I could do that, right?
If it made him happy, if it made us both stronger together, I decided I definitely could.
I voiced my opinion and Edward held me tighter, hearing the sincerity in my words.
"I appreciate that, my love" he whispered, "I decline though, because I do plan on making you my vampire wife soon and letting you teach me a thing or two behind closed doors."
He spoke so eloquently, so sensual, it sent a shiver down my spine.
I looked up at him, "I accept that challenge, though I don't know if I'll be able to teach you more than your hundred years of knowledge could."
He laughed, pure and sweet and then pulled me into a seductive embrace, "Then you'll have to catch up" he whispered and kissed me.
.
That night I dreamed of Jacob.
I hated myself for it and even as I slept, I begged myself not to say anything out loud as I usually did. I didn't think Edward would enjoy hearing me talk about someone else, and especially the first night after our talk. I felt embarrassed my mind went straight to him.
If Jake knew, he'd never let me live it down. I hated his smug face, I could see it already.
But he was anything but smug in my dream.
He held me close and he was warm and...I was really glad Edward couldn't hear my dreams.
It wasn't that I didn't want Edward. I desperately wanted him, but I knew he was right. And the thought of something stone hard and ice cold between my legs didn't exactly stir the emotions in a pleasant way.
I knew I'd love it simply because it was Edward, but I was honestly scared. I had to admit that much to myself.
The next morning wasn't very fun, I woke up groggy from lack of sleep and terribly uncomfortable from feeling such desire all night. It left me with an unsatisfied ache.
That and the look on Edward's face told me I wasn't quiet at all.
I cringed but I faced him, "Good morning" I croaked.
Edward didn't look angry at least. Maybe even amused.
Now I needed to know.
"All right." I sighed, "How bad was it?"
Edward hid his burning gaze with a smile, "Let's just say, if I could help you, I'd satisfy every desire you're craving right now"
I felt his words directly as a throb in between my legs, his emotion was raw and I could almost taste it.
There was such electricity in the air suddenly.
"Oh?" I asked, a fierce blush on my face, "And what desires are those?"
He moved in close, so fast I didn't catch it, but he took my hands and pulled me to him, "You're so warm..." he spoke and it took me a moment to realize he was quoting me, "Please give me more. Jacob..."
I jerked away from him.
"That's not fair!" I cried, "I don't have any control over what I say in my sleep."
Edward shook his head, "I'm sorry, that wasn't kind of me. But you were talking about him all night."
I was beyond embarrassment at this point, I couldn't even see through my blush.
"Edward it's not like that..." I tried to argue but he held up his hands.
"I get it. Its okay." He spoke and just like that we were standing in silence.
"I know what I did to you when I left. And I know what he did for you. Go see him today."
I couldn't believe it.
The words were all wrong.
But here he was asking me to go see my friend.
"I have no intention of fu..." I began but Edward stopped me with a finger to my lips.
"I'm going hunting with Emmet today, I'd rather you stay with Jacob than be vulnerable here."
I glared at him. It felt like a trap.
"Fine" I conceded, "I'll go see him. For the day" I emphasized, "And I'll be home tonight. I would like to visit. To see my friend." I specified again more forcefully than necessary.
I wouldnt do it.
Edward was just being wierd and would get over this eventually.
And I...I would be fine living my life as a virgin. I didn't need anything else besides Edward's love.
I forced the building desire inside of me back to the depths where it came from and straightened my shoulders.
"Have fun hunting, okay?" I kissed him and Edward smiled, that lazy sort of side grin he gave me when he knew he was right and I was being stubborn.
Ugh.
Edward held me close, "I love you. Forever. Please be safe" now it was his turn to emphasize the word safe and I was annoyed he meant it in a different way than usual.
I rolled my eyes, "Go hunt" but then I added, "I love you too."
He kissed me, "Forever"
And I smiled back at him, "Forever" I reassured and he kissed me again with a fervor that left me breathless.
Damn him, I was just getting my emotions in control.
I would NOT let this burning get the best of me.
I should probably not go anywhere near Jacob, but I did really want to see him.
I was halfway to his house before the visions of last night's dream caught me off guard.
The aching desire I felt hit me like a burst of cold wind.
I almost closed my eyes against the wave of emotion but realized I was driving and definitely shouldn't do that.
Wait.
Maybe I should...
My mind wandered.
Maybe I should handle this feeling myself before it drowned me. Maybe if I just got a little pressure off that I wouldn't be such a mess when I got to Jake's.
I pulled over and checked to make sure I was the only one around.
Of course I was. This winding back road was almost always empty.
I felt stupid and even alone I was still blushing from the realization of what I was about to do in public.
I sighed and closed my eyes, giving in to the imagination just a little.
I pushed my hand into my pants, and gasped when I realized how wet I already was. I didn't think it was possible just from imagining it.
The tension with Edward had been so striking last night and today. I just needed a quick release...
My eyes flew open at the sensation between my legs. It had been so long since I'd touched myself. I was usually with Edward at night and had very little time to myself otherwise. I forgot it felt so good.
I pushed my middle finger inside and an involuntary gasp escaped my mouth as I stroked and pushed, my whole body going tense.
It wasn't going to take long.
I was close.
Suddenly a car drove by and I yelped, pulling my hand away in a start.
I groaned, annoyed.
I'd try again. 
I began to slide my hand into my jeans again but then I saw him.
Jacob.
He was running with his pack, headed towards his house. They were in human form but their stride was fast and it looked like they were racing.
I felt too awkward now to continue and with a sigh, I continued my drive.
I was irritated and heated by the time I got there. I was very wet and I was self conscious about the fact that my fingers now smelled of my own fluids.
I should have finished because now I was even more likely to make a bad decision.
Jake, of course made it to his house before I did and I saw him look out the window before flashing that grin and meeting me outside.
"Bella!" He cried, his smile melting away any sadness I had before coming here. But also doing new things to me. Since when did his sunny smile make my heart do little flips?
"Hi Jacob!"I called.
I hoped out of my truck and tried to step to greet him but the slick feeling between my legs when they rubbed together caught me off guard. It felt so good.
I stopped short and Jacob hesitated before grabbing me into a hug.
Being close to him.
Oh no.
This was bad.
Jacob looked at me, "What's wrong?" He asked and then my worst nightmare came true.
He sniffed.
His whole body went suddenly still.
He was like an animal, his hackles raised.
"Um...Bella?" He spoke as though he was confused by his own reaction.
I reached out a hand to touch his shoulder but realized too late it was the one I'd been using.
He caught my wrist and brought my hand to his nose.
I tried to pull away but he sniffed, his eyes going dark but his voice turned joking, "Ah, so your bloodsucker isn't getting the job done, huh?"
I groaned and pulled my hand away, "Shut up, that's not it at all".
Jacob laughed, his eyes and body still on edge.
"It doesn't seem that way to me. Or is my animal scent lying to me?" He tried to tease but I could tell the thought of me touching myself was doing a lot more to Jacob's self control than he'd let on.
And the idea that I was the one driving him wild was doing things to me too.
The air was electric and I hadn't even moved.
I couldn't stop the throbbing between my legs and suddenly I felt so foolish for coming here.
"Look, I shouldn't have come. I'm sorry. This is already out of hand."
Jacob's eyes widened, "No, please don't go. I'm sorry, I was rude. I shouldn't have said those things. It's just you surprised me is all."
I sighed, "Okay, okay. I'll stay. Um. Can I use your restroom?"
I hoped I could try and clean up and get my head straight but my heart was laughing at me.
I ignored it.
I started to walk and Jake was beside me.
I took a few steps and noticed his jaw was clenched and his fists were in tight balls by his side.
I didn't let myself ask.
We entered into the small house and immediately his nostrils flared, "Fuck, Bella can you please do something about that?"
He eyed my crotch and I blushed fire red.
He'd never sworn like that around me before either.
"I'm sorry, okay!" I cried, "I'm just...going through some stuff okay? Let me go...uh, take care of this."
Jacob burst out laughing, catching himself and covering his face with his hand, "Bella, are you about to go whack off in my bathroom?"
I punched his arm, "I am NOT going to...whack off.  Is that even a word?"
I was so embarrassed I didn't know what to say.
Jacob was howling now, clutching his sides dramatically, "Oh man, that's too good. Your bloodsucker can't even take care of you so you have to drive all the way here for some privacy just to rub one out".
"Ugh! That's not what's going on here okay!" I yelled, "You're so immature!"
He laughed and then made a serious face, "I could take care of that for you quick. Or as slow as you like" he said with a wink. 
He always made jokes like that but this time my breath caught in my throat and I caught myself before I let a moan escape.
Then he added, "Since the vampire clearly doesn't know what he's doing..."
I'd had it.
"Jake, Edward and I don't have sex okay? We...we can't" I was flushed and breathless.
Jake raised his eyebrows, "I mean, I get that but he does, you know, take care of you, right?"
For some reason that comment found its mark.
He didn't.
Edward wouldn't touch me. Not even once had he offered to use a finger or his mouth. He'd probably make up an excuse about venom.
I looked down.
Jacob was now suddenly angry, "He doesn't even help you cum?" I was too shocked by the words Jacob was saying to feel the heat behind them.
"Like, no toys? No mutual masturbation?? Nothing??"
I gritted my teeth, "It really is none if your business."
Jacob shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair.
"Bella, that really, really sucks for you" he sounded sad.
I looked at him now and shrugged, "Its to keep me safe."
He was suddenly closer, and I backed into the wall. I couldn't be this close. I'd do something stupid. It was right there too, within my grasp. Edward even gave me his blessing.
All it would take is one word. One movement from me and Jacob would pounce.
I held very still.
He blinked, realizing I was so affected by his proximity.
He stepped even closer and I felt like I would die if he didn't touch me.
"Bella..."he whispered and I could feel his breath on my neck, hot and sensual.
I was so aroused it was painful.
I bit my lip and looked up at him through my lashes. I was hoping he wouldn't make me say it.
He was breathing heavy now, and he cautiously leaned forward, his lips mere inches from mine.
"I could give you release. It doesn't have to be anything else. Just let me touch you."
I weighed his words in my head.
If I could just feel his touch, that would be enough wouldn't it?
No harm done.
I nodded.
Jacob gasped as though he was surprised I agreed. He looked at me, his eyes wide and searching.
I nodded again and I could tell how much he strained not to lose control. His whole body vibrated from the tension and I bit my lip against the raw desire that he was fighting against.
His hands found my waist and began to unbutton my pants.
There was nothing but the sound of our controlled breathing and the soft zing of my zipper being undone.
He was trying to go slow. Trying to reign in his passion and I was trying desperately not to ask him to let go.
He looked at me once again before sliding his hands into my pants just to make sure he wasn't dreaming.
When his fingers found my folds there was a groan from me, and he shoved me against the wall with a solid thump,
"Fuck...Bella you're so wet" his voice was anguish and torture. And I was lost in it.
He was no longer gentle as he pushed his finger inside of me, the sounds that escaped my mouth didn't even sound human anymore. It was just a simple touch, nothing more but I was coming undone.
I should feel embarrassed that he could make me scream like that with just his hand but I didn't care.
I'd never felt anything like it.
"Shhhh, Bella, you're gonna alert the whole neighborhood!" He chuckled but his voice was husky and raw.
I tried to be quiet but he was so good at this. It was unbelievable. I was already so close to release.
I wanted it to last. I didn't want him to stop.
He moaned as he felt me push against his fingers, rocking myself against him, shamelessly getting my fill.
He whispered in my ear, "Cum for me, Bella" and I was so shocked by his demand that I didn't have a choice but to comply.
My eyes widened as I felt myself climax, hard and unforgiving. I tried to stop my scream but I couldn't. Jacob pushed me again against the wall and crushed his mouth to mine to keep me quiet. I latched on to him and kissed him back, shocking him more than anyone.
He kept pushing his finger in and out of me and I could hear the sound it made because I was so drenched.
And now I knew I couldn't be satisfied with just his touch.
I needed more.
I demanded it.
I pushed myself against him, aggressively gripping his shirt.
I tried to pull off his tshirt, my hands grazing his warm, firm chest.
He suddenly pulled away, "Shit, Bella...stop. What are you doing?"
I stood, gasping and still shaking from my orgasm.
"I...I want you" I said, my voice sounded shaky and foreign.
Jacob closed his eyes, he was still panting and vibrating too.
"You don't know how long I've wanted to hear you say that."
I stepped closer, "Then what's the problem?"
Jacob sighed, "As much as I hate myself for stopping you, I also don't want to have to kill your vampire boyfriend."
I bit my lip, a giggle bubbling up and escaping my mouth.
"Come here" I said, and led him to the couch.
"Sit" I demanded and he was too stunned to object.
I jumped on him, straddling him, and surprised myself by realizing he was hard and I could feel him straining through his shorts.
"You'll never believe me, but I have permission." I crowed, victorious.
Jacob wouldn't ever reject me.
He would never have any objections about taking my virtue.
He would fuck me the way I deserved it.
Jacob squinted but when I pulled my shirt off over my head and tossed it, any questions he might have had were gone.
"Bella, don't play with me" he said, suddenly still.
I looked down at him, "I'm not. I'm here because I want you. Physically. Like this."
I leaned in and kissed him but he was holding back, "I'm just afraid I won't be able to stop once I let go. Are you sure you want this?" He moaned.
I needed him to understand how much I wanted this.
I closed the space between us and gently nibbled his earlobe, "I was wet when I got here because of you. It's because I was thinking about you."
And that's all it took.
He growled and pulled me into a fierce kiss. And for a second when he flipped me onto my back on the couch, I was scared.
He was trembling all over and I was afraid he would shift by accident and hurt me, but his mouth found my neck and he kissed me, then he bit me and I jerked my body toward him, convulsing under the sheer pleasure that flowed through me.
"I'm sorry" he panted, "I don't have great control over myself"
"Good" I whispered and cried out as he reacted to my words and  pushed his body against mine. I felt every hardened plane, every degree of heat, and I felt his length press between my legs, hard and ready.
Jacob quickly removed his shirt and helped me take off my bra.
It should have made me feel awkward to be exposed but with Jacob, it was just warm and comfortable.
He groaned and took my nipple into his mouth and I felt the sucking sensation there and in my folds. It was so good.
He pulled back and was then pulling off my jeans.
This was it.
It was really happening.
He got on his knees and pulled my legs off the couch to the side and knelt between my legs.
I thought he was going to take my underwear off for better access but he pushed his face into them, breathing in my scent.
I bit my lip and he moved my panties to the side.
"What are you..." but I couldn't finish my words because I felt his tongue slip through and begin to lap at my pussy.
I let out an embarrassing sound and gripped the couch with all my force. This was something else.
Something I had not thought of.
He licked me, exploring every inch and making me squirm and scream as he tasted every drop.
At one point I worried about staining the couch with my juices, but I stopped caring when he inserted a finger at the same time he was licking me.
I barely had time to enjoy the sensation before I came so hard I lost vision. 
I don't know if I was screaming or falling silently through space, but it was unmistakably the best thing in my life.
I couldn't imagine anything better than that, I was panting and writhing under his touch.
I had to grab his hair and pull hard to get him to understand I needed a minute.
He pulled away and I bit my lip against the rush of feelings as I watched him wipe his mouth with the back of his hand. He caught me watching and he ever so sensually licked my wetness off his own hand and sent me a wink that got my pussy awakened again.
I rolled my eyes at him and he grinned before giving me one more deliberate lick making me cry out.
His eyes were a storm and I wished I had Edward's power to read his mind right now.
He leaned forward and brought his mouth to mine, letting me taste myself on his tongue.
I didn't expect that to be so hot either.
"I can't wait anymore" he breathed, his chest heaving, "Can I take you now?"
I couldn't believe this was happening, it felt like such a wet dream.
"Yes" I replied and wiggled out of my panties.
Jacob growled as he took in the sight of me soaked and naked, I thought he would devour me then and there but he spoke instead, "Lay back on the couch. It will be easier that way."
I did as he said and felt a bit of panic rising as I realized I was about to really do this.
Jake pulled his shorts off, he wasn't even wearing any boxers, just the shorts and I was about to make a joke about it being some wolfy thing but my eyes caught on the hard and quite large member protruding from him.
Oh.
I blinked and couldn't fathom how it was supposed to fit inside of me when Jacob laughed, "Is mine bigger?" He smirked.
And I closed my mouth with a snap, my cheeks reddening.
"Oh, right. I bet he hasn't even shown you his"
I contemplated putting my clothes back on just to mess with him but Jacob saw me eyeing my shirt and he quickly apologized, "Sorry, sorry, come here."
He approached me, that hungry look in his eyes again and sat next to me.
"Are you absolutely sure this is okay?" he asked again. 
I nodded, "Yes, I'm sure. I...I really want this Jake. There are so many human experience I want to have. So many things to try and feel. I want them to be with you."
Jacob bit his lip, "No strings?"
I sighed, "I guess I should have been clearer before I took my clothes off."
I instantly felt so guilty. Horrible even.
Here I was about to lose my virginity to Jacob and I hadn't even clarified it would be a one time thing. Just today I'd let myself go and then I could agree to anything Edward asked before becoming like him.
Before becoming a vampire.
I touched Jacob's arm, "I'm sorry, we can stop if you want."
Jacob's head snapped up, his eyes on fire, "Are you kidding me?" He cried, "And pass up the only chance I'll probably ever have to be this close to you?"
I smiled at him and he shook his head, "I know I'm an idiot for this, but let me have the satisfaction of having something Edward never will."
I bit my lip as he trailed his callused finger down my chest, spreading his hand over my stomach and running his hand down, down, to cup my sex.
I groaned as he slid another finger inside of me.
He kissed me then, tenderly and warm and I felt the heat simmer throughout my whole body.
He bent his finger in a hard come hither motion and I cried out against his mouth, bucking my body off the couch and involuntarily grabbing at his skin.
He groaned and kept playing with me and kissing me while he adjusted his position to be over the top of me.
He pulled away from my lips and brushed his hand against my cheek,
"I'll try and take it easy, okay?"
I nodded because words had left me as I felt the tip of him touch the outside of my wetness.
He pushed, guiding his penis into me and I grunted at the way it felt going in.
I was very wet so it wasn't too difficult but he filled me up and I didn't realize I was biting my lip so hard it hurt.
Jacob stopped moving and I looked up at him.
He touched my lip with his thumb, coaxing me to relax it and I did, licking my bottom lip.
He kissed me again, and fully sheathed himself inside of me.
There was so much pressure and it was mildly uncomfortable for a minute but he began to move and I felt like I was losing all control as he made me feel things I couldn't have even imagined.
It was bliss. It was impossible pleasure. I couldn't wrap my head around it.
"Shhhhh, Bella, honey" he groaned and I realized I was screaming quite loudly.
"S...sorry" I tried to say but he pushed into me and I couldn't help myself, I was losing myself in him. I was so sure this was the best thing that had ever happened to me.
Jacob was struggling to take it slow, and I shivered at the sounds he made as his cock swam in my wetness, I wound my fingers into his hair and lifted up to kiss him.
He groaned and our eyes met, I wondered if mine were as bright and full of emotion as his were. It was a look I'd never forget.
"Bella," he panted, "I'm..."
He closed his eyes and let out a long moan, pumping into me in quick, jerking motions.
He stilled and I lay there, watching his face contort with pleasure.
"Shit..." he cursed, "I'm sorry...I..."
He pulled out and I grunted at the sudden vacancy.
His cock hung, spent and glistening and I smiled.
"What are you sorry for?" I felt embarrassed that I didn't understand. It had been wonderful, I wanted more.
Jacob shook his head, "You're so sexy"
I'd never been called that before and I snorted, "Uh, thanks?"
Jacob ran his hands through his hair, "I have imagined this for so long, but I thought I could control myself longer than that"
I saw he was blushing.
"I'm embarrassed, just give me a second."
I nodded and smiled again, I'd just had sex with Jacob Black.
I marveled at the sensation between my legs and felt my body pulse and vibrate. I really wanted more.
I sat up and got on my knees, "That was, kind of the best thing that ever happened to me, you know."
Jacob laughed, taking a deep breath, "You have no idea"
"I...oh!" I stopped short as fluid dripped from me, splashing on the couch with a soft sound.
"Fuck, Bella that's hot" Jake groaned.
I felt embarrassed but he was getting hard again.
"Come here" he said.
I crawled to him, my body trembling and he pulled me into his lap.
"Why don't you take a ride this time?" and kissed me.
He was already stiff again under me and I nodded, climbing onto his cock.
"Ah, yes" he whispered as I slid down him inch by inch, crying out at the sensation.
"I don't know what to do" I admitted as I reached the bottom. 
Jacob grabbed my hips, "Move like this" and he showed me how to grind my body against him, lifting up and sliding back down.
I rested my hips in his hands and he lifted me and plunged into me effortlessly.
This position was a completely different sensation, I leaned against his chest, the heat of his body felt so good against my tender nipples and I rubbed them across his skin.
He hissed as I gyrated my hips and moaned, and I felt powerful knowing I could make him feel as good as he made me feel.
I felt pressure building inside of me as I rode him, it felt so wonderful I began to chase that sensation. I wanted to cum.
I grabbed his hands and moved them to my waist and he held me as I rocked back and forth, his cock pressing against all the right places and my clit rubbed against him.
"Oh, oh...Jake..." I cried out his name as I came hard and unforgiving around his cock.
"Shit, Bella...yes" he gripped me tight as I rode him until I was spent.
I was still rolling in fields of bliss when he suddenly pulled out and had me flipped over on my knees.
"What are you...?" I didn't finish the sentence before I felt him push into me from behind.
Everything I'd experienced before was one thing, but this was another game entirely.
Jacob was wild now, his control slipping.
I could feel his powerful force as he slammed into me, making me scream.
One hand was around my waist, and one hand was now in my hair as he pulled back my head and fucked me relentlessly.
My mouth was open and my eyes rolling back as I gasped for air in great hiccuping sobs of pleasure.
It was intense, more than anything I could have imagined but this is what I had always imagined sex with Jacob would be like.
Rough and unhinged.
It hurt and I loved it.
Edward was always so gentle with me, so careful, it felt wonderful to have someone let loose for once. To know that he trusted me enough to handle the pain.
"More" I urged and I heard him gasp.
He was slamming into me so hard, my eyes were watering. It was such a rush to let go completely and feel the surge of adrenaline coursing through me. It was bordering fear when his hand slipped around my throat and he squeezed the sides.
That was all it took for me and I felt my body snap to attention, ready to orgasm. I was so close!
His powerful body consuming me and the dizzying affect of his control left me unable to think of anything but pleasure.
"Come for me, Bella" he groaned and I liked it so much I obliged.
Spasms racked my body and I came so hard I saw stars, dazzling and beautiful reminding me of Edward's smooth skin in the sunlight.
The skin of a killer.
And yet, he would never do this to me.
I felt shame at that thought.
But it was true, Edward would never take me the way Jacob now did because he was afraid of hurting me. Maybe one day when I was a vampire, but not as breakable as I am now.
Not human.
Jacob let go of my throat and I coughed, gasping as he clenched my hips with both hands and kept going.
"Do you want me to cum inside you?" He ground out, his voice excited and trembling.
Ah, the sound of him during sex was unbearably delicious.
"Yes, please" I blurted out without a second thought.
He roared and I felt him tense as he spilled into me.
I realized then that he had cum quickly the first time and I didn't know why, but that made me feel a bit proud even though he had seemed embarrassed.
The idea that I had made him cum not once, but twice was terribly exciting and I gave in to my body and lapsed into an orgasm one more time.
He moaned when he felt me squeezing around his cock, and I felt that sense of joy again knowing that he found me a capable partner.
I don't know how but I wanted more, and more again.
I loved the hot, instinctual way he handled me and didn't mind being a little rough.
He pulled out and I collapsed, knees shaking onto the couch.
Jacob sat back with a loud whoosh.
"Wow, Bella...that...just wow."
I couldn't even move to roll over. I was already sore and my body was vibrating.
Jacob leaned over me, the heat from his body nearly unbearable, and brushed the hair from my face. His hand trailed over my back and down my body leaving me alert and yearning for his touch.
I made the effort to roll over and Jake soothed me, "You don't have to move, it's okay"
I smiled up at him, my eyes half closed, "I'm fine"
Jacob was beaming, "Oh, I'm more than fine." He looked over my body, "Are you okay? Feeling good?"
I was slipping away, my body floating in a cloud of bliss, but I nodded "I'm...so...good."
Jacob chuckled, "Bella, you can't sleep here. My dad will be home soon."
But all I remember was giving in to the sleep that called me and the heat that washed over me when he lifted me in his arms to carry me to his room.
When I woke up, I was wearing a t-shirt and snuggled under the fluffiest blanket I'd ever felt.
I stretched and felt my body protest, but I felt good.
It was a nice kind of sore, like how you feel after a nice hike. Or how I imagined that would feel, obviously I didn't hike. I pictured myself falling off a cliff to my death.
Even Edward couldn't protect me from the mess that would come of such an endeavor.
Crap! Edward!
I shot up and searched for my phone.
I found it on the night stand and frantically grabbed it, the glass of water and ibuprofen bottle didn't escape my notice either.
I saw I had no missed calls and I was honestly surprised.
How was he being so cool about this? There was no way he really meant it and it made me feel awful.
I found my clothes somewhat folded on the floor as if Jacob tried but was so used to not wearing clothes that he wasn't quite sure what to do with them.
I smiled and put them on.
I was lacing my boots when Jacob entered, closing the door behind him.
"So I told my dad you came over to study, and that you fell asleep. I think he's suspicious though."
I bit my lip, "Would it be weird if he knew?"
Jacob blew out a breath, "What, that I am sexually active? No. But fucking a Cullens girlfriend on his couch? Uh, maybe...as in definitely."
I cringed, "Yeah that's awkward."
Jacob sighed, "Worth it" he said dreamily.
I playfully punched his arm, "Okay, okay, calm down."
He looked hurt and I smiled, "It was pretty amazing though."
He grinned now and leaned in to kiss me.
I let him.
He was just as warm and breathtaking as always, and with that kiss I realized how much I could never be as happy without him.
He was absolutely my best friend, and now we had shared a new bond and it was really great.
Jacob and I made it to my truck unseen and luckily avoided any unnecessary parent interaction.
"Will you come see me again?" Jacob all but pleaded as he leaned into the window after I'd climbed inside the truck.
"Jake, I'll always come see you. Nothing can stop that. Edward has been really cool about this and I hope we can all figure something out. He knows you're important to me and that's why he can let me be with you too." I smiled as the words came from my mouth. I knew they were true. I knew Edward would do anything for me and seeing me happy made him happy. I knew then that I would do the same for him. We could make this work.
Jacob kissed me again, quickly this time but the warmth lingered on my mouth.
"Tell your bloodsu...Edward I said thank you. I guess." He rolled his eyes but he was radiating joy and gratitude.
I touched his cheek, "I will. Thank you."
I drove home with a feeling of joy, and love in my heart. It was difficult at first not to feel guilty or to feel like I'd done something wrong, but I reassured myself that Edward really was okay.
When I got home I was vibrating with anticipation and also felt a little glad he couldn't read my mind. I definitely wasn't ready to share everything that happened with him. That was for me.
I said hi to Charlie and he waved and turned the volume of the game up.
I opened the door to my room expecting him to be waiting. Would he look nervous, worried even? But he wasn't there.
I saw a note on my bed though and a single rose laid with it.
I hurriedly opened the letter and my heart soared just to see his elegant script.
"Bella," it read, "I hope today brought you happiness and served as a reminder that being human isn't all bad. I'll see you soon."
He even drew a little heart.
I smiled at his words, and gathered my stuff to take a shower so I could hopefully wash some of the werewolf smell off me.
As I showered I checked my body for bruises or anything, hoping I looked okay so Edward wouldn't freak out.
I had some red marks near my hips but otherwise I was in good shape.
It was when my hand rubbed against my pussy I stopped and realised we hadn't used protection.
Oh man THAT'S what Edward meant by be safe.
I cringed and knew he would be able to scent it on me.
I pushed my finger inside and tried to clean out as much of his cum as I could.
I was really squishy and full.
The thought of it made me throb and feel the desire to be with him again. 
I wouldn't be so reckless next time.
I got dressed and headed back to my room.
When I opened the door, Edward was there.
I felt immediate calm, and my heart skipped a beat just seeing his beautiful face.
He was seated on my bed and I rushed to him, "Edward!"
He smiled and wrapped his arms around me.
I felt so comforted and loved in that moment, it made my chest ache.
I knew I needed to be honest right away, no matter how awkward.
"So..." I pulled back and saw his face was open and inquiring, so I continued, "I kiiiiind of just realized what you meant by being safe and..."
Edward cringed a bit, "You let him...?" he trailed off and I nodded.
"I just forgot, I'm sorry. It was kind of...well, it just didn't come up."
Edward sighed, "I had a feeling the two of you would be reckless. I'll be right back"
He picked me up off his lap and laid me on the bed.
He was out the window in a flash.
He didn't seem angry, maybe just disappointed that I was already making bad decisions. I guess we should have made some better rules. Next time though, right? I said to myself.
He was back again and handed me a small white box.
"Plan B?" I looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.
Edward nodded, "You're human still, remember? And while we don't know how Jacob's reproductive structure works, I'm pretty sure you don't want to find out after only exploring that once."
I was blushing violently but hearing him talk about Jake and I made me feel a little hot.
It was sexy, I heard myself think it in Jacob's voice.
He handed me a glass of water and I took the small pill that was inside the box.
"Thank you, I won't do that again." I ducked my head and he brushed back the hair from my face.
"Please don't." He was gentle, "I can handle a lot of things but imagining you pregnant with his child isn't one of them at the moment. Let me get used to this idea for a while."
I fought back emotion, I was really, really happy.
"You're amazing" I whispered, "And I want you to know I definitely can do the same for you. I wouldn't mind if you wanted to be with a vampire. However you want to."
Edward smiled, "I'll keep that in mind, but I just want to see you happy."
I laid back on the bed, "I am. Thank you so much. I really had fun."
I sat up a bit and he was back on the bed.
"So let's talk boundaries and rules, yeah?" I asked.
Edward nodded, "That sounds like a smart plan."
Over the next hour we delved into discussions that were really awkward at first, but he was patient and cool through all my flustered questions. That was until I mentioned one thing.
"Sooo, is it against your 'no sex rule' to, um..." I was too embarrassed to say it, so I pointed between my legs, "You know, use your mouth?"
Edward was completely caught off guard, "I...my what?"
I stared at him and even though he couldn't blush I felt his tension.
"Well, you know. Like, you don't have to put it inside me, if that's too much of a risk, but maybe we could try your mouth? Or maybe a finger?"
Edward was stunned into silence as though he had never even considered it.
"I don't...I think that..." he stammered.
Edward Cullen stammered.
I couldn't believe it.
I felt a sense of pride at being the first person in all his years as a vampire to catch him off guard like that.
I giggled and he looked down, "I'm sorry, I'm sure it seems silly to you, but I don't really understand what you're asking."
I stopped laughing when the force of that he was saying hit me.
Oh.
I knew Edward was a virgin but I assumed in his hundred years of living that he would have at least been curious enough to Google some things?
"Oh no I wasn't laughing at you, it was another thought I had, but that's not important".
Edward rolled his amber eyes, "Still frustrating that I can't read what that thought was, my curiosity is going to kill me now."
I sighed, "Well, satisfaction did bring the cat back."
Edward smirked, pleased that I knew the rest of the saying.
"But again, not the point. So this is awkward. And I can explain it, or if it's too weird for me to say it, you can Google it. I know you know how to do that. I learned some very interesting things about adrenaline because of you."
Edward laughed at the memory, "Okay, okay, I'll do some research."
I stared at his dazzling smile and couldn't believe he really had no idea.
"You really haven't ever been curious about anything sexual?"
Edward lowered his lashes, "I suppose I have, but I always thought it was something I'd never have so I denied myself the knowledge. I told myself if I was ignorant then I wouldn't be as tempted."
I bit my lip, "Were you right?"
He shook his head, "Not with you."
When he looked at me his eyes were intense and I caught my breath, immobilized by his beauty.
"Will you kiss me?" I asked.
His lopsided grin made my heart leap and he leaned forward, closing the gap between us.
No matter how many times he kissed me, it always gave me the same butterflies right before our lips touched.
"I was hoping you'd ask" he crooned in his velvety voice.
I melted into him and felt my insides stir as he kisses me with more passion than he had in a while.
I felt him slipping a bit when his tongue slipped between my lips.
I gasped and clenched my thighs against the throb I felt, but tried to pul him closer.
He pulled back and sighed, "I'm sorry, I got carried away."
I was breathless and frustrated that I couldn't have him all over me.
Hot flashbacks to earlier left me even more vulnerable to my emotions and all I wanted was to feel like that again.
"Don't be sorry. It's always my favorite thing to kiss you."
Edward smiled, but it was sad.
"I have a confession" he looked up at me from under those lashes and I already knew I'd forgive him for anything.
He pressed his forehead on my shoulder, "I'm jealous" he said, "It was more difficult than I thought letting you go, but I am glad I did. I know it's the right thing and I want you to be happy. But I want you too, you know."
There it was.
It was like I was waiting for him to say it.
I didn't feel afraid though, I felt glad that he chose to communicate with me.
"Edward, you know I love you. I'm here. I won't ever leave you, even if you never want to have sex with me, it wont make me love you less. You understand that right?"
He nodded but I couldn't see his face.
He was being vulnerable with me and I cherished it.
I ran my fingers through his hair, "Thank you for telling me how you feel. Whatever I can do to help you feel loved and safe, let me know."
He looked up at me, his eyes shining and nodded, "You really are the most amazing human."
I could die from happiness to hear him say that.
"You protect my body, I'll protect your heart." I said, half joking, but really I meant it. He kept me safe all the time, and I couldn't physically save him from any danger, but I would do my absolute best to protect his heart and to keep it for him. I wanted to be his safe place. I wanted to be someone he could be soft with.
He hugged me, and I kissed his cheek.
"You have all of my heart" he whispered, "I want your heart to be safe too."
I nodded and yawned.
"Get some rest" Edward sang as he laid me down in the bed. A quick dash and the lights were out. He laid next to me and I curled up around the blanked he wrapped himself in, happy to be so close.
I was so full and so happy I could cry as Edward held me close and hummed my lullaby.
It didn't take long before I drifted off to sleep, exhausted even after my nap at Jacob's.
I knew everything was going to be just fine.
.
When I woke up the next day, I was still sore but I opened my eyes smiling.
I had lost my virginity yesterday to my best friend and it left me feeling so good.
I couldn't lie and say I didn't want more,  already I was feeling my heart race at the thought.
Edward chuckled next to me, "I can hear your heartbeat, have some exciting dreams?"
I hated that I was so effected by my thoughts, but I was glad we could bring up the subject.
I was hoping we could bend some rules today.
"Not dreams I can remember, but I do have some things on my mind" I grinned up at him and he returned the smile.
"Give me one human moment and I'll  be right back" I asked.
He nodded and I rushed to brush my teeth and comb through my hair. A quick splash of cool water on my face and I was ready.
I returned to Edward and he was still lazing on the bed, arms folded neatly across his stomach.
"So," I began, crawling towards him on the bed, "Did you think about what I asked you last night?".
Edward raised his eyebrows, "So eager to jump back into it, huh?"
I smirked at him, "I am human after all"
He grabbed my hand and placed it against his chest, "Whatever you want to ask, I will listen."
"Okay, so, if you are afraid of hurting me and don't think it's a good idea to have sex, can we try other things? Like, maybe start with using your hands or maybe I can use my mouth?"
Edward shifted uncomfortably, "I *think* that would be okay, but again, I'm worried if I get carried away I could still injure you."
I bit my lip,"Well, will you let me try something?"
Edward hesitated, "Promise if I ask you to stop that you will?"
I nodded, my whole body tense with desire and realization that I had no idea what I was doing but I wanted to try and put him in my mouth. I knew enough about the concept to try it I thought.
Plus, I just really wanted to see what it looked like, I couldn't imagine it being cold after feeling how warm Jake had been inside of me. 
I was a pit of flames now as I leaned in to kiss Edward.
I wanted to devour him, to let go and allow my emotions to take over, but I knew I had to take it slow.
Our lips met and I knew he could hear how aroused I was in my heartbeat and I wondered if he could smell me the way Jacob had.
I'm sure he could. All this time I had gotten wet from our physical contact and he never said anything to me. I bet it was difficult for him to resist.
That made me feel confident and proud.
I deeped the kiss and let my hands roam down his chest, feeling his marble skin under my fingers.
I grabbed his hand and brought it up to my breast and he groaned through the kiss.
I would have paid any sum of money to have that audio recorded so I could play it back again and again and lose myself in its sound.
I would never tire of it.
He didn't move much, and I knew he was struggling to keep control.
The knowledge that he wanted desperately to fuck me and also to kill me and drink my blood was something that always lived in my mind.
Why was that hot?
I'd ponder that later.
Now I was too concentrated on figuring out how this whole thing worked.
I wanted it to be amazing for him. I wanted to blow his mind but I was nervous.
My hand was trembling as I brought it lower and lower.
To my surprise and glee, he was hard beneath my hand and even through his pants I could feel the chill of his skin.
I immediately had so many questions about how sex worked for vampires it almost ruined the mood, but I locked away my inquisitive mind for now even though I was sure it wanted answers that I couldn't Google.
I pulled away from the kiss and Edward's eyes were raging flames, it burned me to look at him.
He was fighting so hard and I shivered at the reality that I could face my death at any time.
I pulled the zipper down and freed his cock from the confines of those khaki trousers that always aroused me, and marveled at the beauty of it.
It was cold, icy even, and glittered gently in the lamp light.
"Can...can I?" I stuttered, getting on my knees.
Edward nodded, sharply and without sound. His movements were jerky and tense.
"Be very still" I asked him, "I've always wanted to try this."
And before my nerves could check me, I slipped the head of his popsicle cock in my mouth.
It really did feel like that, as though I was sliding an icicle into my mouth.
It was wonderful!
Immediately Edward was groaning, his body deathly still but I could imagine the battle he raged inside. Not only did my blood sing to him, but this was his first sexual experience ever and now my body sang to him too.
I sucked and sucked, hoping I was doing a good job when he whimpered again, the only indication that I had.
His cock began to warm in my mouth as I sucked him, and I knew it had to feel so good. Like holding cold hands over a fire.
Edward grabbed my hair, unexpectedly jerking deeper into my throat as he did so.
I gagged but recovered and felt like a champ, moaning and feeling my lips vibrate against the thickness of him.
Oh, he liked that.
His cock throbbed and he groaned, "I feel...I think..."
He gasped as he exploded into my mouth.
I'd never heard Edward make such a strangled, and ecstatic cry and that sound would also live in my mind forever. Knowing I was his undoing, it made me realize how wet I was and how much this turned me on.
I swallowed his fluids and they tasted so good I wondered if that was the norm. It made me want more!
I kept sucking him until he stopped shaking and moaning, and gently pulled me away.
He immediately dragged me into his arms, breathless even though he didn't need to breathe, his skin seeming warmer than usual too.
I snuggled into his chest as he held me, "Bella, that was..." he sighed, for once at a loss for words "...incredible. Effervescent. Exquisite".
I smiled, triumphant. 
"Are you hurt at all?" He asked.
I shook my head, my thighs were now slick with my own wetness, but I didn't want to rush him or make him feel like he had to do anything in return, but it was all I could think about.
I wanted him so desperately.
"You're..." he went still again, "You're aroused." It wasn't a question. I knew he could smell it.
I nodded, still unsure of what to say.
Edward was thoughtful for a moment before rolling me off of him and laid me face up on the bed.
Just the sight of him above me sent my heart into a race. I had never wanted anything so much.
"May I try and reciprocate?" He asked, licking his lips ever so slightly and I almost missed it.
Almost.
Another image I would hold on to forever.
"Yes, yes of course!" I rushed to speak before he changed his mind.
Edward smiled, "I think it's acceptable if I at least try. I know it won't be the same for you, but I will do my best."
I couldn't even think clearly, I just nodded again, feeling like I could cum right now just from looking at him.
He helped me pull my pajamas bottoms off and I trembled at the cool touch of his hands.
He hesitated before pulling my underwear off and sighing with pleasure as he took in the full scent of me. He looked at me, his lips parted, and uttered the most beautiful words I've ever heard.
"I want you so badly, Bella Swan."
My body throbbed and I bit my lip, "You can have as much of me as you want."
He was fading in his control and I knew I was playing with fire, but I couldn't stop now.
He leaned in close and I felt his breath on my thighs.
"The scent of you like this actually covers the scent of your blood a good amount." He whispered.
"Oh, uh, good? I mean, you don't want to eat me?" I squeaked, embarrassed. 
He caught my eye with a dead sexy stare, "Don't misunderstand me, Miss Swan" and he sent his tongue into my folds with a delighted moan, as if I was the most decadent dessert.
I arched into his mouth, barely containing myself as my brain malfunctioned for a moment as he devoured me in a way I didn't quite anticipate.
He was ravenous and yet naturally skilled.
Perhaps he had done some research as I slept, but it was undoubtedly well done.
He licked and licked, sucking me and keeping a steady rhythm that had me so close to the edge already.
Then he surprised me by slipping his finger inside of me, pressing and stroking my g-spot.
What happened next was a blur, but I remember completely losing it and screaming as I came so hard around his finger and watched in awe as my own body squirted fluids in every direction, soaking both my bed and Edward.
I was too busy soaring in ecstasy to be embarrassed by it, and Edward looked more than pleased with himself for how well he'd done.
I couldn't even breathe, much less find the words to thank him. That's what I felt like doing; falling to my knees and worshiping him. That was really something else. I didn't even know I could do that! It felt unlike anything I'd ever experienced. I was then a little upset that he knew how to do it to me on his first try and I hadn't even thought to attempt it.
I really should Google things more often.
I laid back, the ceiling spinning and I knew I could die happy right here.
He'd given me more than enough and had been gracious to try, much less succeed the way he had.
I still felt like singing his praises.
I looked up to see Edward struggling very hard to keep still and I saw his eyes were closed.
"Are you...are you okay?" I whispered.
He hesitated but eventually nodded, "I  need your patience for a moment. Your scent, plus the taste in my mouth..." he groaned and it was feral and more animalistic than anything.
It frightened me.
I sat up, "Should I put my clothes on?"
He laughed, hard and humorless, "You think clothes could stop me if I wanted you badly enough?"
I began to tremble, "Edward, stop. You're scaring me"
His eyes flew open and there was torment there. Pain so hot it burned me.
He shook his head, "Fogrive me, Bella. I am weak. I know I need some space but I can't find the strength to leave you right now."
I wanted so desperately to soothe him, to hold him and tell him it was okay, but I knew it would make it harder for him so instead I skirted around him to the window and opened it, letting the cool breeze mingle with the scent of my fluids, easing the tension.
"You don't have to leave, but if you need to, I understand. I'd rather not be eaten tonight" I blushed, "Well, not like that."
He was unwinding now, a smile on his lips.
"Thank you" he crooned, "I don't want to hurt you...I never wanted you to see me this weak."
I attempted to step closer and he jerked to attention, "Not yet."
He stepped to the window, "In fact, I do need a minute. I'll admit weakness before I let my stubbornness harm you."
And with that he was gone, just a blur in the lamplight.
I admit I felt hurt by his departure but I was glad he was honest enough with me to admit that he needed time. He was so much stronger than even I'd hoped. I felt terrible that he had to leave because of me though. I felt embarrassed that I'd squirted and that definitely didn't help. My warm fluids on his skin, it might have triggered his mind to think of blood and maybe he hated where his mind went. I could only speculate because I knew he wouldn't tell me.
When he returned I had changed the sheets and cleaned up, making sure that  everything was in the washing machine.
I laid in bed, waiting for him.
"I'm so sorry" he pleaded, crawling into bed next to me.
I rolled over and looked him in the eye, never tiring of the love I saw there even beneath the shame.
"It's okay, you did great. Honestly I'm so proud..." I was cut off by him shaking his head,
"No, I...I almost went too far. I've never felt anything like it. The lust for your body was enormous, even greater than the desire for your blood, but both of them combined was nearly too much. I could have so easily broken. I've never felt such fear before at the lack of control I felt. Even if it was only a few minutes, it felt like eternity. I'm sorry and I will never be able to forgive myself."
I bit my lip, wanting to somehow make it better. To smooth away the worry on his face.
"Please, please Edward, it was really nice and I hate that things are so potentially dangerous with us, but I'm okay. I'm more than okay, that was wonderful!" I smiled and kissed his forehead, "Thank you."
He smiled back, "I don't know what I did to deserve you, or if I really even do. You act like it wasn't the best thing of my existence too. I'd give any amount of money or years off my eternity to be able to please you like that for hours, for days even. I wouldn't need any other sustenance but you. You are...equisite."
I grinned, unable to contain the joy I felt in that moment.
Edward enjoyed pleasing me and something like pride swelled in me.
I sighed happily and snuggled into his stone chest.
"I think I can die happy now" I yawned, not really thinking of the implications.
Edward stroked my hair, "So that was enough human experiences for you? Ready to become a monster?"
I knew he was teasing but I realized that what we'd begun to establish was good and it made me feel glad that we could find some middle ground for now. I knew that my life without Jacob would be too much for me to bear and life without Edward was unthinkable. Being able to have both in a way was more than I felt I deserved and I hoped one day they could become closer. I didn't expect them to be best friends, but if they could understand how they each made me happy and how complete I felt with them both, it would make every dream come true.
I felt some of the heartache I'd suffered for so long lift away and I smiled in the dark.
"No, not quite yet. I think I'd like to stay human just a little longer."
Edward didn't have to speak as he kissed me, and I knew that he was pleased with this.
I knew it wouldn't be all rainbows and roses but I had full confidence that we could all live in harmony with lots of work and communication.
Eternity could wait, for now I was content in the moment.
I drifted off to sleep, dreaming of wolves and monsters but it only brought a smile to my slumbering mouth.
Everything would be okay.